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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daylux
Show her unconditional love for one year. Bring her flowers, rub her feet, when she screams and yells hold her and tell her to let it out, it's okay, you love her. Open the door for her, leave her love notes or texts. She will become the woman you want and you will fall in love all over again.
Please return whatever the hell book you read this in and demand a refund. Absolutely terrible advice.
Please return whatever the hell book you read this in and demand a refund. Absolutely terrible advice.
Actually, I got the advice from a movie called Fireproof It sounded good to me. It works in reverse too. When I'm intentionally good to my husband he becomes more of what I need him to be.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by daylux
Actually, I got the advice from a movie called Fireproof It sounded good to me. It works in reverse too. When I'm intentionally good to my husband he becomes more of what I need him to be.
Well, Kirk Cameron's involvement kills any creditability for me personally speaking,
I really hope the OP sticks around and let us know what happens here.
I can tell you, from what you posted, that your wife does not love you at all. Do friends abuse friends? Wives should not abuse husbands and throw fits like this. It speaks volumes about how much she doesn't respect you.
So what if she has pushed you to find success. Is this something you honestly wanted in the beginning? I think you said you were happy at 75K per year. That, right there, is your answer. It tells me you are happy with who you REALLY are and she is not. Her love is completely conditional on your salary. Her love would dwindle even more if you took a pay cut.
If what you say is absolutely, 100% true, leave this woman. You don't paint a really good picture of her at all and the fact that you are complaining about her shows that there a some serious problems in this relationship.
It's not that she's a good fit for you, she's not a good fit for anyone really. As with most gold-diggers, karma really smacks them in the face....HARD. She will pay for how she treated you in some form. She may rebound with another rich guy, but you know exactly how it is with her and what he's in for.
Some further advice from someone who has been in your situation. After you split, delete this woman from your memory (facebook, twitter, emails, texts, photos). Move on like she does not exist. Stay out of dating for an entire year and work on what YOU really want to be as opposed some vehicle for a selfish woman. The minute you become the guy YOU want to be, a really good woman will appear and make your life amazing.
Good luck and post updates. We are hear to help you.
Exhibit, no one deserves to be railed at. Screaming and rages should never be a way of life. She sounds very immature and like she is used to getting her way. If you feel this way now, you will feel even more so later, the more you get dragged down by this dysfunction. My advice would be to go ahead and divorce her before children come along and while you're still young so that you can get on with your life. You deserve some peace and quiet, my friend.
Is it worth it? No. I think anytime someone expects someone else to foot the bill for their material possessions while they sit at home on their butt it isn't worth it. You guys didn't even have kids, so what was she doing all day while you were at work? Getting her nails done and shopping? I don't know if such a high sense of entitlement can even be cured and I don't think I would care about trying.
You got some things spot on and I agree with you for the most part. It's also a mix of me just throwing in the towel. I think with no children involved, I'm more optimistic about moving on and finding love again.
I think subconsciously I may have checked out of the relationship after a few arguments that cut pretty deep. I never knew what verbal abuse was until I got in this relationship. I'm a military veteran, so I know hazing and I can handle most things, I'm not a soft guy by any means...it's just that I never imagined this type of anger coming from a girlfriend or a spouse for that matter. I've never experienced arguments to this level in any relationship. I think that's what made things unrepairable in my mind.
It is inconceivable to me that you were unaware of her behavior prior to marriage. Doesn't matter if you lived together or not. How long were you dating before getting engaged?
Is it worth it? No. I think anytime someone expects someone else to foot the bill for their material possessions while they sit at home on their butt it isn't worth it. You guys didn't even have kids, so what was she doing all day while you were at work? Getting her nails done and shopping? I don't know if such a high sense of entitlement can even be cured and I don't think I would care about trying.
Hey. Didn't want the wife not working for a period of time to take on the major aspect of why it's not working... I mean she couldn't get a job and didn't want to take just any job. I really had no issues with that part of it. When she did get a job and started working, she now uses the money she makes for stuff I was already paying for, like clothes, shoes, handbags, etc..
I have no problem with women that stay at home, but being we didn't have any kids... it was sort of an anomaly for me. To her credit, she did cook & clean and made sure my diet and exercise routines were in place. Professionally, I was starting to get to a point in my career where I needed a wife. I hope that makes sense... You can't go to holiday parties with Sr. Management with a random girlfriend. The "wives club" did their own thing and being that my wife was part of that circle, I totally reaped some benefit in that regard.
My main gripe is the periods of rage and the screaming and crying fits. I can equate to a 4 yr old having a temper tantrum. It's just very problematic when we're at home or any public and this stuff goes down. Also its very routine, almost once every 2 months (and no its not related to her cycle)..
I know as a man I can be emotionally unavailable sometimes, but that's just how I've always been. I'm pretty laid-back, with a calm demeanor in most cases. I also express love in different ways, so in my own way I provided, made sure she had money, paid all the bills and stayed loyal. Never cheated or found someone else to take the edge off.
Things reached a boiling point as of late and we have dinner plans this weekend to put it all out there. She of course, she wants to work and improve things.. and I've recently decided that I'm out - and we need to plan our separate ways.
Also, at this point, its more of a health concern (my increase in panic attacks). With no kids involved I think its much better to have a clean break. There's little to lose. I may have to pay alimony, but its a risk I'm willing to take, to get peace of mind back. I'm willing to enter the jungle of singledom again if necessary
You don't think "this" can be repaired? What is "this"? The temper? We don't have enough info to go on. What have you done so far to try to repair it? Did you two ever get counseling? Have you suggested she get individual counseling for her rage issues?
I can't help asking: did you marry her for her looks, mainly? If so, your bad. Live and learn.
Edit: ok, wait. Whoa! I just saw your 2nd post. You're "emotionally unavailable", but it's ok because that's the way you've always been? What??
OP, since we still have an incomplete picture, I'm going to take a guess and say you tend to be passive-aggressive, which only irritates your wife more, and causes her to lash out. You two push each other's buttons, it sounds like, so you BOTH need therapy, together and possibly apart, if you want to fix this. Which it sounds like--you don't (want to fix it). Too bad, because you'll only take your issues with you (lack of emotional availability, possibly including passive-aggressive behavior) to your next relationship. Bailing on this one will not solve your problems.
You don't think "this" can be repaired? What is "this"? The temper? We don't have enough info to go on. What have you done so far to try to repair it? Did you two ever get counseling? Have you suggested she get individual counseling for her rage issues?
I can't help asking: did you marry her for her looks, mainly? If so, your bad. Live and learn.
Edit: ok, wait. Whoa! I just saw your 2nd post. You're "emotionally unavailable", but it's ok because that's the way you've always been? What??
OP, since we still have an incomplete picture, I'm going to take a guess and say you tend to be passive-aggressive, which only irritates your wife more, and causes her to lash out. You two push each other's buttons, it sounds like, so you BOTH need therapy, together and possibly apart, if you want to fix this. Which it sounds like--you don't (want to fix it). Too bad, because you'll only take your issues with you (lack of emotional availability, possibly including passive-aggressive behavior) to your next relationship. Bailing on this one will not solve your problems.
Think about it.
Glad I'm not the only one that caught this stuff,
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in and demand a refund. Absolutely terrible advice.
It sounded good to me. It works in reverse too. When I'm intentionally good to my husband he becomes more of what I need him to be.
