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When my gf and I met (I was 23 and her 18) I made about 1/3 what do now and she worked as well. Then about 6 months after dating, I had the opportunity to double my income and travel doing contract work. I'm in a given place from 6-12+ months.
She had zero bills, zero debt, and required very little. She made minimum wage when we met.
We have now been on the road 2 years together sometimes she works, sometimes she doesnt. Depends where we are and if it's practical. She's worked about 8 months of the 2 years.
Honestly, right now I prefer her not to work. I could get her a job with me right now making 40k, but I make 150k and thats more than enough for us.
While she doesn't "work" she sure as heck gets stuff done. We eat 6x/ day all healthy meals and she cooks them. She wakes up with me at 6 and makes breakfast and packs my lunch while I get ready. She does all the grocery shopping, errands, cleaning, laundry, dog walking, etc. She does tons of sewing and knitting projects. She reads a lot. She's also better with kids than any woman ive ever known that doesn't have any, and thats a characteristic I never knew I could admire so much until I met her. All my friends and family absolutely adore her.
The best part? When I'm not working we have 100% of the time to do stuff we enjoy. She gets all the other stuff done during the week, so nights and weekends are spent at the gym, dates, movies. Weve gone on two big vacations this year, i have 2 more weeks off, and countless weekend getaways. Not to mention we still put $2k-3k in the bank every month (actually saved 4k last month and we even spent a week on vacation)
We love our situation. We'll get engaged soon and married eventually. Then I'll get a permanent job in ome place and she'll go to school. I don't think anyone on either side of her family has graduated from college so I don't think I really "prevented" her from much. She was happy to come with and we're both very happy.
Anyways, you don't know everyone's situation or what works for them. If we needed more money or I felt she wasnt contributing she'd have 0 issue and never a complaint about working. She's worked some on the road and is always fine with it. We just don't feel the minimal added income vs what I make is worth the major dent it would cut into our free time. She never asks for anything but stuff she does need or seem to want, I get her. It's all reasonable. Her version of shopping is buying a $12 purse at wal mart or spending $30 on 4 whole outfits are Charlotte Russe. If we ever need to cut down spending to meet our savings goals she gets beyond excited to try and make new cheat meals instead of going out.b
While I don't think our situation is what the OP describes as she doesn't spend her days at the mall or the spa or by the pool, she still doesn't work. She doesn't take the least bit advantage of it and is about the most low maintenance girl Ive ever met.
The "only" times the added cost is a bit noticeable is flying places. However when we drive, or stay in hotels, her coming with is 0 added cost vs if I was to go with someone else. There's added cost in meals and such, but when i was dating other people I always paid for those too.
Whats funny is I've brought this up before and got bashed, but we're beyond happy and wouldn't have it any other way, so I'm not sure why others would feel the need to be concerned.
When my gf and I met (I was 23 and her 18) I made about 1/3 what do now and she worked as well. Then about 6 months after dating, I had the opportunity to double my income and travel doing contract work. I'm in a given place from 6-12+ months.
She had zero bills, zero debt, and required very little. She made minimum wage when we met.
We have now been on the road 2 years together sometimes she works, sometimes she doesnt. Depends where we are and if it's practical. She's worked about 8 months of the 2 years.
Honestly, right now I prefer her not to work. I could get her a job with me right now making 40k, but I make 150k and thats more than enough for us.
While she doesn't "work" she sure as heck gets stuff done. We eat 6x/ day all healthy meals and she cooks them. She wakes up with me at 6 and makes breakfast and packs my lunch while I get ready. She does all the grocery shopping, errands, cleaning, laundry, dog walking, etc. She does tons of sewing and knitting projects. She reads a lot. She's also better with kids than any woman ive ever known that doesn't have any, and thats a characteristic I never knew I could admire so much until I met her. All my friends and family absolutely adore her.
The best part? When I'm not working we have 100% of the time to do stuff we enjoy. She gets all the other stuff done during the week, so nights and weekends are spent at the gym, dates, movies. Weve gone on two big vacations this year, i have 2 more weeks off, and countless weekend getaways. Not to mention we still put $2k-3k in the bank every month (actually saved 4k last month and we even spent a week on vacation)
We love our situation. We'll get engaged soon and married eventually. Then I'll get a permanent job in ome place and she'll go to school. I don't think anyone on either side of her family has graduated from college so I don't think I really "prevented" her from much. She was happy to come with and we're both very happy.
