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Not related to success per say, but important to keep your morale up, you have to actually enjoy approaching--success or not. Enjoy cold approaching for the sake of it... for the thrill or the challenge. It's like gambling, you don't win most of the time, but you play for the thrill of possibly winning.
If you don't like it, it's going to be frustrating and demoralizing for you. I don't think that's something a person can change though, either you like it or you don't. I'd say if you don't, it's best to find other avenues to find someone.
Last edited by jillabean; 05-08-2014 at 07:36 AM..
Reason: Fixed typo :D
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
Not related to success per say, but important to keep your moral up, you have to actually enjoy approaching--success or not. Enjoy cold approaching for the sake of it... for the thrill or the challenge. It's like gambling, you don't win most of the time, but you play for the thrill of possibly winning.
If you don't like it, it's going to be frustrating and demoralizing for you. I don't think that's something a person can change though, either you like it or you don't. I'd say if you don't, it's best to find other avenues to find someone.
Morale, even
But yeah, if you don't like connecting with people for the sake of connecting (without ulterior motives) then it will be a miserable experience.
Generaly I would agree with the idea of being "on it." I've described it as having the ability to recognize an opportunity and the willingness to pursue it. I suppose that's the same thing as being "on it."
I disagree with the 3rd element. I think wittiness, even if done well, can be perceived as contrived and disengenuous. Sometimes a witty comment comes as a natural progression of the conversation and that's okay, but I would encourage sincerity over wittiness every time. Especially if one is not naturally witty. Not everyone is witty, but everyone can be sincere.
I can take that. But there has to be an element that describes the ability to be sincere yet quick thinking using sincerity or humor to at least ease the tension.
Not related to success per say, but important to keep your morale up, you have to actually enjoy approaching--success or not. Enjoy cold approaching for the sake of it... for the thrill or the challenge. It's like gambling, you don't win most of the time, but you play for the thrill of possibly winning.
If you don't like it, it's going to be frustrating and demoralizing for you. I don't think that's something a person can change though, either you like it or you don't. I'd say if you don't, it's best to find other avenues to find someone.
This is very true. you have to like it to begin with.
Treat the woman like -- wait for it -- a person, not a fertility goddess.
I never strolled up to a woman at a party or a bar with the express intention of getting a date. I strolled up to a woman at a party to actually talk to her. If there wasn't chemistry, I moved on. I didn't treat her as the end-all, be-all acme of human existence.
Women can smell an ulterior motive a mile away. So don't have one. Yeah, I know that requires a bit of jujitsu on your part, but that's the way the world is.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
I never strolled up to a woman at a party or a bar with the express intention of getting a date. I strolled up to a woman at a party to actually talk to her. If there wasn't chemistry, I moved on. I didn't treat her as the end-all, be-all acme of human existence.
And also not expect anything from them. Just because you worked up the nerve to approach doesn't mean you will get what you want, and you need to be okay with that going in.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
And also not expect anything from them. Just because you worked up the nerve to approach doesn't mean you will get what you want, and you need to be okay with that going in.
I, personally, think that is part of treating people like people... as in not treating them like something to acquire, conquer, or get something from. Golden rule stuff. But fair enough
Treat the woman like -- wait for it -- a person, not a fertility goddess.
I never strolled up to a woman at a party or a bar with the express intention of getting a date. I strolled up to a woman at a party to actually talk to her. Women can smell an ulterior motive a mile away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Exactly. Just treat people like people.
I hear you CPG- i don't know how that can be implemented into its own element. But also, we are talking about random encounters here- times when you are walking along side by side with someone that just got off the train and you may never see them again. Is it even reasonable to disguise your intentions? I am sure you have viewed the clips of a man seeing a female across the street and doing everything he can to cross over and get her attention. You think she doesn't smell his "ulterior motive"? - that happens in real life as well but may not be as dramatic but its based on personal emotions and experiences expressed through the camera.
Furthermore, if you are at a coffee shop and you think you may have gotten signals, is there an ulterior motive on the her part- does she partly disguise it? Why all the hiding and fronts? Is it that a man MUST wait for clues in order not to give the ulterior motive stench? I don't know, its a conversation to be had. Let's see what others say.
Below is from another poster in another thread-
"In real life, the guy who stares at the girl across the bar but never approaches knows that this will be difficult to do when his pride, reputation and success all hinge on his performance. Many of my guy friends have secretly told us girls that they had to drink some alcohol before cold approaching a random woman in the bar. And these guy are pretty popular guys who are all pretty good looking".
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