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I saw another thread by someone else(thanks Jillabean lol) where she wondered why she was drawn to guys that were a certain way, and seemed like she got great advice, so hoping I can get something similar. Basically, in another thread I had started in another forum I had talked about a friend and comments he had made about me that I had normalized and accepted, and a poster had challenged me about it and ever since then I've been thinking about it and realized that it happens so frequently to me that I've accepted as opposed to questioning or challenging why men think it is okay to talk to me this type of way.
I have an issue where guys always seem to comment on my butt--how big it is, or make sexual comments or jokes about it. This has been happening since I was like 12, so I guess I've always normalized it since it happened often. It has always been along the lines of guys either stopping me(in public areas) to comment about it, or hit on me because of it but in the last 4 years it's transformed to men I work with, men I date, or men I'm friends with. It's happened so often, that it doesn't even faze or surprise me anymore--seems that even the guys that start off nice, or that are platonic friends will start making comments about my butt(along the lines of I have a phat butt, or sing sexual songs when I walk past that refer to my butt, etc). At my last job I was apalled when one day a guy came up to me and asked me what type of work outs I do and that he and some other guy(co-workers) wanted to buy me several more pants that looked like the ones I was wearing(black slacks) because my butt was so big, etc. I was embarrassed and mortified. I've been asked other crazy questions, or approached in other inappropriate ways as well(at work and outside of it).
Sadly to say it seems like in the last couple of years more and more men think that it's okay to make these comments to me, to my face or they consider it flirting or think that it's okay... Even men I'm dating that start off seeming like nice men that aren't interested in that, or that seem to like me for me, will soon start making comments about it. I did at one point attempt to lose weight(though I've never been very big to begin with--I'm a size 6 now) and even when I was at a size 4(not thin, but slim enough for me) I was still being treated the same way and getting told I had a big butt, when in reality I really didn't think I did. I don't wear tight pants, or dress provactively. And I'm no Kim K(at least I don't think so) so I don't get why I get treated like her...
Up until the other day, I just sort of accepted it and chalked it up to it being a generational thing and maybe the men of my generation think it's okay to talk to women in such a sexual degrading manner. But after a post where a poster told me she had never been talked to by a man in such a way, and that it was disrespectful and that I deserved better, I started to realize that maybe she has a point... For some reason, I'm apparently giving off a vibe where essentially men think that it's okay to talk to me this way and I have no clue why this is happening. I'm timid, I'm shy, I'm awkward, and I'm quiet. I keep to myself and until I get to know someone and warm up, I tend to give off a prudish type of vibe. So why does this keep happening to me? Is this normal? None of my friends experience this, but none of my friends are built like me(most are thin or have I guess an average size butt)--so I'm unsure if this is just something that is normal or if I'm giving off a weird vibe that makes men think it's okay to talk to me this way. I know that men are visual creatures, and it's one thing to think things in your head, it's another to verbalize those thoughts to a woman, so early on, or one that isn't even a girlfriend. What can I do to stop being talked to this way? FYI--none of the men are the same, so it seems like the common thread is me...
Sweetie, tell them in an even, steady voice, "My backside is NONE of your business, and I NEVER want to hear you mention it again" You are being harassed!
In my social circle, a guy who made a comment like that would be given the cold shoulder and/or condescension by everyone. He would be treated like a guy who got inappropriately drunk at a daytime office party -- like he had huge issues that he needed to address before he could be around normal people doing normal things.
Sweetie, tell them in an even, steady voice, "My backside is NONE of your business, and I NEVER want to hear you mention it again" You are being harassed!
Or glance at their crotch and say, 'Jealous, huh?'
I'm not sure why a guy would think it's okay just to start talking to a girl about her backside. Geez, some people have no respect. Sometimes quiet, timid and shy comes across as easy prey to guys who are jerks. Maybe if you're a bit more vocal they will stop. It might also help to take a break from dating until you can figure out the common set of characteristics that exist among the guys you date. Most likely they exist and why you find it (or them) you can then avoid those characteristics in your future dates and not engage in conversations with those type of people in the office.
It happens and it can be any feature that attracts men enough for them to make comments nonstop. Ex. I don't have a big butt, but I resemble a famous celebrity in the face (like a true look-alike), and have always had men make comments. So, it can be any feature that causes comments. The key is to make it clear, if they are coworkers etc, that you're not interested in that attention, and if they're strangers making unwanted comments…just ignore the unwanted attention and keep it moving.