Anyways, you don't know everyone's situation or what works for them. If we needed more money or I felt she wasnt contributing she'd have 0 issue and never a complaint about working. She's worked some on the road and is always fine with it. We just don't feel the minimal added income vs what I make is worth the major dent it would cut into our free time. She never asks for anything but stuff she does need or seem to want, I get her. It's all reasonable. Her version of shopping is buying a $12 purse at wal mart or spending $30 on 4 whole outfits are Charlotte Russe. If we ever need to cut down spending to meet our savings goals she gets beyond excited to try and make new cheat meals instead of going out.b
While I don't think our situation is what the OP describes as she doesn't spend her days at the mall or the spa or by the pool, she still doesn't work. She doesn't take the least bit advantage of it and is about the most low maintenance girl Ive ever met.
The "only" times the added cost is a bit noticeable is flying places. However when we drive, or stay in hotels, her coming with is 0 added cost vs if I was to go with someone else. There's added cost in meals and such, but when i was dating other people I always paid for those too.
Whats funny is I've brought this up before and got bashed, but we're beyond happy and wouldn't have it any other way, so I'm not sure why others would feel the need to be concerned.
Well yeah, but your situation, as well as the situation that others have posted regard SAHMs, isn't at all what the OP describes. He's talking about women who just want a man to support them and give little to nothing back in return. That doesn't sound like what you have going on at all. Sounds like your gf contributes
Sadly, it doesn't always apply to just rich women, either. My friend currently is dealing with a separation after learning that his wife cheated. For 10 years she was a "stay at home mom." I put that phrase in quotations because her version of being a Stay at Home Mom was vastly different than what others described. She rarely cleaned and only cooked because she enjoyed it. She usually pawned the kids off on relatives so she could go to the casino or shopping with friends. Meanwhile my friend would work 8+ hours a day at a stressful job, come home, and be responsible for cleaning, doing dishes, doing laundry, making sure the kids did their homework, putting the kids to bed, paying the bills, and balancing their accounts. Now she stands to get half of his 401k and pension if they divorce when she barely did anything. It's kind of his own fault for letting her get away with these things just because she was a cute little Irish girl, but it's still pretty crappy.
Aka "Housewives." What do you think of these type of women? I personally find it selfish and unbalanced and would NEVER stand for it in a relationship. By this I AM NOT referring to stay at home moms-women who have chosen to opt out to raise kids- which I think is rather commendable if feasible and both spouses have reached an accord. I'm referring to women who either have no kids OR more commonly empty nesters usually in their 40's or 50's who are still healthy and employable but choose not to re enter the work-force even part time and instead pursue a leisurely lifestyle such as shopping and spa trips, yoga/zumba, luncheons with friends, etc ON THEIR hard working husband's dime. Anyone else find this behavior despicable at worst, LAZY and manipulative at best. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.
Why should a man have to slave away 40+ (often 50-60 hours a week) and deal with co-workers, office politics, or hard physical work depending on his profession while his wife gets to call her own shots all day and do as she pleases (even if the activities she's doing don't involve a lot of money such as going for walks,hikes, library,etc). It still seems incongruent in a marriage unless as said earlier, she has young kids she's rearing which is a totally different entity in and of itself.
Thoughts?
Usually from my experiences (I deal with these couples daily) the woman is out of the mans league physically. He is paying for her "service" shall we say. If that is what he is happy with, who I'm I to judge or say anything. What bugs me most is when they have nothing important they have to do, yet make me jump through hoops to stay home to get me in to do what I have to do. I get irritated when I have to stand out and ring on the doorbell in the middle of a monsoon downpour for 15 minutes while she is inside not opening up or on the phone.....all the while getting soaked. I also get irritated when there is a BMW in the garage and the lady kabeyotches about a damn $5-$20 part needing replaced.
I had that option with my ex. I just didn't chose it. I got bored. Now with the rich ex I did take advantage of it. He refused to have it any other way and who was I to argue??
If I were rich I'd throw around a little fun money on women.... a little jewelry, a few dinners, no biggie.... I don't think I'd be throwing around ranger rovers, but a few duckets here and there wouldn't kill me.
My wife works part time when the kids are in school. She was a SAHM for a while, too.
She definitely plans to work when the kids are grown and gone, but that is over a decade off.
However, women who stayed home with kids, even with degrees, may find it EXCEEDINGLY difficult to return to work after 20 years out of the workforce. It's often harder than it is for a fresh college grad with no work experience.
