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That's the truth, a lot of women do settle with something they really aren't happy with because they think that's all there is or that's all they deserve...getting out of that thinking is hard when you honestly believe it, and conditioning seems to support it.
Wow, I'm embarrassed jaypee, I guess I forgot about some of those other moments when I was lacking in confidence and let it show.
I think I have a really good idea where to start with some serious work. Thanks for the reminder.
Believe men, commitment-minded women younger than you have it even worse.
I doubt this has anything to do with how you look, or anything else about you. There is this notion out there that most men would happily commit to monogamous, LTRs if they could just find the right women. In my opinion, that notion is 100% false.
What you need to understand is that for most men, a committed, LTR is not the best of all possible worlds. For most men, FWB is the best of all possible worlds. In a FWB, a man gets all the benefits of a committed, LTR, but none of the responsibility. FWB is the ultimate win/win situation for men. Committed, LTR are just something men sometimes have to settle for because they have limited options.
Note: YES, I KNOW THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS!!!! Some men genuinely desire committed, LTR. I am speaking generally, not categorically.
You know, I think you are speaking the truth...everything seems to point to these facts.
I guess it will take a lot of effort on my part to find someone who doesn't just think in terms of immediate self gratification...maybe almost impossible.
Wow, I'm embarrassed jaypee, I guess I forgot about some of those other moments when I was lacking in confidence and let it show.
I think I have a really good idea where to start with some serious work. Thanks for the reminder.
Nothing to be embarrassed about ... I've been there as well. I think most people go through such bouts whether they'll admit to it or not. I think of it as a seriously bad habit and had to be constantly conscious of what I do, say, think. It's not the end of the world.
I have not encountered all these middle aged men who are even willing to consider a fwb. Where I am, they all seem to want to get married.
I will say, if you are doing online dating, don't go out with the guys who message you first (in most cases). IME, they are the bottom of the barrel. Message the guys you like.
I think in our age group the good ones are harder to find, and this goes for both genders. It seems to be the age group where most are married, or recently divorced and wanting to enjoy that freedom. There is nothing wrong with that, but it makes things harder.
You seem to be the necessary things to work on yourself, and I think that's more than half the battle. Make sure you have a full and happy life before starting to date, keep up with friends and develop hobbies. I think the happier you are when you go into dating, the better your picker will work. Don't date to get happy, I think that causes people to try and make who they are dating "fit", and you're willing to overlook more which leads to let downs later.
I wish you luck, you seem like a very good person.
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I think in our age group the good ones are harder to find, and this goes for both genders. It seems to be the age group where most are married, or recently divorced and wanting to enjoy that freedom. There is nothing wrong with that, but it makes things harder.
You seem to be the necessary things to work on yourself, and I think that's more than half the battle. Make sure you have a full and happy life before starting to date, keep up with friends and develop hobbies. I think the happier you are when you go into dating, the better your picker will work. Don't date to get happy, I think that causes people to try and make who they are dating "fit", and you're willing to overlook more which leads to let downs later.
I wish you luck, you seem like a very good person.
I'm going to be 45 in September. I have dated 4 guys since my divorce from my kids' dad over 7 years ago. Most of those didn't last long because, to put it mildly, my picker is broken. And I have picked the wrong sorts. They have been for the most part broken people themselves. And ultimately unable or unwilling to be the kind of partner that I would like, and that 'we' need.
You know, just the basic stuff, trustworthy, kind, dependable and not completely and totally f n mental.
I'm glad I didn't stay with any of them, and proud of myself for being selective and waiting to find the right thing.
I have been working very hard on getting my pieces back together. On making myself a stronger person. A happier person. A recovered person.
But, here is my problem. I want to date, but I have issues with the fact that so many guys my age or older who are single seem to be stuck in an adolescent mindset. Like they want an fwb but no commitment, and no responsibility.
The older I get the more I think it has something to do with ummm, the way I look. I'd like to think that my general aura of awesomeness would override the fact that things aren't what they used to be...but, that doesn't seem to be the case.
Guys are visual, guys will give themselves whiplash when someone my age walks in who is obviously has the time and money to get a tan, and the plastic surgery or by Gods' grace haven't had gravity and time take their toll on their bodies like the rest of us.
Anyway, I think I might be getting to sound like those whiny types...help me out here...what can I do?
You seem like a really cool spunky lady with a whole lot of heart! Don't let the desires of these men get you down.
Let them treat themselves to Levitra and Viagras while you treat yourself to nice peddy massages and beautiful vacas. Take very good care of yourself!
Your heart's too big for someone who's more focused on their wiener.
I think in our age group the good ones are harder to find, and this goes for both genders. It seems to be the age group where most are married, or recently divorced and wanting to enjoy that freedom. There is nothing wrong with that, but it makes things harder.
You seem to be the necessary things to work on yourself, and I think that's more than half the battle. Make sure you have a full and happy life before starting to date, keep up with friends and develop hobbies. I think the happier you are when you go into dating, the better your picker will work. Don't date to get happy, I think that causes people to try and make who they are dating "fit", and you're willing to overlook more which leads to let downs later.
I wish you luck, you seem like a very good person.
"I think in our age group the good ones are harder to find, and this goes for both genders."
Touche'.
"I think that causes people to try and make who they are dating "fit""
I see this all over. You see the deficiencies in your friends choice of gf or bf, and you think "What the hell got into their mind?"
Mod cut: Orphaned (referenced post has been deleted).
I'm okay with being single, I really have been. I may continue to be, and I think I would be okay with that too... the last thing I want to do is come off as desperate and willing to put up with anyone or anything for the sake of having a partner.
I'm attempting to join a couple of meet-up groups in my area...just for fun, and for expanding my experiences. Not the single ones though...just the ones that I genuinely find interesting.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-30-2014 at 08:53 AM..
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