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-when it happens at work, tell your co-workers that you will be filing a report with management if the comments do not stop. If you have an HR department, escalate it to them if management doesn't have a conversation with the employees or if the co-workers continue to make comments after they've been spoken to. It's harassment and there needs to be policies in the workplace. It is absolutely unacceptable.
-when it happens with friends, tell them how it makes you feel. If they are truly your friends, they wouldn't be talking to you like that. YOU HAVE TO BE VOCAL. No one is a mind reader. If you don't tell them, they won't know. They interpret your silence as approval to continue talking to you like that. Let them know it's embarrasing, hurtful and outright disrespectful. Same with dates. Tell them you're flattered but also tell them that you are aware of your asset ..you need not be constantly reminded.
Thank you. I think the main reason I didnt report the coworkers was because I didn't want to get a rep as a prude or be seen as uptight or awkward for reporting them, especially since they acted like it was a normal and were flirting. I did something similar in college where I reported a group of guys for harassment and then I got a rep for being uptight and being a b&$&&.
And with friends your right. As I said the main issue is that in the moment I don't know how to respond because I'm caught off guard. It's only after where I think of an appropriate response.
I just want to sort of stop it before it even starts...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187
Thank you. I think the main reason I didnt report the coworkers was because I didn't want to get a rep as a prude or be seen as uptight or awkward for reporting them, especially since they acted like it was a normal and were flirting.
First stop blaming yourself, you're not doing anything wrong.
Second, people shouldn't be flirting at work. It is work. Not a place to hit on people. That is entirely inappropriate.
These guys are just dumb. I think an intelligent, quality guy wouldn't make comments about your butt unless he knew you wouldn't mind. He would admire it mentally without making you feel uncomfortable. But unfortunately, a lot of women out there accept and even encourage disrespectful behavior so then these guys think it's ok to treat you that way too.
Thats what ive thought too. The last two guys I've dated have been very educated intelligent successful men. Men who I would never think would be that way--and at first they aren't... It just eventually always gets to that point. Maybe it's age thing. These are all men, 27 and under. And I do think your right that on some level there are women that find it acceptable and it leads men to think its okay. With the influx of people taking belfies, and women like Kim k being praised for having bigger butts and being the main thing they want to be known for, it's gotten to the point where men think its flattery to approach a woman in such a degrading way. Or at least this is the impression I've gotten.
I like my body but it makes me a bit paranoid when a seemingly nice guy makes inappropriate comments and acts as if it's okay... It makes me feel like their motives are just sexual. Or like my body is their main interest on me . And yet I'm sure if I made a deal out of it, I would be told I was being uptight... Because I know there are women that like it.
Thats what ive thought too. The last two guys I've dated have been very educated intelligent successful men. Men who I would never think would be that way--and at first they aren't... It just eventually always gets to that point. Maybe it's age thing. These are all men, 27 and under. And I do think your right that on some level there are women that find it acceptable and it leads men to think its okay. With the influx of people taking belfies, and women like Kim k being praised for having bigger butts and being the main thing they want to be known for, it's gotten to the point where men think its flattery to approach a woman in such a degrading way. Or at least this is the impression I've gotten.
I like my body but it makes me a bit paranoid when a seemingly nice guy makes inappropriate comments and acts as if it's okay... And yet I'm sure if I made a deal out of it, I would be told I was being uptight...
You get upset about guys you are dating making sexual comments on what likely is one of your best sexual attributes? You must be fun.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Well sheesh, if you're dating, that's a bit different. I'd would suck to not be able to tell my lover how attractive I find her in entirety and how certain parts of her I find so incredibly desirable. That's different.
If a woman I'm dating doesn't like me finding her physically attractive I'm at a loss.
Strangers or co workers is a different thing completely. And there is a time and place for people you're dating as well.
Thank you. I think the main reason I didnt report the coworkers was because I didn't want to get a rep as a prude or be seen as uptight or awkward for reporting them, especially since they acted like it was a normal and were flirting. I did something similar in college where I reported a group of guys for harassment and then I got a rep for being uptight and being a b&$&&.
And with friends your right. As I said the main issue is that in the moment I don't know how to respond because I'm caught off guard. It's only after where I think of an appropriate response.
I just want to sort of stop it before it even starts...
Faith, I work for a large global financial institution. Harassment is unacceptable and there are seminars about respect in the workplace. We're also required to take annual mandatory training courses. If anyone feels that you're uptight or a prude, then THEY are the ones with the problem. You should never have to feel intimidated about retaliation. How old are these guys? They sound extremely immature. You can go to your manager and you don't have to single out the particular people. In my office, we have general meetings or emails that go out to everyone so that way everyone in the office is made aware. Your manager can have a general "respect in the workplace" meeting, that way no one is singled out. If it continues after that, that's when you can single out. Usually people get the hint the first time and stop. Or you can speak directly to your co-workers. Keep it positive and just be honest with them. Let them know it's very offending and you don't like it. Escalate if needed.
It can be tricky with friends but you should definitely let them know how you feel. Even if it's an after-thought, next time you see them, or call them, let them know about the comment(s) they made and how they made you feel. People sometimes don't get it. My husband's friend always used to do something to me, which really annoyed me. My husband can be quite passive when it comes to his friends and would say to me, "He doesn't mean anything by it. That's just how he is." Um, no. He needs to be told to stop. One of his other friends actually said something to the other friend and he finally stopped. He said he didn't know that it bothered me that much. The next time I saw him, he apologized to me, profusely. We've been best of friends since then
I know how you feel though. We never want to come off as being witchy or prudish but if we don't speak up, it just won't stop. You don't want to keep it bottled up inside to the point where you just can't take it anymore and then--KABOOM! lol
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Please don't take all the fun out of work. Sexual harassment and harmless, socially acceptable forms of flirting are two different things.
It shouldn't be going on in the workplace at all.
And it is a slippery slope... what is harmless flirting to one can easily be harassment to another, or even more importantly, the creation of a sexually charged environment to other people. Lots of harassment claims aren't from the two people involved, but from a bystander that complains about the atmosphere in the workplace. I've seen it many times and statistically it is a large component of complaints (though not the majority).
You get upset about guys you are dating making sexual comments on what likely is one of your best sexual attributes? You must be fun.
When all they're doing is making sexual remarks about her asset, it gets played out. It would make me wonder if they actually like me for me and not just my asset. In fact, I dated a guy who constantly remarked about my hips. He always told me they were perfect for child rearing. He was obsessed with them. Every time we were together (socially and intimately), even in public, he always commented on them and was always super touchy-feely with them. It was no longer flattering.
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..you need not be constantly reminded.
