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Gosh this sounds ridiculous already but I've been dating this guy for about a month. He told me on our first date (we are both grad students that graduated earlier this month) that he had a job lined up that would take him on 3 separate rotations of 8 months each, and he didn't know where he'd get placed. I know... doesn't start off great already. But we couldn't stay away from each other. It could have been one of those things where we hang out a few times and go our separate ways, but we both fell pretty hard for the other. He was my first kiss, and the first guy I've ever fallen madly for. What's funny is, he's not my normal type, but he is the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever met and has treated me like I feel like I've always deserved to be treated. I've never felt more loved in my whole life than in the past month (and I felt the same way about him).
We should have had this conversation a while ago, but I think things were going so well we didn't want to ruin anything. Anyway, he doesn't want a long distance relationship - even though his rotation for the first 8 months is only a 2.5 hour drive away. I've fought for it, but he said it's the type of relationship he doesn't want, and that the second two rotations will be much harder even if we do hypothetically make it through the first. That it might have been different if we'd been dating a year or two, but not for a month.
All along, we talked like we'd be together forever. He wanted me to pick out a cologne I liked, because "I was the only one who mattered." I was pretty hesitant on getting physical but he said "even if it takes 5 years, it won't change how I feel about you." No, he was not saying it as a player or that sort of person - it was with a genuine heart. If he doesn't hear from me in a few hours, he'll text me to see what's up. I never for a single second doubted the way he felt.
Which is what makes this so hard. Yes, he'll still be in my life albeit in a different capacity, and not close to how we have been. I told him, I'd do it all over again and he said the same. I guess now it's a matter of slowly healing... again. It kills me to think of him with someone else. Obviously we will still stay friends and I may still visit him now and then as friends but this, how we know it, is over or will be soon. I just hurt so badly right now.
Not trying to freak you out, but it's really relevant to any encouragement I would give.
Well, it looks like you have jumped into this romance with this guy with both feet. Am I correct?
No problem, I take it as a compliment Yes, you'd be correct... I was actually the elusive one in the beginning, and I'm slower to show my feelings... so he was the more verbal one this whole time... so when the prospect of it ending before I thought it would came up, it kind of threw me for a loop and made me realize how much I really do like him.
Thankfully you only dated this guy for a month. It hurts now but it will pass. What you felt for him was more akin to infatuation, and it hurts to cut off a budding relationship so quickly. But in a way he is doing you a favor. He doesn't want to do the LDR and it's better to end it now than try to stay together when he is not as invested because he's doing something he doesn't want to do. Now you can continue to see him in a positive light instead of resenting him.
You've experienced a whole lot in a short time. That makes it seems much more intense and will make it harder to live without for a while.
It's great that you have had this time with him. He is right, though. You do not need to start an LDR this early. It is hard to see it now since you are so sad, but it will help you if you understand that not every romance is THE great love.
Sometimes we are lucky to experience a few of these with people, and it is something that you can hold in your heart as a really great memory ... nothing more.
You don't know what the future holds, and IMHO you shouldn't try to force it by planning two years all at once. Let him go, and be thankful for this experience. You have a little more insight now into all those poems, novels, songs and movies that bemoan the pleasure and pain of love.
What I find absolutely wonderful about your post is that here is a youngish girl (about 25) who is captivated by all the nice things this caring guy does for you that other guys in here say are sure-fire guarantees to chase the girls away (being nice, being kind, being considerate) Some guys say that if they call a girl every 3 hours to make sure she's okay it's grounds for her to take out a restraining order on him.
Your lovely story tells me that it's not necessarily looks, and it's definitely not habits. What the secret to a successful relation is is......(drumroll)
CHEMISTRY!
when something magical just clicks between a guy and a girl and everything falls into place so naturally.
Then outside forces (disapproving parents, job situations, LDR's, religion, etc.) conspire to destroy the relationship.
I truly hope it works out for you guys. You're lovely. He sounds lovely and it sounds like the two of you were made for each other. I hope you get married and have 10 kids.
Why don't you offer to follow him wherever he is sent. See what his reaction is.
What I find absolutely wonderful about your post is that here is a youngish girl (about 25) who is captivated by all the nice things this caring guy does for you that other guys in here say are sure-fire guarantees to chase the girls away (being nice, being kind, being considerate) Some guys say that if they call a girl every 3 hours to make sure she's okay it's grounds for her to take out a restraining order on him.
Your lovely story tells me that it's not necessarily looks, and it's definitely not habits. What the secret to a successful relation is is......(drumroll)
CHEMISTRY!
when something magical just clicks between a guy and a girl and everything falls into place so naturally.
Then outside forces (disapproving parents, job situations, LDR's, religion, etc.) conspire to destroy the relationship.
I truly hope it works out for you guys. You're lovely. He sounds lovely and it sounds like the two of you were made for each other. I hope you get married and have 10 kids. Please name one of them after me. Call him Thrill for short.
Thank you, thrillobyte. Your post was lovely - definitely a tear jerker. No, it's not about looks, even though I adore the laugh lines around his eyes and he tells me I'm beautiful all the time. It's about caring for the other person, in the little ways that count.
Why don't you offer to follow him wherever he is sent. See what his reaction is.
I did. He said it would be amazing, but he wouldn't want me to change what I want to do for him. And that it wouldn't really be a "solution." Though, I told him what I want to do is be with him... I could tell it made him think.
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