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I think people who give advice on here should try and give "examples". How else is a guy who struggles in dating going to learn if he doesn't have an idea of how to succeed?
I did it by getting sick of being alone, shy and just sticking to my regular routine.
Really, just getting out there is tough.. That's on them. I was so nervous I almost threw up before my first date. The date was painfully awkward, as were the next 4-5! I still kept at it.. It was a long process to overcome my shyness.
I think before you even get to the point above you have to improve yourself enough so you like how you look, you feel somewhat confident in some areas. The good things in life require effort. That's all there is..
I'm actually do well in most areas anymore. I can manage my anxiety to the point where people can't smell it on me.
I think people who give advice on here should try and give "examples". How else is a guy who struggles in dating going to learn if he doesn't have an idea of how to succeed?
Most people on here give tons of examples and advice... it's just usually overlooked.
I see it quite a bit on this forum. The unsuccessful posters state their problems with dating and relationships while the successful state how easy it is to be successful in dating and relationships. In actuality scoffing at the unsuccessful. Just because its easy for some people doesn't mean it is easy for everyone or even possible for some.
I agree that bragging and being insensitive is uncalled for. But stating how well you have done is not always scoffing. Some people take offense to it because they're unhappy and refuse to own their role in it.
I think people who give advice on here should try and give "examples". How else is a guy who struggles in dating going to learn if he doesn't have an idea of how to succeed?
We do by the boxcar. But these guys never take it.
It really doesn't take a lot to master fundamental social skills. It means being a) conscientious of the other person, b) being a good listener, and c) speaking in ways appropriate to the conversation. Oh, and sure there are plenty of glib guys out there. But while they do well in the dating department, they tend to crash and burn in the relationship department.
I wholeheartedly agree, that basic social skills are indeed fundamental; and they are not particularly difficult to hone. Politeness, ability to hold a conversation, listening-skills, a modicum of patience and self-restraint,... yes, all eminently necessary, and again, not particularly difficult to acquire. But we mean different things by "social skills"!
It is one thing to hold one's own in a social setting, and quite another to inject oneself into that social setting in the first place. No amount of politeness, empathy, good manners or good character will generate that first introduction. Instead what's required is poise and panache - skills orthogonal to conscientiousness and so forth.
The "skills" mentioned by CPG facilitate passage from the first date to the nth date, and perhaps ultimately to marriage. But by themselves they do nothing to effect that first date.
How often on this Forum do we find postings lamenting that so-and-so (typically male) botched a first-date, and is searching for advice on passage towards a second date, for future occasions? Rarely. Instead we hear woeful dirges of how that first date never materializes, and how there is never even that first chance to blunder and botch.
I think people who give advice on here should try and give "examples". How else is a guy who struggles in dating going to learn if he doesn't have an idea of how to succeed?
I wholeheartedly agree, that basic social skills are indeed fundamental; and they are not particularly difficult to hone. Politeness, ability to hold a conversation, listening-skills, a modicum of patience and self-restraint,... yes, all eminently necessary, and again, not particularly difficult to acquire. But we mean different things by "social skills"!
It is one thing to hold one's own in a social setting, and quite another to inject oneself into that social setting in the first place. No amount of politeness, empathy, good manners or good character will generate that first introduction. Instead what's required is poise and panache - skills orthogonal to conscientiousness and so forth.
The "skills" mentioned by CPG facilitate passage from the first date to the nth date, and perhaps ultimately to marriage. But by themselves they do nothing to effect that first date.
How often on this Forum do we find postings lamenting that so-and-so (typically male) botched a first-date, and is searching for advice on passage towards a second date, for future occasions? Rarely. Instead we hear woeful dirges of how that first date never materializes, and how there is never even that first chance to blunder and botch.
Like the heads of a million hammers on a million nails. That's the problem! I was going to comment on MarshallV84's quote about being nervous on the nth date. That's not the problem. Getting the first date is the GD problem!
Just like if they tell a guy what it means to have game, you just can't tell what it means you have to say fr example, so that he can LEARN!! lol
Lion taming is easy man! Any one can do it, just get out there and do it!
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