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whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk, inside your trunk...
I saw a girl at work last week (she wasn't black, btw) who was wearing a short, tight dress and her butt was like POW! lol I'm sure her male coworkers don't get any work done if she dresses like that all the time. But this is another example where I think she was trying to draw attention to it because that dress wasn't really work appropriate.
Thank you everyone for the advice. It isn't just co-workers, it's platonic male friends, guys I'm dating, and random men in the street. I don't wear tight clothing at all. In fact I'm a modest dresser. I don't wear short dresses or tight pants unless it's yoga pants for working out. There is a girl who I work with here who is on the thicker side(bigger than me but with a slightly smaller butt) and she DOES wear tight pants and leggings a lot. She doesn't seem to get the same comments as me and I do not dress provactive the way she does.
I'm dating now but not really at the same time. So this isnt even about dating men that think it's okay to treat me this way. This is about men feeling like its okay to be so disrespectful(random , coworkers, friends, and dates).
I'm not fat or overweight, I'm not thin either but I wear a size 6... I do have a slim waist in comparison to my butt, but my body has always been this way and I work out(lifting and cardio 5-6 times a week).
It isn't just black men... Though they are definitely the main ones. But there are white male coworkers that do it too. And I'm not vain or anything but my face is not ugly, in fact as I said on another thread I get stopped and told I'm beautiful all the time as well. And I do get compliments about my face all the time as well. However I don't find being told I'm beautiful disrespectful which is why I didn't put that in the thread.
I'm okay with a man stopping me and saying I'm beautiful. That's flattering to me. The only times I did not find it flattering is when I've been asked if I'm mixed(due to the reasoning behind why I was asked, and the shallow men that asked it).
However being told I have a phat azz or being called big booty is not flattering and is very disrespectful especially when some of the men that do it are much more respectful toward other women.
I haven't been vocal about how disrespectful I've found it, because most of the time when it happens I find it shocking or embarrassing and don't even know how to respond because some of the situations have been so bizarre that it's like in the moment I don't know how to respond... And since these situations seem to happen to me all the time, I'm wondering why men think it's okay and how to develop a nonverbal vibe that I'm not okay with it...
Thank you everyone for the advice. It isn't just co-workers, it's platonic male friends, guys I'm dating, and random men in the street. I don't wear tight clothing at all. In fact I'm a modest dresser.
I'm dating now but not really at the same time. So this is even about dating is about men feeling like its okay to be so disrespectful...
I'm not fat or overweight, I'm not thin either but I wear a size 6... I do have a slim waist in comparison to my butt, but my body has always been this way and I work out(lifting and cardio 5-6 times a week).
It isn't just black men... Though they are definitely the main ones. But there are white male coworkers that do it too. And I'm not vain or anything but my face is not ugly, in fact as I said on another thread I get stopped and told I'm beautiful all the time as well. And I do get compliments about my face all the time as well. However I don't find being told I'm beautiful disrespectful which is why I didn't put that in the thread.
I'm okay with a man stopping me and saying I'm beautiful. That's flattering to me. The only times I did not find it flattering is when I've been asked if I'm mixed(due to the reasoning behind why I was asked, and the shallow men that asked it).
However being told I have a phat azz or being called big booty is not flattering and is very disrespectful especially when some of the men that do it are much more respectful toward other women.
I haven't been vocal about how disrespectful I've found it, because most of the time when it happens I find it shocking or embarrassing and don't even know how to respond because some of the situations have been so bizarre that it's like in the moment I don't know how to respond... And since these situations seem to happen to me all the time, I'm wondering why men think it's okay and how to develop a nonverbal vibe that I'm not okay with it...
I blame rap music and the culture that goes along with it. The lyrics are often sexually explicit, there's a lot of focus on big butts, and I think people have just become desensitized and don't even realize that they're being disrespectful.
I blame rap music and the culture that goes along with it. The lyrics are often sexually explicit, there's a lot of focus on big butts, and I think people have just become desensitized and don't even realize that they're being disrespectful.
yes some of the time the guys have acted like it was flirting and I didn't find it flattering. I have a friend who mainly dates women with slim thin bodies he is a black man btw and he doesn't even date black women at all or curvy women. We had dated earlier this year and then became friends. During this time he was respectful and never made a comment about it and even seemed to hint that he wasn't into big butts. The last couple of weeks he's made repeated comments about my butt. And this is a guy who acted as if that wasn't something he was into, and doesn't even date women with bigger backsides. This same guy was doing it in a flirting manner and then told me he liked me...
The thing is I'm a 100 percent sure that he does not talk to the woman he typically dates in that manner. And he's already said before that I'm a prude compared to these other women he's dated.., so why would he think it was okay to flirt with me that way ?
