Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-24-2014, 09:08 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,917 posts, read 7,671,951 times
Reputation: 16650

Advertisements

When I was a teenager, I did actually want to date but my self esteem was pretty low.

My cousin recently told me she has a "fiance" she is in her late teens. I said "good for you." She replied that I am suppose to be happy for her. Not to sound mean or anything, but when people tell me they have started a new relationship with someone. I don't really get excited like I used to, mainly because I am more concerned about my own business than anyone else's. Also anything can happen in relationships.

I remember my cousin telling me how I am way too "beautiful" and nice (her words not mine) to be the way I am now. She finds it incredibly difficult to believe I've never dated or been intimate with anyone. I don't think it matters how nice, physically attractive, or great a person is, they can still be single. A lot of people think I am lonely and say they pity single people because they are not with anyone. My question is, where exactly did that stereotype come from?

I said in a previous post I admire people who are focused on their goals and bettering themselves, and not making relationships their top priority. I think it shows a lot of strength. Some people just like their privacy and get their fill from family and friends. I think relationships happen out of the blue and are really icing on the cake if you really truly care about that person. I am very sure love is a wonderful thing and can make you feel like the happiest person in the world. I think a lot of people mistake it for thinking that once you get, that one person should be the focus of their happiness.

I think that is a recipe for disaster. Humans are imperfect creatures, we make mistakes and hurt people in the process a lot. Are there any single people on here who are unhappy being by themselves? I used to think having a boyfriend was EVERYTHING but now I am trying to figure who I really am, and what makes me happy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-24-2014, 09:17 PM
 
4,078 posts, read 5,389,924 times
Reputation: 4957
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
When I was a teenager, I did actually want to date but my self esteem was pretty low.

My cousin recently told me she has a "fiance" she is in her late teens. I said "good for you." She replied that I am suppose to be happy for her. Not to sound mean or anything, but when people tell me they have started a new relationship with someone. I don't really get excited like I used to, mainly because I am more concerned about my own business than anyone else's. Also anything can happen in relationships.

I remember my cousin telling me how I am way too "beautiful" and nice (her words not mine) to be the way I am now. She finds it incredibly difficult to believe I've never dated or been intimate with anyone. I don't think it matters how nice, physically attractive, or great a person is, they can still be single. A lot of people think I am lonely and say they pity single people because they are not with anyone. My question is, where exactly did that stereotype come from?

I said in a previous post I admire people who are focused on their goals and bettering themselves, and not making relationships their top priority. I think it shows a lot of strength. Some people just like their privacy and get their fill from family and friends. I think relationships happen out of the blue and are really icing on the cake if you really truly care about that person. I am very sure love is a wonderful thing and can make you feel like the happiest person in the world. I think a lot of people mistake it for thinking that once you get, that one person should be the focus of their happiness.

I think that is a recipe for disaster. Humans are imperfect creatures, we make mistakes and hurt people in the process a lot. Are there any single people on here who are unhappy being by themselves? I used to think having a boyfriend was EVERYTHING but now I am trying to figure who I really am, and what makes me happy.
I think anyone in your position is in a ideal state of mind to be in a relationship should they choose to be in one.

I admire people like you who seem to have their heads on straight, and by definition, know what happiness truly means. Happiness stems from within.

And, lots of times, stereotypes in society are meant to oppress or stigmatize people.

I have a cousin who's very beautiful, and people always assume something's wrong with her because she's single, but you know what? Haters will hate.

Some people will be jealous and want to knock you down.

So long as you feel you are on the right path towards happiness, all the more power to you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 09:27 PM
 
2,087 posts, read 2,840,376 times
Reputation: 1560
When you are younger, being single is not associated with loneliness. And if you are pretty or handsome, then yes, it'll happen naturally probably.

But for those less attractive people who don't work at dating, they may find themselves lonely in the near future.

A less desirable guy who doesn't work on improving himself in the right areas to attract women may find himself alone and without options at age 42.

Or a woman who has had a number of options throughout her 20s and 30s, but turned them all down because she thought she could do better may now have no good options to choose from at age 42.

By then, all of their friends may have kids and have no time to hang out with them, and their parents may have passed.

The truth of the matter is it can be a very lonely world if you are older and single.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 09:36 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,443,837 times
Reputation: 1294
Why is being single associated with loneliness?

Well as Madonna sang:

One is such a lonely number

Ah, ah, ah, ah
Open your heart

That's all.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 09:37 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,134,660 times
Reputation: 55550
The loneliest people I know have family who treat them badly
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 09:38 PM
 
3,009 posts, read 3,631,273 times
Reputation: 2376

One Is The Loneliest Number - Three Dog Night (Lyrics) - YouTube
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 10:24 PM
 
37,460 posts, read 45,673,199 times
Reputation: 56916
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
"Why is being single associated with loneliness?"
Yanno, if you wanted to tell everyone that you are not lonely just because you are single, then just say that. Anyone over the age of 14 understands the single=alone thing, so your question sounds like you have not spent much time out of the house.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Are there any single people on here who are unhappy being by themselves?
Clearly you've not spend much time on this forum. There are people that seemingly cannot get out of bed in the morning because they are single and "alone".

But there are also quite of few of us that are perfectly happy whether we are in a relationship or not. Knowing how to make yourself happy without being dependent on others for that happiness, is really what everyone's goal should be. Sounds like you have accomplished that, so that's a good thing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 10:57 PM
 
3,452 posts, read 4,598,586 times
Reputation: 4985
For someone that is looking for love....being single can be a lonely experience.

Doesn't matter how many overtime hours you work OR how many activities you are involved in.....

it can be very lonely to go home every night to an empty bed.

Nothing wrong with wanting companionship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 11:21 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,917 posts, read 7,671,951 times
Reputation: 16650
I definitely believe love is a wonderful thing.

Making it your life's purpose can really make you feel terrible. That's really what I am saying. I am not trying to attack anyone in relationships or relationships in general. Making it top priority can really depress people, especially when they don't have it at the time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 11:27 PM
 
37,460 posts, read 45,673,199 times
Reputation: 56916
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman View Post
For someone that is looking for love....being single can be a lonely experience.

Doesn't matter how many overtime hours you work OR how many activities you are involved in.....

it can be very lonely to go home every night to an empty bed.

Nothing wrong with wanting companionship.
For some, sure. But for others, we prefer that bed all to ourselves.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top