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Lurker chiming in because I enjoy threads about 30 and never married...
I'm 33. I thought I wanted the conventional life (marriage and kids) then as I got older realized it wasn't necessarily the way to go. I enjoy the simple life - I put in my 40-45 hours then come home and relax. I'm not sure I could ever find someone great enough to remove my hesitations about marriage.
I haven't had to put up with games (other than messaging people on OLD who eventually disappear) but I didn't start dating seriously until late 20's so I have very limited experience. It took me 7 months to meet someone via OLD. I was surprised as I thought it would be easy! I had 4 1st dates and eventually one turned into my current relationship (who is awesome but still have those hesitations).
I want my dating to turn into a long term committed relationships without marriage (I'm not religious). Commitment is determined by your actions not your words (the marriage vows) or a piece of paper. I'll put in time and money and won't put up with any crap. I like my simple life and I'm looking for the same.
My biggest concern with marriage is financial. I am done with spending money. I have done the lifestyle creep thing the last 8 years as my income rose and now have all the material possessions I want. I have a half way paid off home and save $65K/year. Pay off house and that becomes $80K/year. How the heck can I be sure that someone would be on board with that after getting married? How do I know 5, 10, or 15 years later they won't say my 2000 sq ft home isn't enough let's go bigger or let's remodel or let's get a BMW? Just because someone manages their lower income one way doesn't mean they will handle a 6 figure income the same way and that's where I worry the most. They could be on board but then after 5 years decide to leave and take half. I am more than happy to share while someone is with me but if they choose to leave that means they lose the benefits of my income. I could find someone with an income and savings like mine but it's already hard enough to meet someone you get along with so adding income criteria would make it even worse!
Yes, I wouldn't mind it. But I'm not going to settle or force things if it doesn't happen. Really there's only one girl I'd consider marrying right now.
Good thread. I think in my 20s I wanted to be married more than now but I never could pull the trigger on the stress of earning a middle class living. If I had the burden of paying for a big mortgage, car payments , credit cards and student loan debts I would go insane. I just don't get why most people (women for me) aren't interested in a simpler , low cost, mostly debt free lifestyle.
It is alot cheaper and less stressful to be single with no kids. Im not 30 yet but after my first marriage Im gonna wait quite a while before I even consider it again
Dunno. I'm 32, things aren't looking good for the marriage thing that I hoped for.
I will be in my mid 30s in a few years, and if I ever meet another woman who is interested, she will probably count some of these things against me, which is more stuff I don't need nor want when it comes to dating, but it will be inevitable.
Though I admit that a lot of this is my fault, and a lot of it has to do with me not wanting to be like everyone else and marrying right out of high school, nor even in my 20s. I thought people who did this were too naive because they didn't know what they actually wanted, and now most of them are divorced.
But paying attention to my surroundings in the last 8 or so years, I don't believe that even if I met a woman around here, I don't think I'd consider her marriage material. I'm not OK with dating a woman with multiple kids, heroine/drug addicts, and I'm not sure if I'm even OK with dating someone who's divorced yet, since I've spoken to several divorced women and I wasn't too fond of what they had to say.
Doesn't seem like the cards I was dealt had most of the stuff I wanted in them. Womp womp.
Good thread. I think in my 20s I wanted to be married more than now but I never could pull the trigger on the stress of earning a middle class living. If I had the burden of paying for a big mortgage, car payments , credit cards and student loan debts I would go insane. I just don't get why most people (women for me) aren't interested in a simpler , low cost, mostly debt free lifestyle.
I don't understand why so many men think you have to be in debt to be married. My husband and I have a mortgage and a car payment on one car and we could pay off the car today but it doesn't make financial sense to do so because the interest rate is so low. We don't have any credit card debt and never intend to have any. We don't buy things we don't need. If anything, I'm the one pushing us to spend less and save more just because I want to simplify life. I earn just as much money as my husband, as well, so if we were to ever separate (which won't happen if it's up to me) we're on equal footing financially anyway. I have just as much to lose as he does.
If you're in a committed relationship and one party wants marriage I don't see a good reason not to unless you really aren't committed to the other person and want to be able to make a quick get-away.
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