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I used to be a pretty good pianist/composer in my time. And some of my classical music compositions are still on the web to this day.
A memory popped into my head about a girl I liked a lot way back when who liked me, but not as much as I liked her. After a concert I gave of some of my music which was warmly received, and in all the compliments and adulation I was receiving at the reception, her emotions suddenly changed from lukewarm to white-hot when we got alone afterwards, at her insistence I recall. She started begging me to make love to her. At first I thought it was the opportunity of a lifetime and reciprocated with kisses for a few moments, but for some reason I suddenly changed my mind and explained I couldn't do it because I thought she was reacting in the heat of passion over an illusion of me and not because she really liked me enough to want to do it otherwise, and might regret it later.
As I recall she was taken aback, maybe even somewhat insulted, but I do remember she never gave any warmth to me after that night, in fact she acted as if I didn't exist. The relationship crumbled.
If a girl you like wants to "do it" in the heat of the moment do her emotions dictate that if you know what best for your relationship with her you'd better give her what she wants? I know this is a minefield--a girl could hate you later for what she perceives as you taking advantage of her when she's weak, and I realize she was an adult who could make her own decisions. But that's from the outside looking in. When a guy is face-to-face with a volitile situation such as this: take advantage of girl who's in a state of strong passion when he knows it could either be something she'd regret afterwards OR it could be the most powerful romantic experience of her life, what should he do? Advise from the women in this case would be most welcomed.
Last edited by thrillobyte; 05-16-2014 at 03:59 PM..
I fear for the younger generation if they're asking a question like this.
Let me get this straight:
A young woman has, for whatever reason, decided she wishes to have sex with you. I assume there were some preliminaries and you're not sure you should close the deal.
I think you were smart. If only for your own sense of self-respect. She wasn't so interested in you when you were just you. But suddenly, when you appeared to transform into a minor celebrity before her eyes, she lost it, and threw herself at you. What a backhanded compliment! And is this really the kind of person you'd want to be with? If all you want out of it is a cheap thrill, that's one thing. But you'd been hoping for a serious relationship.
The question is: how would you have felt afterwards, if you'd given in? Knowing she was only with you because of the applause?
I think you were smart. If only for your own sense of self-respect. She wasn't so interested in you when you were just you. But suddenly, when you appeared to transform into a minor celebrity before her eyes, she lost it, and threw herself at you. What a backhanded compliment! And is this really the kind of person you'd want to be with? If all you want out of it is a cheap thrill, that's one thing. But you'd been hoping for a serious relationship.
The question is: how would you have felt afterwards, if you'd given in? Knowing she was only with you because of the applause?
I probably would have loved hating myself for doing it. The emotional roller-coaster probably would have gone like this: rather quickly followed by then then and finally .
In the end I think I made the right decision if only because if that's how she'd react when I'm trying to maintain some dignity for the both of us and she couldn't understand that, then it was likely the experience, while momentous for me, would have been forgettable for her once she was out of the throes of her passion.
But my question goes to the larger issue of guys who find themselves in this situation--why would a girl hate a guy afterwards for him not taking advantage of her emotional vulnerability when she wanted to do it?
I probably would have loved hating myself for doing it. The emotional roller-coaster probably would have gone like this: rather quickly followed by then then and finally .
In the end I think I made the right decision if only because if that's how she'd react when I'm trying to maintain some dignity for the both of us and she couldn't understand that, then it was likely the experience, while momentous for me, would have been forgettable for her once she was out of the throes of her passion.
But my question goes to the larger situation of guys who find themselves in this situation--why would a girl hate a guy afterwards for him taking advantage of her emotional vulnerability when she wanted to do it?
Because most people, male or female, don't like being rejected. Which is what you did. She likely felt embarrassed by your rejection after making her desires plain and, since you turned her down, she now dislikes you.
But my question goes to the larger situation of guys who find themselves in this situation--why would a girl hate a guy afterwards for him taking advantage of her emotional vulnerability when she wanted to do it?
No disrespect intended, but I have to think either your joking, or are having a slow day at work.
If she consents, she consents. Do her. It seems to me she will think less of you if you can't man up to the situation. It's like asking permission to kiss a worman. Just kiss her.
Am I missing something here?
Her: Oh, baby, let's do it.
Him: Gee, Molly, I dunno. What will you think of me in the morning?
Her: [breathing heavy] Mmmmmmm, do it, baby.
Him: I, I, I just can't. I don't want to lose your respect for me.
That's the penultimate definition of being a "nice guy": we lose even when we "win". g*ddam* conscience always getting in the way.
I suppose that's a fair point.
But women like sex too.
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rather quickly followed by 
then 
then 
and finally 
.
g*ddam* conscience always getting in the way.
