I did a Sherlock today... (date, divorced, looking, different)
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I already said in the beginning of the relationship, I was insecure, I felt he loved the ex more than me. I told him that, he said no.
But I am VERY secure now. I do blame her coz eventhough he said marriage is forever, and that's why he does not want to end the 1st marriage, he does not care if he lost our marriage. He said it's only a 2nd one, I mean WTF. And when I ask him why he said that. He said he is just joking. I doubt it.
See, I was mad at her for changing my husband's belief in marriage. I was envious that he begged her, cried 24/7 on the first one. But on our marriage, when I said I would walk away, he will just let me.
So he is true to his word. And he always is, actually. When he said he won't do what he did in his first marriage anymore.
Actually his exact word was - it is something he does not want ever to experience again. And because I was Sherlock, I deduced it is the main reason he does not want kids anymore in the future.
I am happy with my marriage and secure. I just blame the ex for messing up my husband.
Sounds like you really love your husband and want your marriage to work out, but he doesn't value commitment the same way you do.
I think how he treats you is more indicative of his character more so than what his ex did. She doesn't have power over his thoughts. She doesn't have power over his emotions. He ultimately does.
To some degree, we've all been hurt before. But, being hurt doesn't grant one the permission to hurt another.
And many of us have had broken hearts, and we still move on to staying committed to our new partners and give our word to them, and to our loved ones.
The hardest part of accepting the truth is understanding how denial protects us from what we really want to know.
If you had a feeling that you were entering a marriage that seemed built on unstable ground, which you told him you felt insecure, my guess is you also had a strong gut feeling something was off and wasn't right, but a part of you denied yourself, because a part of you wanted love to the point of not listening to yourself. Perhaps you learned to doubt yourself somewhere along the line.
Why put yourself through so much torment? You can play Sherlock and find all the information you want, but in the end, you're still not satisfied. No information will be enough. And, the person you must face is you. Ultimately, in the end, all you have is you, and the only person who can change your situation is you. You still choose what you want in the circumstances you have. And, life's too short.
If you could live life ideally the way you want it to be tomorrow, I highly doubt you'd choose the situation you're in right now. Sorry to be so upfront. Something to think about. You can't take back time, and you can only decide from now how you want to move forward. And, his ex isn't your solution.
Sounds like you really love your husband and want your marriage to work out, but he doesn't value commitment the same way you do.
I think how he treats you is more indicative of his character more so than what his ex did. She doesn't have power over his thoughts. She doesn't have power over his emotions. He ultimately does.
To some degree, we've all been hurt before. But, being hurt doesn't grant one the permission to hurt another.
And many of us have had broken hearts, and we still move on to staying committed to our new partners and give our word to them, and to our loved ones.
The hardest part of accepting the truth is understanding how denial protects us from what we really want to know.
If you had a feeling that you were entering a marriage that seemed built on unstable ground, which you told him you felt insecure, my guess is you also had a strong gut feeling something was off and wasn't right, but a part of you denied yourself, because a part of you wanted love to the point of not listening to yourself. Perhaps you learned to doubt yourself somewhere along the line.
Why put yourself through so much torment? You can play Sherlock and find all the information you want, but in the end, you're still not satisfied. No information will be enough. And, the person you must face is you. Ultimately, in the end, all you have is you, and the only person who can change your situation is you. You still choose what you want in the circumstances you have. And, life's too short.
If you could live life ideally the way you want it to be tomorrow, I highly doubt you'd choose the situation you're in right now. Sorry to be so upfront. Something to think about. You can't take back time, and you can only decide from now how you want to move forward. And, his ex isn't your solution.
My point is... he really believe in marriage being forever that's why he didn't want the divorce. It's like he was not able to get over that his first marriage ended.
Well he said by the time we met he already got over it, but it really took him a long time. By the way he always says how his friends and family tell him he looks really happy now he is with me.
In fact, when he introduced me to his family, it seems they were really surprised he remarried. Even his friends so I ask him why they have that reaction, did he told them he won't marry again? He said, essentially, yeah.
No, I don't know why you keep saying I am not satisfied. I am. I was insecure before. Not anymore.
Obviously he does not want me to leave because even though he does not say don't leave me, his actions speak louder. Like when I got some of my clothes out and bring out to my car, he said - where are you going? He finally spoke to me because he was giving me silent treatment that day.
He didn't tell me not to go but what he said was he doesn't know what he is doing anymore then hugged and kissed me.
He just don't want to do the begging and crying anymore in front of me maybe. Because when I came back when we almost divorced, I told him why can't you even cry? Because I cried in front of him. He said, who told you I didn't?
The bolded is essentially the same. You just worded it differently but that's what karma exactly is. Actually my husband told me about the son situation on our VERY 1st meet.
you know what he said? He said he liked what I said. What I said was, I don't know why women do that to their own kids. I said I can relate coz my brother's ex did EXACTLY that to him.
I told him I would never EVER deprive my own kids to have a normal relationship with their biological father. I believe when selfish vile women like my husband's ex and my brother's ex do those things. They don't only hurt their husbands, they also hurt their own child/ren more than anything.
I believe if the kids have loving dads like my bro and my husband, it really is depriving them of their right to have relationship with their own flesh and blood.
It just doesn't make any sense to me why they do that. It's selfish.
Loving father????? Say what?! HE ABANDONED HIS SON WITHOUT FIGHTING FOR HIM!!!
You and I apparently have very different takes on what a "loving" father does. My father, when my parents got divorced, literally spent thousands fighting for his rights as a father. And, he won, too.
Again...
I am asking for the 2nd time....
Did you go down to the court house and pull the case file for her current divorce to prove they are divorce over the same circumstances? If not, please explain how you know it is the exact same story all over again.
This is just my biased opinion, but no man that is so willing to a. Abandon his biological child and say it's her fault, and b. let another man raise his child and c. In all those years never faught or tried to have a relationship with his child is not a " good" person. He's a crappy one at best. You do not just say I give up and say I wish, and never do anything about it. That is not a good person, sorry op
However, I'll take your word for it, and I'm disappointed at my lack of suprise. lol
Try searching for posts under the banned usernames angelinajolie and msvalentine...and make some fresh popcorn!
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