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OP, If you've never even seen his place, maybe suggest cooking him a nice dinner at his home on the weekend, and see what kind of reaction you get.
I don't understand the part about her never seeing his place. Didn't she say she has to do all the driving to go see him?
OP, why are you the bad guy with his friends? Just because you want to see and talk to your guy more than once a week? That makes no sense. If he's made you out to be the bad guy, he really isn't' interested in a relationship, and he's not interested in you. Sorry, but there's no other conclusion to be drawn, here. If he were into you, he wouldn't be bad-mouthing you to his friends.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 05-15-2014 at 11:39 AM..
I don't understand the part about her never seeing his place. Didn't she say she has to do all the driving to go see him?
OP, why are you the bad guy with his friends? Just because you want to see and talk to your guy more than once a week? That makes no sense. If he's made you out to be the bad guy, he really isn't' interested in a relationship, and he's not interested in you. Sorry, but there's no other conclusion to be drawn, here.
Yes, she did say she always has to drive to see him.
OP, Have you been inside his house or do you meet him somewhere?
If I had to guess, Id say the guy has a wife and a family, and you are his side action. Sorry, Ive seen it more times than you could imagine. Trust your intuition, its been part of our evolution for thousands of years and has a meaningful purpose.
Yes, I've been to his house many times, as I always have to go see him. He says it's because he has a phobia of driving on the highway, but I've been a sucker to his lies, so I don't blame him for thinking of that ridiculous excuse. Not that I don't believe people have a fear of highways, but that he lies, lies, L I E S, so of course he probably drives on the highway to work every day.
He had a guy roommate, whom I met, for a long time, but then he moved out and married. So now (I think!), he lives alone.
I don't understand the part about her never seeing his place. Didn't she say she has to do all the driving to go see him?
OP, why are you the bad guy with his friends? Just because you want to see and talk to your guy more than once a week? That makes no sense. If he's made you out to be the bad guy, he really isn't' interested in a relationship, and he's not interested in you. Sorry, but there's no other conclusion to be drawn, here. If he were into you, he wouldn't be bad-mouthing you to his friends.
Yes, I agree. He doesn't necessarily call me a witch to his friends, yet he does the whole "poor me, why can't she understand? I have all these problems...and phobias...and blah blah blah", so then when I stick to my guns and don't drive to see him, and I don't answer his calls/emails on weekends -yep, I'm sad to say I've sunk to his level - he cries and whines and his friend asks why I'm being harsh.
The worst thing is that one of his friends is so protective of him and keeps prodding him to be himself, don't change for anyone. Ugh!! Believe me, I am the nicest, most accommodating person [humble too ] Lol!! So to have someone protect him from me is ridiculous.
I'm going to B&N this weekend and if it takes me all d*mn day, I'm going to find a self help book on letting go for good.
Yes, I agree. He doesn't necessarily call me a witch to his friends, yet he does the whole "poor me, why can't she understand? I have all these problems...and phobias...and blah blah blah", so then when I stick to my guns and don't drive to see him, and I don't answer his calls/emails on weekends -yep, I'm sad to say I've sunk to his level - he cries and whines and his friend asks why I'm being harsh.
OP, this sounds really bad. He whines and they call you harsh?? He tells his friends he has "problems" and phobias? You said he was a great guy except for the disappearing act. Well, all the above needs to be factored into the "great guy" part. This guy sounds strange, and either manipulative or wussy. You can do SO much better! Really.
("Phobias"??! He doesn't want you calling or emailing because of "phobias"?????? )
This dude is either hiding a gf or wife, or he's got too much baggage to be worth hanging with. Advice: dump. He's never been fully on board the relationship, anyway. There's not much there to dump.
The thread starts off with a description of an otherwise wonderful guy who doesn't want to get together or yammer away on the phone during the week, so he can unwind and watch TV. That I could relate to, and since he was an otherwise wonderful guy, I suggested his need for alone time should not be a big deal.
Now over the course of many posts, we learn that he whines and complains to his friends, he's never given her a birthday present, not even a card, he expects her to drive to see him but he'll never drive to see her, and he has all kinds of emotional baggage. He's beginning to sound like a PITA that I couldn't bear to deal with even once a week.
If the only problem was his not wanting to socialize during the week, then I'd still say no big deal, he probably needs alone time. But with all this other info, he's starting to sound like he's not worth the effort.
This is a great example of the need to include all relevant info in the initial post. I know some people are concerned about having their initial post be too long, but very important facts were left out, and then slowly doled out to us like breadcrumbs.
I doubt this guy has a secret wife. I can't imagine a woman putting up with him full-time.
You also might need to re-think that idea of "having his heart on his sleeve" as being a positive trait. You said it was something you liked. There's a fine line between having one's heart one's sleeve and being an emotionally draining annoying mess.
OP, this sounds really bad. He whines and they call you harsh?? He tells his friends he has "problems" and phobias? You said he was a great guy except for the disappearing act. Well, all the above needs to be factored into the "great guy" part. This guy sounds strange, and either manipulative or wussy. You can do SO much better! Really.
("Phobias"??! He doesn't want you calling or emailing because of "phobias"?????? )
I know. Believe me, I'm kicking myself for believing such lies. He will answer if I call on, say, a Mon. But he rushes me off, saying he needs to unwind. Okay, fine. But he can't call me back until Friday or Saturday. Again, I'm an idiot.
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Sorry, but there's no other conclusion to be drawn, here. If he were into you, he wouldn't be bad-mouthing you to his friends.
] Lol!! So to have someone protect him from me is ridiculous.
