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Tread carefully but don't make it a deal breaker..just prepare to mace him, just in case..
LOL you must not have read:
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Originally Posted by brooklyn1234
Yeah, this wasn't intended to be a 'why did I sleep with him so fast' discussion. But whatever.
For anyone who is interested, his crazy came out full force last night. A very good friend had a BBQ and I brought him along. BBQ ended around 9, but I was planning on staying and hanging with my friend (as in alone, girls night). He was being clingy and wanted to stay too, but I basically told him we needed girl time and got him to go home. As he was saying goodbye he made a comment to me along the lines of he 'would be mad if he found out i got him to leave so that i could go out without him.' Creeped me out. Friend lives a few blocks from a bar that we like to go to- he knew this, because he and I had dinner at a restaurant across the street last week and I pointed it out to him that I liked the place. Anyway, after he left, she and I sat and drank some beer/talked/etc for about an hour and a half, and then decided we wanted to go out for a little bit. Walked to the bar a few blocks away, and of course what do I see? His car parked directly across the street with him sitting in it watching the bar. I immediately went up and knocked on the window of his car, confronted him, ended things. He told me THREE separate stories about what he was doing there. Three. Each time I called him out on lying it changed. And now 20-ish hours later am still getting GIANT paragraph text messages trying to 'explain' himself. Noooo thanks.
I'm glad that I'm street smart enough to be aware of my surroundings. Don't want to think about what he was planning to do if I hadn't seen him and he had seen us go into the bar.
or:
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Originally Posted by brooklyn1234
Alright, so advice time needed!
He's been texting me all day and I was trying to politely reiterate that I was no longer interested in seeing him. Then it stopped. Then he showed up at my apartment building very drunk. I spoke to him for a few minutes, told him to leave and to stop contacting me. Defriended him on facebook. Immediately started getting huge paragraph texts from him that no matter what I say he knows "I'm his" because he "looked into my eyes and saw it." Then he said "and i feel like this situation, however bad, is not as bad as it could get.".. I took that to be a threat. I sent him one more text to stop contacting me and his reply was "sue me." At what point do I take this to the police? This is the first I've had to deal with this sort of crazy.
I didn't even mention whether it was/should be considered "acceptable". I suggested it wasn't smart, and told you why.
Semantics - fact is, you don't approve. Whether it's because you think it's unacceptable or not smart, you don't approve.
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And if she ended up pregnant by him? Fate has been crueler...
Highly unlikely given that she seems like a very intelligent woman who knows how to take steps to prevent that with 99.9% surety. But of course you pick at that 0.1% and use such unreasonable doubt to attempt to prove why you don't approve of sex after one week. It's sad that in this day and age a woman who is so clearly intelligent still gets labelled "not smart" just because she has sex while not in a serious relationship.
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Even I said this was a "Proceed with Caution" sign at very least, which means you don't go getting emotionally attached until you find out more. So either way, she would've been just fine.
And what if there were no more signs until she was emotionally invested? Some of these crazy people are very good at hiding the crazy until they know their partner is too emotionally invested to easily get out. Hopefully, the OP is "just fine" - so far, she is, but we have no idea how far he's going to take this. Regardless, if you notice, I also clarified a while ago that I never said "run" from the premature I Love You - I did say "red flag" but you seem to think "red flag" means "end it" but it just means "warning sign, proceed with caution". However, it's no surprise to me that the premature I Love You turned into crazy stalker dude.
I'm always afraid of that happening where a guy seems great, but then turns out to be nuts and knows where I live. I think 99% of the time saying I love you after a week is bad news. For normal people, even if you were blown away by someone and thought you loved them after a week, they have enough filter to know it isn't a good idea to say so that quickly.
Absolutely. I was just pointing out that I personally did not subscribe to the view you're pushing, that most premature "I love you"s are a sign of mental instability. It's only an opinion; yet you present it as fact.
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Originally Posted by PA2UK
Semantics - fact is, you don't approve. Whether it's because you think it's unacceptable or not smart, you don't approve.
That's not semantics! There is a very clear difference between not approving for subjective reasons and for practical ones.
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Originally Posted by PA2UK
Highly unlikely given that she seems like a very intelligent woman who knows how to take steps to prevent that with 99.9% surety. But of course you pick at that 0.1% and use such unreasonable doubt to attempt to prove why you don't approve of sex after one week. It's sad that in this day and age a woman who is so clearly intelligent still gets labelled "not smart" just because she has sex while not in a serious relationship.