Well yeah, but your situation, as well as the situation that others have posted regard SAHMs, isn't at all what the OP describes. He's talking about women who just want a man to support them and give little to nothing back in return. That doesn't sound like what you have going on at all. Sounds like your gf contributes
Actually THIS is what the OP said:
Quote:
I'm referring to women who either have no kids OR more commonly empty nesters usually in their 40's or 50's who are still healthy and employable but choose not to re enter the work-force even part time and instead pursue a leisurely lifestyle such as shopping and spa trips, yoga/zumba, luncheons with friends, etc ON THEIR hard working husband's dime. Anyone else find this behavior despicable at worst, LAZY and manipulative at best. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.
Why should a man have to slave away 40+ (often 50-60 hours a week) and deal with co-workers, office politics, or hard physical work depending on his profession while his wife gets to call her own shots all day and do as she pleases (even if the activities she's doing don't involve a lot of money such as going for walks,hikes, library,etc). It still seems incongruent in a marriage unless as said earlier, she has young kids she's rearing which is a totally different entity in and of itself.
OK - note: The OP didn't say that these women don't cook or clean or do volunteer work. It is certainly possible to cook, clean, volunteer, iron your husband's shirts, run errands, pay bills, etc. while also going shopping, or to the spa, yoga classes, and having lunch with friends. A healthy, energetic woman can do all of those things AND keep herself attractive, and keep her husband happy and fulfilled romantically as well.
My husband works two weeks "on" and two weeks "off." When he's working, he's working out of town. When he's home, the LAST thing he wants me to do is get up out of the bed he's been yearning for, and rush off to work in the morning, and then leave him sitting at home till I get off at 5 or later. We know this because we tried it for several years. Finally one day he said, "Hey, would you consider quitting your job?" HELL TO THE YES I would! It was the best decision we ever made together, even though it was an adjustment for both of us.
And yes, I go shopping. I take yoga classes. I meet friends for lunch. A couple of times a year I get a facial or a massage. And I also volunteer locally. I keep the house and yard in impeccable shape. I keep MYSELF healthy and attractive. I cook. I keep the books for our business. I pay all the bills and organize and manage all home improvement projects (we just bought a house that needed updating) and he knows that it's going to be done right with me in charge. I also pitch in helping with his two elderly parents as well as my two elderly parents. But if the OP saw me bouncing out of my car at the gym with my yoga mat at 10 am while talking to my girlfriend about where to meet her for lunch, he'd probably jump to a lot of wrong conclusions.
Yep, I have more free time than many women my age (early fifties). I know I have a good life. But I also know I am naturally a hard worker and that I had a good career (working 50 plus hours most weeks) for twenty years. I'm just glad I'm married to a man who isn't bitter or jealous or petty about what I do with my free time - the time he so graciously has offered me. It works for both of us.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,149,295 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by deepwater88
Aka "Housewives." What do you think of these type of women? I personally find it selfish and unbalanced and would NEVER stand for it in a relationship. By this I AM NOT referring to stay at home moms-women who have chosen to opt out to raise kids- which I think is rather commendable if feasible and both spouses have reached an accord. I'm referring to women who either have no kids OR more commonly empty nesters usually in their 40's or 50's who are still healthy and employable but choose not to re enter the work-force even part time and instead pursue a leisurely lifestyle such as shopping and spa trips, yoga/zumba, luncheons with friends, etc ON THEIR hard working husband's dime. Anyone else find this behavior despicable at worst, LAZY and manipulative at best. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.
Why should a man have to slave away 40+ (often 50-60 hours a week) and deal with co-workers, office politics, or hard physical work depending on his profession while his wife gets to call her own shots all day and do as she pleases (even if the activities she's doing don't involve a lot of money such as going for walks,hikes, library,etc). It still seems incongruent in a marriage unless as said earlier, she has young kids she's rearing which is a totally different entity in and of itself.
Thoughts?
There was a time men wanted, expected and demanded that their wife stay home and be a homemaker. Keep a tidy house, do laundry, wash windows and toilets, prepare a breakfast, portable lunch in many cases and supper for him. Garden. Bake cookies and cakes and pies for his enjoyment. It was a mark of shame and embarassment in many communities when most men began to not be able to tow the financial rope alone anymore.
But things have gotten better now! The house stays in shambles, sometimes you are scrambling for something clean to wear, food and treats come packaged and toxic, or are delived hot and fresh from toxic ingredients. Your laundry gets washed by who knows, along with who knows who elses laundry, if its dropped off or sent out. The kids, if any, are home alone and on their own, in many cases running hog wild.
Who wouldn't argue that the advances of today far out-weigh the morals and goals of 50 years ago?
I remember my grandmother used to even iron the bed sheets. Whens the last time you slept on sheets that have been ironed before placement on your bed? *shrugs*
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