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You completely missed the purpose of the assignment the therapist gave. He's not supposed to talk to attractive women with the idea in mind that he has a chance with them. He's supposed to just talk with them to be friendly, with no expectations. He's just supposed to exchange pleasantries with them, not come onto them.
Keep in mind Astute I'm writing this because I think you can grasp it. Not to be dismissive of the OP but I think it would go over his head. It has nothing to do with intellect but maturity. I kind of see the OP as being stuck on the girls on magazine covers and saying that's for me.
Also to add more identity and self-concept really begin in adolescence. Again, don't misread me I'm not saying you should have gotten this in adolescence. No, in adolescence it begins in a very rudimentary form. Self-concept and identity are something that we work on repeatedly in life. In a sense, we go through several adolescent periods but each one a tiny bit more refined and in each one we hash out our self-concept and identity even more. And to be honest sometimes it can be more devastating then anything we experience in adolescence.
There is a psychologist Erik Erikson who wrote a wonderful book called Identity, Youth and Crisis. He isn't a popular culture kind of guy, his stuff is very scientific and valid. He coined the term identity crisis. The term became cliche, pop culturish and now it's over looked and it's unfortunate because so many suffer from it at some point. When Erikson wrote Identity Crisis he literally meant it was a crisis, something severe, something debilitating. He pinpointed at every stage and circumstance it could occur. At one stage of crisis is the inability to form intimate relationships. Erikson ties it to identity. I agree.
Those types of women are nothing but a fantasy. I stand no chance with them. In the future, I want to date a woman who I find attractive but I won't shoot for the hills.
I understand there are beautiful therapist-type of women who allow shy awkward non-good-looking guys to engage in intimate contact (no intercourse) with them on an appointment basis so that the guys can get comfortable with intimate activity with a beautiful woman.
Does this sound like a good idea for a shy guy to pursue?
I understand there are beautiful therapist-type of women who allow shy awkward non-good-looking guys to engage in intimate contact (no intercourse) with them on an appointment basis so that the guys can get comfortable with intimate activity with a beautiful woman.
Does this sound like a good idea for a shy guy to pursue?
I hope whatever advice she might give you is sincere. A therapist has a huge responsibility when the patient/client has no clue what path to take. An IVY leauge background/diploma or a few evening classes from Berkley Community College doesn't necessary guarantee a healthy and stable individual as much as many people would like to believe. That said I do believe that qualified therapists and other mental health professionals have sincere intentions but i bet there are those who have ulterior motives like boosting their own self esteem or to satisfy whatever inner needs. Some of them might get a kick out of putting the patient/client even further down.
I understand there are beautiful therapist-type of women who allow shy awkward non-good-looking guys to engage in intimate contact (no intercourse) with them on an appointment basis so that the guys can get comfortable with intimate activity with a beautiful woman.
Does this sound like a good idea for a shy guy to pursue?
49ersfan... I would follow the advice of your therapist. I know I am not a guy, but I had a lot of fears of talking to men back in the day--similar to what I think you are facing. Mine wasn't as bad as yours though I don't think. Through a combination of what I had to do to be good at work and through self determination, I just started talked to men--no matter what they looked like. In time it really did help. I am not intimidated by men anymore or scared to talk to them. When I was scared and shy, I came across as cold and witchy. Now I come across as warm and friendly. The result is, as a woman, I have "better luck" with men now that I am older (and more outgoing) than I ever did in my 20s when I was supposed to "be in my prime." Everything about me is pretty much the same except I am over that overwhelming shyness and I don't look as young (which is not an asset! lol)
And you have it made! They say men have a longer shelf life (so to speak) and get more appealing as they age. So if it worked that great for me, I imagine it will work out even better for you. So have hope, listen to the professional, and I wish you all the best! And above all, just remember that women are just humans like yourself... we aren't any more special than anyone else. And most of us normal ones don't want to be put on a pedestal... it will hurt when we fall off after all
I have anxiety around women I find attractive. That's not normal and I don't want to get a girlfriend and be nervous around her. I want to find the root of my anxiety. That's why I am in therapy.
That IS normal. I don't know what lies guys have been telling you, but the vast majority of us get some level of nerves/anxiety/adrenaline when hanging out with a beautiful girl who we are into and who is into us.
What you gotta do is work on lowering the intensity to the point where your actions aren't dictated by your inner state of nerves/anxiety. Then you can take action and be nervous at the same time. Basic mindfulness meditation helps with that too.
A lot of scammers and swindlers among those who sell healing. It's possible that the therapist wants to add a few extra sessions to her schedule. Afterall the OP is pouring money into her lap.
I would trust the advice of a professional before I would trust the collective advice of strangers.
OP, I applaud you for seeking answers to issues in your life, but you should also poll your friends on this issue as well.
Is the issue that made you seek the advice of a professional relate to your ability/inability to find romance or is it more along the lines of dealing with people?
I find it very very very difficult to believe that a therapist says "You should approach attractive women more often". There must be a LOT more to this that you are telling. How about just being friendly and open to EVERYONE? Not just "approach attractive women"?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by whitlock
That said I do believe that qualified therapists and other mental health professionals have sincere intentions but i bet there are those who have ulterior motives like boosting their own self esteem or to satisfy whatever inner needs. Some of them might get a kick out of putting the patient/client even further down.
Was the "Hurting You to Help Me Personal Therapy" business cards a tip off?
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