Any married women ever had an affair ?? (clothes, narcissistic, attraction)
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I totally agree with what you posted. Most women having an affair in a relatively long term marriage have mentally 'checked out' and are hoping the affair will take them out of the marriage. Men are SO not like that.
Men, be ready for a divorce if you find your wife having an affair. I know there are some loopy women out there who have no moral compass and have serial adulterous affairs...but this is a small minority. Once your wife starts sleeping with someone else, you have lost her (usually). Then it's on to marriage counseling (which is really divorce counseling) and then she is attached to the new fellow and you really have little consequence to her. Hey, it's a girl thing. I've seen it a hundred times. The moral of this story is that if you are taking your wife for granted, being demeaning, etc. there is a real chance that she will finally have enough of that and meet someone who treats her well. You'd be surprised how often this happens. The men are usually speechless and clueless as they are sleeping in their new, crappy apartment.
You kind of had me going until you got to the juvenile argument highlighted in bold. Then it went careening off into really lame rationalization. What you're saying is if a man cheats, it's his fault. If a woman cheats, it's still his fault.
So, let me turn the tables. If a man work hard, is a good husband and his wife doesn't take care of herself, becomes an alcoholic, doesn't do her share of the housework, devotes her time to her friends and hobbies, and generally doesn't pay enough attention to him, it is completely understandable if he sleeps around. Right?
Just have the basic honesty to admit that both men and women sleep around, and their decision to do so is generally driven by personal selfishness.
You kind of had me going until you got to the juvenile argument highlighted in bold. Then it went careening off into really lame rationalization. What you're saying is if a man cheats, it's his fault. If a woman cheats, it's still his fault.
So, let me turn the tables. If a man work hard, is a good husband and his wife doesn't take care of herself, becomes an alcoholic, doesn't do her share of the housework, devotes her time to her friends and hobbies, and generally doesn't pay enough attention to him, it is completely understandable if he sleeps around. Right?
Just have the basic honesty to admit that both men and women sleep around, and their decision to do so is generally driven by personal selfishness.
Huh? I reread what I wrote and don't understand what you see that I did not intend to convey.
If a man cheats it's his choice/fault.... same goes for a woman. My point is that woman generally (not always, this is a generalization that I've found pretty consistent) have affairs when they feel emotionally detached from their husband. This usually (again a generalization) comes after a good deal of what the woman considers neglect or abuse. They meet someone else and emotionally attach to that person, withdrawing their emotional attachment from the husband. Once this happens, that marriage is over for the woman. All the counselling, cajolling, begging from the husband is for naught at this point as she has emotionally bailed out.
Your depiction of a scuzzball wife and a good husband who gets sick of her behavior is pretty accurate I think. But, men, in addition to emotionally detaching after bad behavior on the wifes part, then having an affair and or leaving also are VERY capable of having sex with other women for the sheer enjoyment of it. Generally a man finds it much easier to be married to a great spouse and have sex with a woman he meets on the train than a woman in the same situation. Not all men. I'm making a broad generalization. That being that women usually have to check out emotionally before going the affair route, and that after making that step they usually leave the marriage.
A lot of men can have one night stands, brief affairs, even long term affairs and still want to stay married. A lot of woman that have an affair usually feel hurt or abused in someway (real or imagined) then have the affair, then leave the marriage because they have attached to someone else.
My point is men and women are VERY different this way. IMHO both are wrong to have an affair when married. I've never understood that behavior, myself. I don't like divorce and think for individuals and our culture it should be avoided if possible. However, if you are going to cheat....get a divorce then go for it. Bad form for either the wife or husband to be scr*wing other people when you are married.
I keep hearing from women, in this thread and other places, that when a woman cheats it's because she was neglected. I was cheated on, it hurt a lot, and after much thought and soul searching I'm still learning - that when someone cheats it shows something wrong with the cheater, not with their partner.
Women are so quick to justify female cheating as a coping mechanism... they weren't feeling loved... their husband didn't make them feel valued, etc
Men show love, and need to be showed love, differently than women do. Never once have I seen, from a man or a woman, anyone show the male side of the coin that when men cheat they could be seeking love as well.
