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Hmmm, I didn't read everything, did he also start banging on her door or something?
And were they exclusive? Because if not, especially knowing that the OP is up for sex without commitment, why would it be irrational for this guy to think she might be hooking up with someone else? She made no promise not to. She didn't even imply that he shouldn't worry about it. I'm not saying she should have, mind you, just that his thinking she might be doing this isn't what's irrational - just his behavior.
Yes...
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklyn1234
Alright, so advice time needed!
He's been texting me all day and I was trying to politely reiterate that I was no longer interested in seeing him. Then it stopped. Then he showed up at my apartment building very drunk. I spoke to him for a few minutes, told him to leave and to stop contacting me. Defriended him on facebook. Immediately started getting huge paragraph texts from him that no matter what I say he knows "I'm his" because he "looked into my eyes and saw it." Then he said "and i feel like this situation, however bad, is not as bad as it could get.".. I took that to be a threat. I sent him one more text to stop contacting me and his reply was "sue me." At what point do I take this to the police? This is the first I've had to deal with this sort of crazy.
Hmmm, I didn't read everything, did he also start banging on her door or something?
And were they exclusive? Because if not, especially knowing that the OP is up for sex without commitment, why would it be irrational for this guy to think she might be hooking up with someone else? She made no promise not to. She didn't even imply that he shouldn't worry about it. I'm not saying she should have, mind you, just that his thinking she might be doing this isn't what's irrational - just his behavior.
Actually yes, we were exclusive you could say. We established on our first date that neither of us are the type of person who dates multiple people at the same time, even as a relationship is just starting out. So actually you're incorrect- there was an implied exclusivity.
But even if there wasn't his actions were still inappropriate. If he was worried that I was seeing other people he could ask me if I was seeing other people. That would be appropriate. Telling me he went home and then parking in front of the bar so that he could keep an eye what I was doing? Not appropriate.
Yikes, glad you found out about his crazy ways and ran. Can't believe he stalked you! This is why I carry a pepper spray around... this world is full of nutjobs.
Actually yes, we were exclusive you could say. We established on our first date that neither of us are the type of person who dates multiple people at the same time, even as a relationship is just starting out. So actually you're incorrect- there was an implied exclusivity.
But even if there wasn't his actions were still inappropriate. If he was worried that I was seeing other people he could ask me if I was seeing other people. That would be appropriate. Telling me he went home and then parking in front of the bar so that he could keep an eye what I was doing? Not appropriate.
Not defending his behavior. As I said, that wasn't justified at all (and all I remembered at the point of typing that was his sitting in his car watching the bar). And not to split hairs, but did you use the word "date" when you talked about the exclusivity of your relationship? Because again, not everyone views sex as "dating" and might justify it by saying "Well I'm not dating to be in a relationship with someone, I'm just having sex to clear my head". That's not to imply you're that way, just that he might've thought you might be. And to reiterate, none of this excuses his behavior. Frankly, it wouldn't excuse his behavior if you were a total (insert expletive here)! But it might explain what would drive someone with now obvious insecurities to thinking these thoughts.
Your story reminds me a little of a guy I met and had exactly one date with during my junior year in college (ummm a really long time ago). Cell phones did not exist. Neither did answering machines, for that matter. But I digress...
Met him at a social thing. He asked for my number. It took a few weeks for our schedules to line up & he made me dinner @ his apt, we hung out. No kissing, no sex. Took me back home. Gave me this deep look as he dropped me off at my door (maybe a peck on the lips then, I can't remember now). Anyway... fast forward several days. It's spring break. I stayed at my apt in my college town and was sleeping in since I didn't have classes that week.
Phone rings. It's him. He has a distinctive low voice. He asked me if I was alone. "Yes." then, "I need to tell you something..." Me: "Okay..."
Then it sounded like he was either laughing or crying, I could not tell which at that moment.
THEN he told me he "felt so guilty. So, so guilty." Why?
Because he had been having erotic dreams about me since our date and is in love with me AND he also tried to commit suicide the night before. I swear that's what he told me. Then more of those crying sounds. "I feel so guilty, I feel so guilty..." I told him if that was a joke I did not find it funny at all. He said he wasn't joking. I don't know, maybe he was...
I could.not.get.off.the.phone.fast.enough! I was so freaked out. I had no skills to deal with that. I was 19 but a very young 19.
He tried to call a few more times over the next day but I unplugged the phone. Remember, no answering machines, no voicemail, no such thing as PCs and email and texting. Didn't see him again and fortunately he did not show up at my apt.
AND... like a year later I saw him at some party I attended and he didn't even recognize me! I said nothing but OMG what a whack-a-doo.
Phone rings. It's him. He has a distinctive low voice. He asked me if I was alone. "Yes." then, "I need to tell you something..." Me: "Okay..."
Then it sounded like he was either laughing or crying, I could not tell which at that moment.
THEN he told me he "felt so guilty. So, so guilty." Why?
Because he had been having erotic dreams about me since our date and is in love with me AND he also tried to commit suicide the night before. I swear that's what he told me. Then more of those crying sounds. "I feel so guilty, I feel so guilty..." I told him if that was a joke I did not find it funny at all. He said he wasn't joking. I don't know, maybe he was...
Assess what YOU want from the relationship and be cautious that you might actually get it!
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