I didn't suggest she wasn't smart, just having sex with someone without even knowing if they might be emotionally unstable and/or stalk you afterward. Smart people do dumb things all the time! And yes, that "0.1%" is still worth a mention.
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Originally Posted by PA2UK
And what if there were no more signs until she was emotionally invested? Some of these crazy people are very good at hiding the crazy until they know their partner is too emotionally invested to easily get out.
This, seems contradictory to what follows...
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Originally Posted by PA2UK
Regardless, if you notice, I also clarified a while ago that I never said "run" from the premature I Love You - I did say "red flag" but you seem to think "red flag" means "end it" but it just means "warning sign, proceed with caution". However, it's no surprise to me that the premature I Love You turned into crazy stalker dude.
So which is it? In your opinion, should she have ended it or risked getting emotionally invested in a crazy stalker? At this point, your argument closely resembles mine, yet we are arguing over... what?
And lastly, aren't you the one who just finished telling me the OP is obviously intelligent? Then why do I seem to have more faith in her long-term ability to distinguish between "crazy" and "keeper" than you?
Why? Why should she risk losing a great guy (who, yes, may just be the guy for her) all because he jumped the gun on three little words? It could just be that he doesn't know how to take it slow but can learn. There are a lot of great people out there who are awkward in the dating phase but awesome in practically every other way. I think this paranoia does no good. Work with people you think you might want to keep in your life, only throw away those you have solid reason to throw away.
Everyone has flaws. This is hardly the worst one out there.
Why? Because as it turned out he is a nut job and the "worst one out there" and it's not paranoia, it's called trusting your instincts.
@brooklyn1234 I hope everything is okay, please let us know.
Last Friday I met this guy at a bar. We saw each other across the room, had an instant connection. Talked awhile, danced, kissed, and then I left with some friends. I gave him my name and number. That night he texted me that he really liked talking to me and would love to take me out on Sunday if I was free. I said ok. The next morning he found me on facebook- we had a short/fun conversation on there, confirmed our date for Sunday. We ended up seeing eachother Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this week- I know, a lot. We get along great, have a ton in common, share common life goals, are attracted to each other, have fun, etc. It almost seemed too perfect honestly.
Anyway, last night involved a sleepover and we did sleep together. This morning I was at the door saying goodbye to him. He's going out of town for two nights. He told me he would miss me (I smiled. It was cute). Then he told me he loved me, kissed me and left. WHAT? That totally freaked me out, but I called my best friend and she convinced me to talk to him about it when he gets back rather than dismissing it as crazy/weird. THEN he sent me a text about an hour ago telling me that he arrived safely and that he loves me again. DOUBLE WHAT. I didn't respond yet.
And for background- he's a little younger than me (mid 20s), is in law school, seems really well adjusted, clean cut, nice guy. I have never had this happen before and it's totally freaking me out. Is this as weird as it seems to me? I definitely am very interested in him and was enjoying what we had going on, but I definitely am NOT in love with him yet!? How would you guys handle this?
So you kissed the guy on the first night you met him, you saw him almost every night that week, and you have already slept with him and now you are freaked out because he said he loves you. I guess he does, you made it way too easy for him moving at that speed. He probably never had so easy so he thinks it must be love.
Why? Because as it turned out he is a nut job and the "worst one out there" and it's not paranoia, it's called trusting your instincts.
Oh, bologna. Other women might consider it a sign he's the one for them. They would be trusting their instincts too! I still contend that early "I love you"s can come from many different types of people, for several different reasons (one of which is that they think the other wants to hear it). My wife and I had this sort of beginning. Interesting to think that what made the difference between her being a lunatic and her just following her heart was that I said "I love you" back. So if I didn't feel the "I love you" forming on my lips, I should've called the loony bin pronto. That's a logical argument, right?
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Originally Posted by ipaper
So you kissed the guy on the first night you met him, you saw him almost every night that week, and you have already slept with and now you are freaked out because he said he loves you. I guess he does, you made it way too easy for him moving at that speed. He probably never had so easy so he thinks it must be love.
That is actually a very solid point. People use the "When you know, you know" explanation all. the. friggin. time when telling their friends and family why they did this and that so quickly. It is possible this guy just took all of these events to mean more than they really did.
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