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Your biracial first of all... That isn't aa, but it's moot to contest that since I'm sure there are people that will see you as black based on your physical presence.
So the first question is, what city are you located in? I've noticed that certain cities have more pairings of black women with white men than others. I'm not sure if it's the overall culture or acceptance level but I've definitely noticed it more in certain cities. (I've lived in over 5 states).
Second question, are you attracted and open to white men, if for instance one wanted to date you? Or do you feel limited and as if you aren't good enough or attractive enough because your black or because you don't think your physically attractive?
Third question, do you believe your attractive? And are you extroverted or introverted? Are you feminine and approachable and have expressed to your friends and their boyfriends that your interested in meeting someone?
Finally are there black men on campus? Have they approached you, and are you interested in black men?
Depending on your answers I can give you a more specific answer.
I'm a black woman, not biracial. For some reason though people(black men mainly) have thought I was mixed with Asian and black.
So assuming that you look biracial I can safely assume that most people probably know or lean toward you possibly being biracial. And for some people that's seen as different from being a complete black women. people tend to believe that biracial people are very attractive and look exotic and are easier to associate or communicate with. I've heard this opinion enough to believe that in many cases it's probably true.
There are of course in every group women and men that might not hold to a certain stereotype(so you may not) but assuming that since you biracial that you might be reasonably attractive then there might be things that you are doing and thinking (without realizing it) that has caused you to not get asked out by men.
If you are attractive, feminine and approachable, men will gravitate toward you. The key is to be confident(or act like you are), appear approachable(really just smiling more and saying hi when you walk pass people) and make it known when you are interested in someone, even if it's subtle clues.
That being said...
I have went to a mostly white college so I know how it is. But i also know of biracial and black women at my mostly white college that dated white men. One I remember was not even what one might even consider attractive. So you definitely aren't SOL simply because your a woman of color.
I think your selling your self short and that your beliefs about yourself and your limiting feelings of self worth are playing a large role in your singledom.
To give you understanding. Growing up I had heard things that caused me to believe that only certain women were attractive to white men, that they don't like thick women, and that most of them
are not into black women-the ones that are, I was told liked dark thin black women with natural hair or mixed women.
It never bothered me because I really only like black men. Lol. But I am a thick black women, with a big butt, and a caramel complexion, I have relaxed hair and while I've been told I looked mixed, in reality i look like a black woman.
White men approach me, stop me, and tell me I'm pretty all the time. I've noticed I get treated good by them in the work place and that whenever I interview with them subtle flirting seems to always get me the job.
At first it was surprising since it undermined everything I had been told. But in actuality what I realized is that white men are men period, and men in general will appreciate an attractive, feminine, confident, approachable woman. Yes there are some that have no interest in black women but surely in your college there are some that if given the opportunity would be open to dating you. I know because as I said I saw it in my own eyes at my white college, and I myself was asked out several times by white guys but I only f@@@ with black men and Latin men lol.
Which brings me to my next point... Even if there are no white men you like or that like you. Pretty sure there are black men that would date you at your school. Even the ones that swear they only date white women or don't seem to act interested in black women, will date one that they find attractive and approachable. And this is based on experience because since I've been in this new state I'm in , the only black men i have dated have literally been the black men that typically only dated white women.
So my point is to work on making yourself approachable, and conveying interest in men that your attracted to. I have no experience with old so I can't help you there. But I can tell you that if your attractive and feminine, work on being more approachable, getting rid of the negative thoughts that are limiting you from dating and realize that beliefs will create your reality. The moment you stop seeing this as racial and understand men as men and realize your worth and value, your luck will change.
The black guys that are at school are dating white girls. Even the few mixed guys (white/black) are dating white girls. Long term relationships, some of them coming into college in those relationships
I'm not only into black guys though. I find many white and Asian males attractive. But they're not into black or biracial girls, so it's not something I actively pursue.
I guess I was looking for ideas to meet new people
Ok, well I know you said you don't want to do it, but it wouldn't hurt to try online dating. You may not meet anyone until after college and that's ok, but there are white/Asian guys out there who would date you. Don't assume that they won't until you know that for sure.
