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You seem like a really cool spunky lady with a whole lot of heart! Don't let the desires of these men get you down.
Let them treat themselves to Levitra and Viagras while you treat yourself to nice peddy massages and beautiful vacas. Take very good care of yourself!
Your heart's too big for someone who's more focused on their wiener.
Kat, that was actually really positive...and funny...I agree. A lot of men are pretty focused on that it seems.
And I will do more to just take care of myself.
I think I'm going to focus on doing the things that I find interesting and that I enjoy. If I happen to meet someone going in the same direction, that would be cool. But, I don't have any time to waste on the jokers.
Unfortunately there is no good solution. The modern world offers many conveniences and privileges. A speedy route to a rewarding relationship is not among them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
There is this notion out there that most men would happily commit to monogamous, LTRs if they could just find the right women. In my opinion, that notion is 100% false.
What you need to understand is that for most men, a committed, LTR is not the best of all possible worlds. For most men, FWB is the best of all possible worlds. In a FWB, a man gets all the benefits of a committed, LTR, but none of the responsibility. FWB is the ultimate win/win situation for men. Committed, LTR are just something men sometimes have to settle for because they have limited options.
My admittedly limited sampling suggests that above age 40, the situation is precisely the reverse. Men pine for marriage or remarriage, while women are blissfully single, availing themselves of male attention only for specific occasions and specific purposes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
The good [older] ones are already married. It's tough luck.
Unfortunately this is true, just as it's true generally true that the good employees are already employed, and the good houses are already sold.
Quote:
Originally Posted by foclampt
a lot of women do settle with something they really aren't happy with because they think that's all there is or that's all they deserve...
Perhaps. But NOT settling also carries an opportunity-cost. How can we judge which is the worse option?
I'm going to be 45 in September. I have dated 4 guys since my divorce from my kids' dad over 7 years ago. Most of those didn't last long because, to put it mildly, my picker is broken. And I have picked the wrong sorts. They have been for the most part broken people themselves. And ultimately unable or unwilling to be the kind of partner that I would like, and that 'we' need.
You know, just the basic stuff, trustworthy, kind, dependable and not completely and totally f n mental.
I'm glad I didn't stay with any of them, and proud of myself for being selective and waiting to find the right thing.
I have been working very hard on getting my pieces back together. On making myself a stronger person. A happier person. A recovered person.
But, here is my problem. I want to date, but I have issues with the fact that so many guys my age or older who are single seem to be stuck in an adolescent mindset. Like they want an fwb but no commitment, and no responsibility.
The older I get the more I think it has something to do with ummm, the way I look. I'd like to think that my general aura of awesomeness would override the fact that things aren't what they used to be...but, that doesn't seem to be the case.
Guys are visual, guys will give themselves whiplash when someone my age walks in who is obviously has the time and money to get a tan, and the plastic surgery or by Gods' grace haven't had gravity and time take their toll on their bodies like the rest of us.
Anyway, I think I might be getting to sound like those whiny types...help me out here...what can I do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Time2Improve
For starters, it sounds like your confidence is low... Which is understandable. When you're confident, you attract confident people, more than likely mature people. I think you should focus on you for a while. Establish a workout routine, dress nice, find activities you love.. you'll notice you become sexier with less effort and men will take notice.
good advice. if you are not confident in yourself, then why should the guys be confident in you? instead of just looking for a guy to date, go out with your girlfriends. let them help you get over your divorce, because it sounds like you are still stuck in the past. let the past go completely, and look forward starting today. i know it wont be easy, but you can do it. once you have let go of the past, then you can get out and start looking for guys, and the ones that you will start to pick will be much better than the ones you are picking now.
Unfortunately there is no good solution. The modern world offers many conveniences and privileges. A speedy route to a rewarding relationship is not among them.
My admittedly limited sampling suggests that above age 40, the situation is precisely the reverse. Men pine for marriage or remarriage, while women are blissfully single, availing themselves of male attention only for specific occasions and specific purposes.
Unfortunately this is true, just as it's true generally true that the good employees are already employed, and the good houses are already sold.
Perhaps. But NOT settling also carries an opportunity-cost. How can we judge which is the worse option?
[Snip.]
As always Ohio, your thoughts on this are pretty precise, you've never vacilated in your opinion of what you think of single mothers who discuss being single and wanting to date. As always you seem to be of the opinion that they deserve their lot and should leave the dating to the more desireable singles.
As much as I am tempted to give you a peice of my mind, I really can't spare any, so, I guess I'll just take it with a grain of sand since I decided to post my private and personal problems out there for the whole world to comment on and judge.
It does hurt my feelings a little to think that everything about me could be estimated as nothing just because I have kids and certain things outside of my control contributed to me being a single mom ,But then again, when I think about it, why would I care what someone like that thinks. How superficial and cold.
good advice. if you are not confident in yourself, then why should the guys be confident in you? instead of just looking for a guy to date, go out with your girlfriends. let them help you get over your divorce, because it sounds like you are still stuck in the past. let the past go completely, and look forward starting today. i know it wont be easy, but you can do it. once you have let go of the past, then you can get out and start looking for guys, and the ones that you will start to pick will be much better than the ones you are picking now.
Yes, that is absolutely the truth isn't it? "Be careful of wishing for your soul-mate if your own soul is hidden from you." I read somewhere...uh, that relates because you are talking about attracting like. Right?
I don't want to forget about the past because there are some valuable lessons in it. And being a little hurt helps me remember, I don't think I'll ever be carefree again. But, thats adulthood for you.
At least mine anyway.
Yes, that is absolutely the truth isn't it? "Be careful of wishing for your soul-mate if your own soul is hidden from you." I read somewhere...uh, that relates because you are talking about attracting like. Right?
I don't want to forget about the past because there are some valuable lessons in it. And being a little hurt helps me remember, I don't think I'll ever be carefree again. But, thats adulthood for you.
At least mine anyway.
basically yes. you are still licking your wounds from the divorce, and as such your outlook is colored by that. and true, never forget the past as there are good lessons to learn from it, and it helps give you the ability to avoid mistakes in the future. as for not being carefree again, that is also true, but you can be close to carefree again though, given time.
As always Ohio, your thoughts on this are pretty precise, you've never vacilated in your opinion of what you think of single mothers who discuss being single and wanting to date. As always you seem to be of the opinion that they deserve their lot and should leave the dating to the more desireable singles.
As much as I am tempted to give you a peice of my mind, I really can't spare any, so, I guess I'll just take it with a grain of sand since I decided to post my private and personal problems out there for the whole world to comment on and judge.
It does hurt my feelings a little to think that everything about me could be estimated as nothing just because I have kids and certain things outside of my control contributed to me being a single mom ,But then again, when I think about it, why would I care what someone like that thinks. How superficial and cold.
As for the last comment, pff. I never claimed to be perfect, the marriage had its share of good and bad moments. But, what really put the nail in the coffin was an action that was irrefutably WRONG. A decision made by one of the partners that was a deal breaker.
My kids deserve to be brought up in a home that is safe, they deserve to make it to adulthood without being harmed.
That was my decision to make for them. And I will stand by it. If that means I have to be single, thats a small price to pay.
In re-reading this I really took what you said personally, and you may not have meant it that way.
However, I think you DO need to take into consideration what I've said, and perhaps it may smooth out the rough edges a little...hmmm, maybe not.
You are a class act and quite a lady
I am reminded of this fabulous article by the journalist Frank Kaiser in praise of women over 40...
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