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I registered at this site today, because I felt that I had to get these emotions off my chest. Even if no advice is received, I will feel better for having it off my chest.
I am 20 years old, and currently work as an engineers helper at a large office tower in my city. My goal is to eventually become a building engineer for the company.
About a mouth and a half ago, our receptionist was transferred to another property and a temp was engaged.
This temporary employee, is 42/43 years old and one of the most attractive women I have met. She is very attractive physically, while her personality is most refined. Unlike most of the women who work in this environment she is a classy lady, who shows the signs of being well educated.
Recently she became a permanent employee with the company.
It has always been a nice reprieve to visit with her in passing. I have never told her my feelings, although I know she is unmarried.
I have come to feel stronger about her as the time passes.
I had no problems with this women until yesterday......
I was in the office, with a co-worker while she discussed her weekend plans. It was during this time that she mentioned she would be attending a local event with her "boyfriend."
After hearing this conversation; I became very depressed..........
I say this while stating that I had no plans of asking her out at this time....It simply breaks my heart to know that this lovely women whom brightens the day for me, is taken by someone else....
I will admit to having shed some tears over this yesterday. This was simply the straw that broke the camels back; after a long and stressful week...
I still live with my parents. I confided my feelings to my mother, who while sympathetic was entirely unhelpful.....
I requested the services of a psychiatrist, not because I believe I have any sort of mental problem, but I feel that I simply must talk to someone and get this off my chest!
She refused to allow me to see a regular therapist. Instead she insists I see some church related counselor.
While I am devout in my faith, I simply want an unbiased perspective and someone to talk to about my problems. I do not want a sermon!
She does not seem to understand, and seems to have little empathy for what I am really going through!
Complaining isn't going to get you anywhere. Neither is crushing on a woman that you haven't even been on a date with.
You either get your butt out there and get to talking to the ladies or lock yourself in your room with nothing else to keep you company other then your sorrow.....your left/right hand....and your porn.
I don't feel sorry for you buddy.
Man up....get off your ARSE......and get out there and get what is rightfully yours. You deserve it dude.
If you have confidence issues....find a program online and get to learning. plenty of them out there.
Ladies....Jobs....Opportunitye....none of these are going to come knocking on your door. You have to make a move and put yourself in position to get what you want.
Last edited by usamathman; 05-17-2014 at 12:51 PM..
I'm not trying to be an ass or anything, but are you a fairly emotional person? Because i don't think an emotionally healthy person would be this upset over hearing that someone you had a crush on, but didn't know she had a BF yet didn't have any intentions of asking her out.
I think an unbiased counselor is definitely recommended, if nothing else just to talk about this incident because there might be some underlying issues that you may need help with.
I'm fairly unique though since I don't really have crushes.
You built quite an idealized fantasy around this woman, even making her a highlight of your day at work. It's not surprising that you are very upset about your fantasy being blown apart.
The thing to do is to treat her like another person you work with. There is no magic way to get over something like this except pure mental discipline. If you can, try to pass by her desk fewer times during the day.
If you find yourself thinking about her, force yourself to think about something else. And focus on your job.
Also, don't write off the church-based counselor. Assuming it's a legitimate church, it doesn't mean you will get a sermon. You can get help. It's a shame your mom blew you off. How old are you?
And ignore the other posters who insult you with "man up" comments. They're just projecting their own insecurities onto you.
You'll just have to move on. I know how you feel. During my school life I had 7-8 crushes, all of whom were not interested. They had girls, or just thought I was weird, and/or ugly.
It is upsetting. But there's nothing you can do except move on. Now how you do that depends on you.
I have no guys in my life now. The only one is an infatuation that I watch the show he's in, and read the series he's in.
Will I ever get him? No.
Do I love him? No. I am infatuated. But that ain't love. It wears off eventually. I have felt this for over 18 other guys. it wears off. I don't care for any of them now.
But I do have an attraction for him, and I enjoy seeing him and chatting with the other fan girls that like him.
However, I also enjoy other things. I recently got my mother into anime, and she and I watch and laugh. I like horror films, kids' shows. I like working on art projects, and it's really nice for cheering me up sometimes.
And I am slowly getting my life in order. I *****-footed around. So now I am behind. But still not dead yet, so I have time to work in small steps and go up. That's what you'll have to do.
If your confidence is low, change yourself.
Do you hate you hair? Fix it a way you like it.
Do you think you're too fat, or skinny? Exercise and get the body you want
Do you hate your clothes? Go shopping
Now there's no guarantee that you'll find a woman. Some people don't find anyone. But it's worth a shot. It may just take some time to build up your confidence. Even if you have none, pretend, at least. Confidence is what most people want. I know, as I have been shy alot of my life, and always wanted guys I was attracted to to ask me out. But they never did. So, being shy doesn't get you anything. The type of guys I like like the sexified, charismatic women. So, if I want that, I am going to have to work myself to get it.
You just have to work harder. Some people do, and others just have it easy.
You are just hitting depression now. It happens when you don't have a life. I did that. I had a crush on a celeb once, and I watched his movies, and joined the site for him. Then when something happened, my fantasy was crashed along with my likeness for him. But since I built so much time around him, I had nothing else when that was gone. Nothing left except to cry and sleep. But I had to get a life and find things to enjoy, and I did.
Sometimes when you have an infatuation/obsession and it's snatched away, you feel horrible because it was the bulk of what you had.
Crushes are what you get when you don't really know a person, you have an idealized vision of this woman..... that if you dated her, you might not even end up liking her.
You should talk to a counselor, it's good to get things off your chest and keep them in perspective.
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