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Exactly. That's what I was saying regarding the whole "marriage-equals-stronger-commitment-because divorce-is-harder-than-walking-away" thing.
Ever been married ? When you stand in front of family and friends and take your vows it does mean something.
A Wedding and marriage bonds a couple much more than "Hey, let's make a kid".
A child should have the commitment Vows from the parents they will stay together before that kid is brought into this world.
If you've never stood in front of a crowd and said your Vows you probably do not understand.
Ever been married ? When you stand in front of family and friends and take your vows it does mean something.
A Wedding and marriage bonds a couple much more than "Hey, let's make a kid".
A child should have the commitment Vows from the parents they will stay together before that kid is brought into this world.
If you've never stood in front of a crowd and said your Vows you probably do not understand.
Yep. Having been married, I can say that it's a whole different level. People can say "It's just a piece of paper. I'm just as committed as I would be if I were married," but no, they are not.
The fact remains that marriage is putting your money where your mouth is. It says you are willing to go all in, holding nothing back, and what is yours is your spouse's, from your heart to your time to your assets. It is a giving, and it is a recognition that you are willing to put the partnership ahead of their own needs. If you're worried about your assets, as many people who say they are not interested in marriage say they are, that right there disqualifies your arrangement from being on par with marriage. Marriage requires the ability to look beyond yourself. If you're worried about possessions, you're just not there. You're still putting some aspect of yourself ahead of your partnership. You're still holding something back. A marriage can't survive when one or both partners hold something back.
Marriage is not for everyone, and that's okay. But cohabitation is not, and never will be, the same thing.
With a 50 percent divorce rate I can't see how marriage is much different than cohabitating, other than filing some paperwork when you leave, still don't get it. A lot of people say it is different than marriage, I just can't get my little lizard brain to see the difference.
With a 50 percent divorce rate I can't see how marriage is much different than cohabitating, other than filing some paperwork when you leave, still don't get it. A lot of people say it is different than marriage, I just can't get my little lizard brain to see the difference.
I think a 50% divorce rate is a highly skewed number.
My guess is that if you were to take the newlyweds who have a real chance at making it the divorce rate would be much lower.
How would the break-up of a long-term partnership with kids, one that your state defined as marriage (common-law) whether you, yourself, do or not, one to which state law according 50% of the total assets to your partner applies, be any different than a divorce? Did you think that if a Justice of the Peace doesn't perform a quickie ceremony and give you a piece of paper, that you could just walk away and leave your partner and your kids in the lurch? Did you think that there would be no "emotional drain" if a long-term committed relationship with kids were to rip apart and a court-ordered settlement of accounts and responsibilities took place?
If so, you're ignorant of the law, and you're not thinking clearly. Study your state's laws re: common-law marriages and asset allocation pertaining to that type of marriage.
You're not sure you believe in monogamy? So you're ok with the mother of your kids getting it on with another guy?
I'm not a big fan of marriage, most men I know have been burned by it and it wrecks of negativity. Not saying all marriages are a bust, but when they do go bust (and a good percentage do) it is emotionally draining.
With that said, I want to have children. Perhaps in the next 2-3 years, up until this point I was running around avoiding LTRs and now I kind of want to get into one, with the right woman for me of course.
Will it be difficult to find a woman that wants to have children without marriage? This does not mean I will just have children with her and then leave her. It means raising a family, living together, being together exclusively and growing old together. Can this be accomplished without a piece of paper?
I'm a married guy with three kids. No sane woman on the planet would want this arrangement.
The thing about having kids? It's a good twenty-year commitment at the very least. Who would enter into this enterprise with a person who wasn't committed enough to give the partnership some kind of long-term stability? What's more, I've found that guys who offer up that pseudo-philosophical "It's just a piece of paper" argument are the ones who really want to keep their options open. They always have one eye on the door. Having seen a lot of people who bought into that "it's just a piece of paper" malarkey, I can pretty much say that it almost always ends up in sorrow.
What's more, that piece of paper keeps you committed to the relationship when it's not fun. And there are times when it's not. Have a couple of kids and have every single moment of your life taken up by soccer games, dance recitals, homework, housework, and a host of other things, and you'll understand this.
Here's the thing. If most men you know have felt burned by the arrangement and wrecks of negativity, then I'm thinking you need a new circle of friends. None of my friends are shrinking violets or domestic slaves. None of them feel trapped in a loveless marriage. They derive lots of satisfaction from their marriages and their children. Grow up. You can't be a teenager forever.
I'm a married guy with three kids. No sane woman on the planet would want this arrangement.
The thing about having kids? It's a good twenty-year commitment at the very least. Who would enter into this enterprise with a person who wasn't committed enough to give the partnership some kind of long-term stability? What's more, I've found that guys who offer up that pseudo-philosophical "It's just a piece of paper" argument are the ones who really want to keep their options open. They always have one eye on the door. Having seen a lot of people who bought into that "it's just a piece of paper" malarkey, I can pretty much say that it almost always ends up in sorrow.
What's more, that piece of paper keeps you committed to the relationship when it's not fun. And there are times when it's not. Have a couple of kids and have every single moment of your life taken up by soccer games, dance recitals, homework, housework, and a host of other things, and you'll understand this.
Here's the thing. If most men you know have felt burned by the arrangement and wrecks of negativity, then I'm thinking you need a new circle of friends. None of my friends are shrinking violets or domestic slaves. None of them feel trapped in a loveless marriage. They derive lots of satisfaction from their marriages and their children. Grow up. You can't be a teenager forever.
You tell, 'em, cpg. Great post. Very true.
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