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Last week an attractive girl invited me to a formal dance thingy (i.e. an excuse to drink and party with a date) that was last night. She seemed excited about it during the week, and so was I. Honestly, I had to go to a bit of effort to make myself available to attend. I had this idea that maybe it could be a night of building chemistry and whatnot. At the very least I thought it could be good for experience. Well, it wasn't horrendous, but it wasn't anything special. The whole thing seemed "forced" and I didn't feel like I was making the night enjoyable for her. Guess she's not that into me --- like, at all. I couldn't get over thoughts that she probably just invited me as a Plan D when her Plans A, B and C couldn't go. Waking up this morning with disappointment and a slight hangover was the worse feeling ever. My self-confidence has plummeted further. I just am not able to court women. It is outside my range of natural abilities.
You get better. I have self-esteem issues with guys. ut thing is, you have to try and make the most when it happens.
If someone asked you out, don't let your low self-esteem show. Because dating someone mopey isn't attractive or fun.
1 cute guy did tell me I was beautiful, asked questions about me, find my skin color interesting, and let me try out some stuff for free.. And I just smiled, laughed, and talked to him. Nothing came of it, but it made my day that a kinda cute guy gave me a compliment and attention.
So, if you're excited let it show, but make effort to keep the nigh fun. If all else fails and you can't think of something, ask the person about themselves. In a way that throws the ball to them, and you can build off of them and add to the conversation.
If anything kills you, it's lack of confidence. Confidence is attractive.
I won't give names. But there were 2 guys I was very attracted to, and physically they were NOT attractive. But their confidence, and charisma made them sexy. They also weren't pushovers to be messed with.
So, I like an alpha male type of guy. And even if he's not classically handsome, if he had the qualities I liked, I think I would accept him.
My brother's fiance wanted me to meet a guy she worked with, who was nice. The guy was nice, but I was not physically attracted, which was made worse by me not being attracted to his personality either. It wasn't a bad personality. But not the kind I am attracted to for dating--more a friend zone.
Now, you don't have to be an alpha male. Just be a guy that knows how to have fun. Don't be too shy. Because there's probably lots of girls that don't care about bad boy and alpha. They just want a sweet guy who respects them, and can have a nice time. That's all you need. But you have to find these girls. And you do that by talking to some.
If you are just terrible doing that in person, try online dating. Sites with many people that want someone but are too shy to meet people and put themselves out there in person. You can filter out qualities you don't want the girl to have, and put your interests in, and wait for the responses. Or greet some of the girls that seem nice and ask questions to spark conversation.
But being mopey and coming off desperate doesn't help. And I know, as I had a run-in with a desperate guy online.
I am a member of an adult site. Still a virgin, and i have some pix there. A guy, also a virgin saw my profile and said that we should become friends since I was a virgin too. I thought nothing of it. Then he sent me another message, literally begging me to talk to him. So, I felt bad, and sent him a "Hey" message.
He replied with "hello, fellow virgin, how are you."
He seemed very fixated on that--creepy, and has made clearly he's desperate for sex, and a girl-and to cam chat with girls. So, not an attractive quality. So, when I did speak to him, my answers were short before I stopped replying.
I never dated, and would like to, and have sex. So, I may have low self-esteem. But I wouldn't show that to a guy I wanted get with. lol
So, be independent, and confident. If you are desperate, or have very low self-esteem, don't show it lol
So, OP, in your estimation, what exactly went wrong? At the beginning of the night, she was into you. At the end of the night, she wasn't. What changed her mind?
Did you dance with her? Did you carry on a good conversation? Did she initiate either and did you fail to respond positively? If so, then she was probably disappointed in you. Otherwise, we need more information.
I can not understand why PPL with any depressing thoughts of ANY kind reach for a very well known depressant...alcohol? It's the worse ANYONE can do to help them with any depressing anything or any negative thoughts of anything. The first thing you should do is STOP consuming a depressant. You can go on a date and drink many other choices besides any alcohol, a known depressant. She asked you out...yeah...one point for you. Who gives a rats a$$ what number choice you were and did that even help you thinking up such ****? Look in the mirror, sober, and start to make your world a better place with the man in the mirror. STOP, the self defeating negative thoughts and just enjoy the moment. Keep the crap away from alcohol! Alcohol is NEVER going to help you! My 2cents worth.
Maybe the chemistry just wasn't there. It happens a lot, two people look forward to going out with one another only to find that they've "overhyped" the date and it was a big disappointment not because it was a bad date but because it didn't meet the high expectations that one or both people set for the date. Ask her out again and if she says yes, make solid plans.
Why are you putting these situations AND the women involved on a pedestal man? Just go out to have fun, everything else will fall into place. Don't think so much.
I would advise reading some game columns. Don't bother with the lines and scripts part of PUA, but rather read into the attraction dynamics. You'd be surprised the simple mistakes you make that can turn women off to you.
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