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This is the internet and internet is not serious business. i wonder how many people here really approach random women in real life?!
Public speaking is difficult to a lot of people believe it or not. One can certainly argue that public speaking shouldn't be that difficult either. Just go ahead and do it. But normative statements aside, the fact is that, for most people, it is difficult.
In real life, the guy who stares at the girl across the bar but never approaches knows that this will be difficult to do when his pride, reputation and success all hinge on his performance. Many of my guy friends have secretly told us girls that they had to drink some alcohol before cold approaching a random woman in the bar. And these guy are pretty popular guys who are all pretty good looking.
I don't know why there are so many approaching random women threads. But I know in real life, there are not a lot of guys really do it, even if they do it, not much success.
I'd say it's not very successful for most... men cold approaching woman or women cold approaching men. Let's face it, it's the equivalent of a cold call telemarketing call. You are going to get "hung up on" a lot. You no nothing about the person you are walking up to (if they are married, in a relationship, gay, just broke up and aren't looking for anything, crazier than a bag of cats, etc).
I do it because it's fun. I've never had any success with it (the closest I got was a man I exchanged numbers with--but no date). I just like meeting people and talking to them--if I ever get a date, hey, that's a bonus! I've met some very interesting people that way. And I think that's the key to it all. You have to LIKE and ENJOY approaching people--all while knowing you probably won't succeed. And that means liking and enjoying approaching and talking to all kinds of strangers, not just potential dates.
If you don't like and enjoy it, you are going to be a nervous stress case and it's going to be a horrible and moral crushing experience. If you don't enjoy it, stick to other methods like online dating, meeting socially (and if your social circle isn't big enough, build it up more), or attending events where you have a reasonable amount of chance of success like a speed dating event or singles event.
And for what it's worth, I don't think a lot of people do it (men or women). I agree with lilyflower in that regard. Out of the hundreds of people I see, pass and could interact with, I rarely get approached. None of my friends (again, male or female) get approached either. I think it's one of those things that people think "everyone" is doing when they really aren't.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I'm still not even sure what is meant by "approaching".
I mean, after doing something most of the day last Sunday I stopped by a bar to catch the end of a NBA game and I sat at one of the open stools next to a woman focused on a Ipad thing... eventually we started talking and had a great conversation for a couple of hours. Did I approach her? I just sat and talked with a person.
She was married, of course I didn't know (or care) when I sat down... but does that change whether I approached her?
Or do I have to ask for her number to approach her? If so, why would I have done so without talking to her first... and if I talked to her for awhile first like I did and ask for her number, would it then not be considered a cold or random approach?
Lots of this just doesn't make sense to me as terms, not defined, are being thrown around.
I'm still not even sure what is meant by "approaching".
I mean, after doing something most of the day last Sunday I stopped by a bar to catch the end of a NBA game and I sat at one of the open stools next to a woman focused on a Ipad thing... eventually we started talking and had a great conversation for a couple of hours. Did I approach her? I just sat and talked with a person.
She was married, of course I didn't know (or care) when I sat down... but does that change whether I approached her?
Or do I have to ask for her number to approach her? If so, why would I have done so without talking to her first... and if I talked to her for awhile first like I did and ask for her number, would it then not be considered a cold or random approach?
Lots of this just doesn't make sense to me as terms, not defined, are being thrown around.
This is a good point. We might all be looking at "approaching" differently.
I'm still not even sure what is meant by "approaching".
I mean, after doing something most of the day last Sunday I stopped by a bar to catch the end of a NBA game and I sat at one of the open stools next to a woman focused on a Ipad thing... eventually we started talking and had a great conversation for a couple of hours. Did I approach her? I just sat and talked with a person.
She was married, of course I didn't know (or care) when I sat down... but does that change whether I approached her?
Or do I have to ask for her number to approach her? If so, why would I have done so without talking to her first... and if I talked to her for awhile first like I did and ask for her number, would it then not be considered a cold or random approach?
Lots of this just doesn't make sense to me as terms, not defined, are being thrown around.
Good question.
Bolded sounded more like casual conversation with a stranger. People do that all the time. I don't think you really "approached" her, I bet if she was a guy, you would have done the same thing.
Approaching in op's case (correct me if I am wrong) means that approach a girl you are physically attracted to make a conscious effort to approach her, so that she can be interested in you back.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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So if I think she's cute and purposely chose that stool because of where she was sitting then I'm approaching her, but if I didn't I'm not?
Ok, at least there is some reason to that.
She was cute, and got cuter as we spoke, but when I picked the stool it was more for the view of the game and what was open. So, guess it wasn't an approach...
I'm still not even sure what is meant by "approaching".
I mean, after doing something most of the day last Sunday I stopped by a bar to catch the end of a NBA game and I sat at one of the open stools next to a woman focused on a Ipad thing... eventually we started talking and had a great conversation for a couple of hours. Did I approach her? I just sat and talked with a person.
She was married, of course I didn't know (or care) when I sat down... but does that change whether I approached her?
Or do I have to ask for her number to approach her? If so, why would I have done so without talking to her first... and if I talked to her for awhile first like I did and ask for her number, would it then not be considered a cold or random approach?
Lots of this just doesn't make sense to me as terms, not defined, are being thrown around.
I always thought this is what approaching was.
Whenever I go somewhere, like a bar, airport, literally anywhere I go alone.. I scan the area for the hottest woman I see and sit by her. Then I will start a conversation with her unless she does something that I don't like.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
Whenever I go somewhere, like a bar, airport, literally anywhere I go alone.. I scan the area for the hottest woman I see and sit by her. Then I will start a conversation with her unless she does something that I don't like.
Generally I do the same thing, it was a long day at that point... just wanted a damn beer and to chill.
Or I pick out the location with the best sight lines if there is no obvious place to sit.
Oh, and she was married... but she has a single sister who she offered up, but she warned me she is bigger with 5 year old twins... I took a pass and we had a good laugh on that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
This is not the "approach" op was talking about. You did not have the intention to approach anybody, you just let things happen.
Ok, fair enough... I don't know how I would approach even if I wanted to... to me it is all about putting yourself in the right place at the right time and having the right mindset... then just letting things happen and going with the flow. That's always how I've met women "randomly".
Anyway, I'm certainly not going to know if I want to ask anyone out before I speak to her for awhile.
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