And is this something I accept as normal or okay??? I was told its disrespectful... I guess I'm just wondering if I should just accept this and get over it or if there is something I can do to make it so that guys at the very least not openly verbalize it to me, even if they are thinking it, so that I don't feel degraded or like a piece of meat.
Last edited by Faith2187; 05-01-2014 at 08:07 AM..
Thank you everyone for the advice. It isn't just co-workers, it's platonic male friends, guys I'm dating, and random men in the street. I don't wear tight clothing at all. In fact I'm a modest dresser. I don't wear short dresses or tight pants unless it's yoga pants for working out. There is a girl who I work with here who is on the thicker side(bigger than me but with a slightly smaller butt) and she DOES wear tight pants and leggings a lot. She doesn't seem to get the same comments as me and I do not dress provactive the way she does.
I'm dating now but not really at the same time. So this isnt even about dating men that think it's okay to treat me this way. This is about men feeling like its okay to be so disrespectful(random , coworkers, friends, and dates).
I'm not fat or overweight, I'm not thin either but I wear a size 6... I do have a slim waist in comparison to my butt, but my body has always been this way and I work out(lifting and cardio 5-6 times a week).
It isn't just black men... Though they are definitely the main ones. But there are white male coworkers that do it too. And I'm not vain or anything but my face is not ugly, in fact as I said on another thread I get stopped and told I'm beautiful all the time as well. And I do get compliments about my face all the time as well. However I don't find being told I'm beautiful disrespectful which is why I didn't put that in the thread.
I'm okay with a man stopping me and saying I'm beautiful. That's flattering to me. The only times I did not find it flattering is when I've been asked if I'm mixed(due to the reasoning behind why I was asked, and the shallow men that asked it).
However being told I have a phat azz or being called big booty is not flattering and is very disrespectful especially when some of the men that do it are much more respectful toward other women.
I haven't been vocal about how disrespectful I've found it, because most of the time when it happens I find it shocking or embarrassing and don't even know how to respond because some of the situations have been so bizarre that it's like in the moment I don't know how to respond... And since these situations seem to happen to me all the time, I'm wondering why men think it's okay and how to develop a nonverbal vibe that I'm not okay with it...
Here's how you respond:
-when it happens at work, tell your co-workers that you will be filing a report with management if the comments do not stop. If you have an HR department, escalate it to them if management doesn't have a conversation with the employees or if the co-workers continue to make comments after they've been spoken to. It's harassment and there needs to be policies in the workplace. It is absolutely unacceptable.
-when it happens with friends, tell them how it makes you feel. If they are truly your friends, they wouldn't be talking to you like that. YOU HAVE TO BE VOCAL. No one is a mind reader. If you don't tell them, they won't know. They interpret your silence as approval to continue talking to you like that. Let them know it's embarrasing, hurtful and outright disrespectful. Same with dates. Tell them you're flattered but also tell them that you are aware of your asset ..you need not be constantly reminded.
It happens and it can be any feature that attracts men enough for them to make comments nonstop. Ex. I don't have a big butt, but I resemble a famous celebrity in the face (like a true look-alike), and have always had men make comments. So, it can be any feature that causes comments. The key is to make it clear, if they are coworkers etc, that you're not interested in that attention, and if they're strangers making unwanted comments…just ignore the unwanted attention and keep it moving.
yes some of the time the guys have acted like it was flirting and I didn't find it flattering. I have a friend who mainly dates women with slim thin bodies he is a black man btw and he doesn't even date black women at all or curvy women. We had dated earlier this year and then became friends. During this time he was respectful and never made a comment about it and even seemed to hint that he wasn't into big butts. The last couple of weeks he's made repeated comments about my butt. And this is a guy who acted as if that wasn't something he was into, and doesn't even date women with bigger backsides. This same guy was doing it in a flirting manner and then told me he liked me...
The thing is I'm a 100 percent sure that he does not talk to the woman he typically dates in that manner. And he's already said before that I'm a prude compared to these other women he's dated.., so why would he think it was okay to flirt with me that way ?
And is this something I accept as normal or okay??? I was told its disrespectful... I guess I'm just wondering if I should just accept this and get over it or if there is something I can do to make it so that guys at the very least not openly verbalize it to me, even if they are thinking it, so that I don't feel degraded or like a piece of meat.
These guys are just dumb. I think an intelligent, quality guy wouldn't make comments about your butt unless he knew you wouldn't mind. He would admire it mentally without making you feel uncomfortable. But unfortunately, a lot of women out there accept and even encourage disrespectful behavior so then these guys think it's ok to treat you that way too.
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..you need not be constantly reminded.