Yet when women cheat, it's always painted as the guy's fault. He just wasn't good enough.
Well, I am good enough.
A lie is a lie is a lie. If you tell your partner you will be faithful only to them, then that changes without you ever telling them, they are living faithful to you - living in a lie that only you know the truth about - it is an incredible violation of the other person
If a woman isn't happy in her relationship, many times that is equally her fault as her husbands. She should either fix the problem, end it, or be honest with her partner that she needs to go outside the marriage to get what she needs. Don't blame the children. In the end the divorce happens anyways, the children adjust and life goes on. End it before being unfaithful
I agree with you totally!! I mean I have never cheated on any man i have ever dated. But I have been cheated on before. It does hurt. But I have always thought of it as I dont want you to cheat on me, so why would i put you through that? I would never cheat on anyone. I know how it feels and it sucks. i wouldn't want to put someone else through that also.
Just my ....02 cents.
Huh? I reread what I wrote and don't understand what you see that I did not intend to convey.
I saw the same thing cpg did
"I've seen it a hundred times. The moral of this story is that if you are taking your wife for granted, being demeaning, etc. there is a real chance that she will finally have enough of that and meet someone who treats her well."
I see. "The moral" for us men, is that a woman cheated because we were taking her for granted, being demeaning, etc. And now she's met someone else who magically treated her better. It couldn't possibly be that she played her own part in the deterioration of the relationship.... or that this new guy, the fantasy lover that he treats her better, is just a cop out so she can justify her actions.
There is no "moral" for us men in a story about a woman cheating on us. If the relationship went down hill, chances are very good that the woman played an equal part in that as the man did.
I do agree that a man should employ vision in a relationship, continually question it and seek to keep it fresh and lively, but I also think the woman has an equal responsability to do so. Unless you want a man to lead you, in which case you should follow him. If you want equality, you have to be equally yoked, you can't blame it all on him if things dry out.
Just wondered as we always read about married men having affairs
I am a married woman and I am having an affair. It is not because my husband ignores me or abuses me - or anything actually. He is a very good man and I love him alot. In this scenario, I am completely to blame. If he found out - it would hurt him more than I want to realise. but I still won't end the affair I am in.....I met a married man and it happened - we have been meeting each other for 7 months now.
Sad to say I feel this has actually made my marriage better, I don't compare the men in any regard as they are soo different. I like the variety of what I have with my liaison but in turn I would never be able to walk away from my husband for this man or any other.
I know what I am doing morally is wrong but the attraction is strong and I want to do it. I have decided though that when this liaison ends, I will never do it again.
I am a married woman and I am having an affair. It is not because my husband ignores me or abuses me - or anything actually. He is a very good man and I love him alot. In this scenario, I am completely to blame. If he found out - it would hurt him more than I want to realise. but I still won't end the affair I am in.....I met a married man and it happened - we have been meeting each other for 7 months now.
Sad to say I feel this has actually made my marriage better, I don't compare the men in any regard as they are soo different. I like the variety of what I have with my liaison but in turn I would never be able to walk away from my husband for this man or any other.
I know what I am doing morally is wrong but the attraction is strong and I want to do it. I have decided though that when this liaison ends, I will never do it again.
Wow, you must really feel guilty about it, if you have the need to come out and spill your guts out to perfect strangers.
Never had an affair, but I can understand why some people do. Marriage is tough and you have to work at it daily but in the end, I think the result of being with someone forever is worth it.
I am a married woman and I am having an affair. It is not because my husband ignores me or abuses me - or anything actually. He is a very good man and I love him alot. In this scenario, I am completely to blame. If he found out - it would hurt him more than I want to realise. but I still won't end the affair I am in.....I met a married man and it happened - we have been meeting each other for 7 months now.
Sad to say I feel this has actually made my marriage better, I don't compare the men in any regard as they are soo different. I like the variety of what I have with my liaison but in turn I would never be able to walk away from my husband for this man or any other.
I know what I am doing morally is wrong but the attraction is strong and I want to do it. I have decided though that when this liaison ends, I will never do it again.
I feel really bad for your husband
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