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Hi there everybody . So I'm new here, but in need of some opinions on a situation that I am going through at the moment. Here's what's going on. So about 3 weeks ago, I started talking to a great guy that I met on an online dating site. After being on some sites for a while, I started giving up hope of ever finding a "real" guy as I call it. All I was getting was rude, inappropriate guys emailing me and I was getting sick of it. Well finally, this guy in question emails me, and we started talking through message and then finally texting with each other. For the first week and a half or so, we would talk for the whole day, every day, with him initiating conversation every single time. Well after that week and a half passed, we actually decided to meet up and see where things went. Well to sum the story up, things went great. We chatted and laughed the whole night, and even though I know I'll probably get some disagreement over this one, we were intimate with each other. After he left, he sent me a text saying he had a great time, and that we would be getting together again soon, and continued to text for most of the day. So here is where my question comes in.... Ever since that morning he left, texts have decreased A LOT to hardly anything anymore. We do still text daily, but I can only count about 3 times that he initiated contact, all the rest were me. I've even noticed that after I text, it takes him a while to respond and sometimes, after I text him something after a little bit of prior texting, he will just stop responding. I mean, I understand that maybe he didn't feel it was necessary to respond, but still, idk. Well a few nights after he came over, we were texting with each other and he actually told me that he wants to get to know me more without being intimate. That he just wants to hang out with me and get to know me. That made me feel really good, cause it made me think he was definitely still interested. So the other day, I texted him after I got out of work, he responded and we texted back and forth for a good while. Later that night, he actually asked if I wanted to hang out, and I replied sure, so he came over again and we had a great night again!. We had so much fun together, were intimate again, and he asked me to do certain things with him during the summer. But after he left, is when things started going downhill again. I texted him after he left this time saying that I had a great time, and he just pretty much responded "okay", and I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day and night. That REALLY threw me off, but I figured well maybe he's just busy. So yesterday, I texted him in the morning, and we chatted for about an hour back and forth, but then he just stopped responding....and today, I decided not to text him, seeing if he would text me at all, but so far nothing, and to be honest, I'm not hopeful that I will hear from him at all today....so here I am.
I am just REALLY confused by all of this. Is he giving me mixed signals, or does it seem that he's not interested anymore?. I mean I know we've only known each other for a few weeks, but still, I just don't know what to think about this. At one point, because the texts were decreasing so much, I actually sent him a text asking if he was still interested, and if not to let me know, and he responded that he was taking a nap or something and we chatted for a bit afterwards, and he didn't say if he was interested still or not, but considering that was before he came over a few nights ago, I would assume he at least WAS still interested at that time.
If anybody has any opinions, I would greatly appreciate it!. Thanks!
Next time, don't move so fast so soon. You learned a lesson here. Hopefully. if you give it up too quickly, we get the impression you're just a good time girl, not into a serious relationship.
I am getting a strong feeling he just wanted to have sex with you.
The constant back and fourth, up hill downhill, conversation no conversation, after you had sex is a strong indicator. Or maybe he could just be busy.
I think it's the first. A lot of people can put on this "nice person" facade just to keep you on the hook. Be careful next time, or just have a good honest conversation and let him know what it is you want, and ask him what he really wants from you.
The texting decreased after the first date because he got what he wanted. What dating site were you on? Sorry that happened to you. But I think Newbie is right--don't be in such a hurry next time.
It could be that he thinks he's 'in' with you so he doesn't have to put as much effort into calling. Plus, if he can rely on you to text all the time, he might not feel like he has to do it himself. Maybe he doesn't like texting but he was doing it because he thought you wanted to.
I definitely wouldn't trust anything he says after you've just had sex (I'm assuming that's what happened?)... people tend to be a lot more commitment minded when they're laying in the afterglow.
I don't know how it is with girls (I think they tend to know what they want more, actually) but in the opening stages of something like this a lot of guys aren't quite sure exactly how they feel about you and they're still making up their mind.
I would just lay off the texts and wait for him to get back to you... if he doesn't, then it's not meant to be.
well, you say "well" alot... but that's not the point here..
I know guys always say girls play games; but i think you need to play this one strategically.
Don't show him you are too interested in him; you sound insecure when you ASK him if he's interested or not! Just take a step back, relax, and let him make the moves.. if he does, GREAT! If not, you have better things to do!
Pretend like you don't even realize he's not texting as much!
If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will definitely lose him in a few weeks.
When you are doing most of the contacting, and he appears interested off and on, there is actually no mixed signal. He is giving you minimal, which appears to be enough for you to hang on and still have sex with him. If that is not what you want, stop contacting him and don't be available every time he contacts you. Move on.
There are some very smooth men out there and I can understand how you thought that you two were really into each other. Decide on the type of relationship that you want and stick to your decision. You have to spend time with someone to really get to know them. In doing so, it is not about what a person says, but about what he does and how he treats you. I have met some really "nice" men online and have had fun dates, and talking on the phone. Once they realize that I meant what I said about the kind of relationship I want, they slowly lose interest.
These are not mixed signals, this is a guy who doesn't have interest enough in you to date you but wouldn't mind possibly being FWB until he's found the woman he wants a relationship with. Both men and women do this and it can be confusing, just know that you probably won't hear from him again...and that's a good thing. You deserve much better than what he's giving.
I def hear what you are all saying. I agree that maybe I moved too fast. But the reason I'm asking about the mixed signals, is because after he left the first time, the texts definitely decreased, but we would still talk, and it was a few days after he left my house that he texted me out of the blue saying that he wanted to get to know more about me WITHOUT having to have sex. That he wanted to hang out with me and essentially take me on a date. And the morning he left the first time, he was the one that texted me on his way home saying he had a great time and that he would see me soon. It is mostly after this last time that I feel the biggest difference. The actual night a few nights ago went great!. We had a great time, laughed, cuddled, and he asked me to do things with him during the summer. One of the things being he actually asked me to do something specific, and sounded like he was asking me on a date, but he was very "skiddish" about it....and after I said I would go with him, he joked and said "nope your not allowed" but laughed afterwards. After he left, we kissed goodbye, and that's where the biggest "in question" comes in. When he left he said he'd talk to me and see me soon and then left. So like I mentioned, I texted him and said I had a great time, but he just replied with a laugh and then an "okay" and now it's like he fell off the face of the earth. I never heard from him at all today and to be honest it has me a bit bummed, but at the same time, I feel that maybe he's doing the right thing and not jumping into anything too fast. When I did the whole "are you still interested text" I mentioned that if he ever loses interest, to let me know and to not just disappear if possible and he replied with a laugh and said "your fine". So in a way, I really feel that maybe he just has other things going on but I just have that little worry in the back of my mind .
I guess part of the worry has to do with my ex boyfriend. When I met him, I literally thought I found my soul mate. We were so perfect together, never argued, nothing. But a little over a month of dating, he disappeared on me while I was sleeping (went back to his ex's house "for his kids"). Well about a month after he disappeared, I got a text from him asking me to call him, so I did, and he apologized up and down and said he still loved me and wanted to come back, and because I believed his reason that it was "for his kids", I gave him a second chance. Well needless to say, 6 days after he came back, I woke up to find him gone once again and have not heard from him since (almost 2 months ago). So yea, I def have a big fear that this guy is going to do the same thing, and it would really upset me cause I like him a lot
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