Up until the other day, I just sort of accepted it and chalked it up to it being a generational thing and maybe the men of my generation think it's okay to talk to women in such a sexual degrading manner. But after a post where a poster told me she had never been talked to by a man in such a way, and that it was disrespectful and that I deserved better, I started to realize that maybe she has a point... For some reason, I'm apparently giving off a vibe where essentially men think that it's okay to talk to me this way and I have no clue why this is happening. I'm timid, I'm shy, I'm awkward, and I'm quiet. I keep to myself and until I get to know someone and warm up, I tend to give off a prudish type of vibe. So why does this keep happening to me? Is this normal? None of my friends experience this, but none of my friends are built like me(most are thin or have I guess an average size butt)--so I'm unsure if this is just something that is normal or if I'm giving off a weird vibe that makes men think it's okay to talk to me this way. I know that men are visual creatures, and it's one thing to think things in your head, it's another to verbalize those thoughts to a woman, so early on, or one that isn't even a girlfriend. What can I do to stop being talked to this way? FYI--none of the men are the same, so it seems like the common thread is me...
Without knowing you, I would guess that the problem isn't you. I have a small butt, but I know how mesmerizing big butts can be, especially in the black community. I was in Walmart a few weeks ago and there was a woman with a big butt wearing tight pants, and even I had to gawk so I'm sure she has men gawking at her and making comments wherever she goes. I don't really think there's anything you can do about it if your butt is noticeable regardless of what you're wearing, but there are a lot of women who like to show it off by wearing tight clothes. If someone offends you, you need to let them know you're not ok with their comments, but I don't think the attention will ever stop. I imagine that it's a blessing and a curse.
I'm not sure why a guy would think it's okay just to start talking to a girl about her backside. Geez, some people have no respect. Sometimes quiet, timid and shy comes across as easy prey to guys who are jerks. Maybe if you're a bit more vocal they will stop. It might also help to take a break from dating until you can figure out the common set of characteristics that exist among the guys you date. Most likely they exist and why you find it (or them) you can then avoid those characteristics in your future dates and not engage in conversations with those type of people in the office.
Good luck to you.
I'm male. The last 5-10 years has seen a sharp social shift away from breast and towards butt in the female body: Kardashian, Twerking, Yoga Pants. The "ideal female body" has been altered from stick shape with large fake breast to a more natural look. Because getting butt implants is rare, men feel it's something all females are proud of. It's also a body part that's been glorified by "larger women". Commenting on a womens breast is classified as highly offensive but butt is not yet.
Also, boys are into faces & breast while men are more into butts because a nice butt is usually connected to nicely shaped legs or even stomach. I'm now 29 and I just feel like breast have been over done, it no longer excites me.
IMO, just being honest here. Your butt is either extremely nice or your other features are lacking and thus men use your best feature as their way of showing interest.
Also, boys are into faces & breast while men are more into butts because a nice butt is usually connected to nicely shaped legs or even stomach. I'm now 29 and I just feel like breast have been over done, it no longer excites me.
IMO, just being honest here. Your butt is either extremely nice or your other features are lacking and thus men use your best feature as their way of showing interest.
I doubt that. I'm guessing that the OP has a large butt relative to the rest of her body. When women are in decent shape, have a small waist, and a big butt- forget it! Men can't control themselves when they see it and go all ! They turn into idiots. It's not the OP's fault that men see her butt and instantly think of sex. She doesn't even have to flirt or smile- her butt does all the talking for her. lol
I doubt that. I'm guessing that the OP has a large butt relative to the rest of her body. When women are in decent shape, have a small waist, and a big butt- forget it! Men can't control themselves when they see it and go all ! They turn into idiots. It's not the OP's fault that men see her butt and instantly think of sex. She doesn't even have to flirt or smile- her butt does all the talking for her. lol
Hell ya, that's what I'm tak'n about.
whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk, inside your trunk...
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) because my butt was so big, etc. I was embarrassed and mortified. I've been asked other crazy questions, or approached in other inappropriate ways as well(at work and outside of it).
! They turn into idiots. It's not the OP's fault that men see her butt and instantly think of sex. She doesn't even have to flirt or smile- her butt does all the talking for her. lol
