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Men who who have options don't want to settle down? And in other news the sky is blue and water is wet. It's like Chris Rock said in one of his stand up routines, men are only as faithful as their options. A guy who's good looking and has an outgoing charming personality or a dude who has money is less likely to want to settle down with just one chick as opposed to a dude who couldn't get a woman to save his life and is ready to settle down with anything with a skirt. And even when the guys who are "alphas"/playas settle down some of them still can't stop chasing tail. I have a friend who women think is attractive and he's always been good with women, even going back to when we were in high school. And even though he's married he still can't stop playing the field. I think a lot of guys really don't want to be married, they just do it because they think that's what is expected of them or they want to have kids.(Which is the case in my situation)
I think family values definitely come into play. I know two attractive, outgoing guys who got married around 24/25 which I think is kind of young. One of them has been dating his wife since high school though, so I guess they dated for like 10 years at least. They might've even lost their virginity to each other. Aww. But I think decent guys who actually value commitment and family will want to settle down and get married and not wait forever to do it.
For some young guys, there doesn't need to be an "incentive" to want a relationship. Humans need to bond. That's all.
Exactly. The "incentive" for men to be in a relationship is the same as it is for women: companionship. Why would it be otherwise? Some people desire it, other people don't. Either way, life goes on. Would you really want to be with a man who was only with you because there was an "incentive," anyway?
Men who who have options don't want to settle down? And in other news the sky is blue and water is wet. It's like Chris Rock said in one of his stand up routines, men are only as faithful as their options. A guy who's good looking and has an outgoing charming personality or a dude who has money is less likely to want to settle down with just one chick as opposed to a dude who couldn't get a woman to save his life and is ready to settle down with anything with a skirt. And even when the guys who are "alphas"/playas settle down some of them still can't stop chasing tail. I have a friend who women think is attractive and he's always been good with women, even going back to when we were in high school. And even though he's married he still can't stop playing the field. I think a lot of guys really don't want to be married, they just do it because they think that's what is expected of them or they want to have kids.(Which is the case in my situation)
So what you're saying is that a dude's looks and charm predetermine him to player status. That's bogus, man. His culture, his upbringing, his home experience have nothing to do with it? That's not the way life works.
Some good-looking dudes are into being family men and having that female companionship and support at what's now considered an early age. Dudes from conservative backgrounds, for example, tend to be into wanting to pair off in college, if not HS. Some liberal dudes go for that, too. Those who get married later aren't all players, either. Some are looking for that special girl. Maybe you've only been around players all your adult life, so you're seeing the scene from your narrow perspective. I have friends from college who fit the bolded description who've been married since their mid-20's. It takes all kinds to make a world. Not all sharp-looking dudes are the same.
Some good-looking dudes are into being family men and having that female companionship and support at what's now considered an early age.
This is true. Some guys are just programmed to be family men and to want a good woman's company, and they don't want to waste any time. They're either not into the party scene, or they figure college is for playing the field and then settling down. Looks/charm have nothing to do with the mindset of some guys. They use their charm to snag their future wife in college or not long after.
Chris Rock was wrong. lol His generalization makes for a good comedy schtick, but that's about all it's good for.
This is true. Some guys are just programmed to be family men and to want a good woman's company, and they don't want to waste any time. They're either not into the party scene, or they figure college is for playing the field and then settling down. Looks/charm have nothing to do with the mindset of some guys. They use their charm to snag their future wife in college or not long after.
Curious as to the choice of words you used... why "programmed" in stead of just "prefer"......
I'm not being a dick, I'm just curious as the word programmed has negative connotations.......
Oh. It doesn't have negative connotations to me. Some people are wired towards commitment, others are wired for playing the field, and still others are wired to struggle until they overcome their childhood experience.
So what you're saying is that a dude's looks and charm predetermine him to player status. That's bogus, man. His culture, his upbringing, his home experience have nothing to do with it? That's not the way life works.
I will take the middle position in this debate.
Consider the following assertion.... Those people will be obedient to the law, who either fear punishment if they transgress, or who need the law's protection from those who are stronger. Those people will be inclined to share, who realize that later they might need succor and assistance from others. So in times of plenty they give generously. Morality, in other words, is acquiescence to our own frailty. We do the "right thing" either because we fear opprobrium if we act in vile or selfish ways; or, because we seek to curry favor and to ingratiate ourselves into the community consciousness. By this reasoning, the truly strong can dispense with morality. They will transgress with glee, thinking themselves to be above community censure. Well, as we get older, we become more realistic in our self-assessment, and become more inclined to compromise and obedience, because we realize the finitude of our individual prowess. We realize that we need other people. And so we become less predatory and more conciliatory.
How does the above reasoning fail? It ignores altruism - the willful desire to supersede personal appetite out of regard for the abstract greater good, and in particular for the benefit of others. It ignores laziness; even the rapacious egotist will tire of fighting for everything, of competing and staking out turf. He will seek shortcuts, and shortcuts involve conciliatory and deferential response to others. And it ignores differences in taste and appetite. Some people just don't want more stuff, or more land, or more concubines.
What about culture? Culture is a form of externally-imposed maturity, a reckoning with one's finitude. It is important in guiding behavior, but ultimately, a sufficiently brazen individual will disregard culture, no matter how restrictive or conservative. We accede to the demands of culture for the same reason that we obey the law: we weigh pros and cons, and conclude that our strength is modest. It is better to follow cultural norms, lest we become abandoned and isolated.
Maybe you didn't get my gist, Ohio. I wasn't saying culture and upbringing win out all the time. I was saying they exert a strong enough influence on some people that those people won't be interested in the temptations around them. They'll be more interested in re-creating the cozy home life they came from, even if the option arises to be a player. It's not about "acceeding" to the "demands" of culture. Some people are comfortable with what's familiar, and with what gave them a happy home life and a happy childhood. They want that for themselves as adults.
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