Your biracial first of all... That isn't aa, but it's moot to contest that since I'm sure there are people that will see you as black based on your physical presence.
So the first question is, what city are you located in? I've noticed that certain cities have more pairings of black women with white men than others. I'm not sure if it's the overall culture or acceptance level but I've definitely noticed it more in certain cities. (I've lived in over 5 states).
Second question, are you attracted and open to white men, if for instance one wanted to date you? Or do you feel limited and as if you aren't good enough or attractive enough because your black or because you don't think your physically attractive?
Third question, do you believe your attractive? And are you extroverted or introverted? Are you feminine and approachable and have expressed to your friends and their boyfriends that your interested in meeting someone?
Finally are there black men on campus? Have they approached you, and are you interested in black men?
Depending on your answers I can give you a more specific answer.
I'm a black woman, not biracial. For some reason though people(black men mainly) have thought I was mixed with Asian and black.
So assuming that you look biracial I can safely assume that most people probably know or lean toward you possibly being biracial. And for some people that's seen as different from being a complete black women. people tend to believe that biracial people are very attractive and look exotic and are easier to associate or communicate with. I've heard this opinion enough to believe that in many cases it's probably true.
There are of course in every group women and men that might not hold to a certain stereotype(so you may not) but assuming that since you biracial that you might be reasonably attractive then there might be things that you are doing and thinking (without realizing it) that has caused you to not get asked out by men.
If you are attractive, feminine and approachable, men will gravitate toward you. The key is to be confident(or act like you are), appear approachable(really just smiling more and saying hi when you walk pass people) and make it known when you are interested in someone, even if it's subtle clues.
That being said...
I have went to a mostly white college so I know how it is. But i also know of biracial and black women at my mostly white college that dated white men. One I remember was not even what one might even consider attractive. So you definitely aren't SOL simply because your a woman of color.
I think your selling your self short and that your beliefs about yourself and your limiting feelings of self worth are playing a large role in your singledom.
To give you understanding. Growing up I had heard things that caused me to believe that only certain women were attractive to white men, that they don't like thick women, and that most of them
are not into black women-the ones that are, I was told liked dark thin black women with natural hair or mixed women.
It never bothered me because I really only like black men. Lol. But I am a thick black women, with a big butt, and a caramel complexion, I have relaxed hair and while I've been told I looked mixed, in reality i look like a black woman.
White men approach me, stop me, and tell me I'm pretty all the time. I've noticed I get treated good by them in the work place and that whenever I interview with them subtle flirting seems to always get me the job.
At first it was surprising since it undermined everything I had been told. But in actuality what I realized is that white men are men period, and men in general will appreciate an attractive, feminine, confident, approachable woman. Yes there are some that have no interest in black women but surely in your college there are some that if given the opportunity would be open to dating you. I know because as I said I saw it in my own eyes at my white college, and I myself was asked out several times by white guys but I only f@@@ with black men and Latin men lol.
Which brings me to my next point... Even if there are no white men you like or that like you. Pretty sure there are black men that would date you at your school. Even the ones that swear they only date white women or don't seem to act interested in black women, will date one that they find attractive and approachable. And this is based on experience because since I've been in this new state I'm in , the only black men i have dated have literally been the black men that typically only dated white women.
So my point is to work on making yourself approachable, and conveying interest in men that your attracted to. I have no experience with old so I can't help you there. But I can tell you that if your attractive and feminine, work on being more approachable, getting rid of the negative thoughts that are limiting you from dating and realize that beliefs will create your reality. The moment you stop seeing this as racial and understand men as men and realize your worth and value, your luck will change.
Hey! thanks for the really great post.
I'd prefer to not mention the city/state for several reasons. 1) because at this point some of the posters might be able to easily identify what school I go to & 2) I think people often like to act as though certain parts of the US are just a candy land of rainbows and cotton candy. Preferences exist everywhere and no one part of the country is more open minded, although people like to think so.
I am attracted to some white men, but again, it's not really an issue of whether i'm attracted to them. they are not attracted to ME or my kind, which puts me at a disadvantage in this particular university and city.
I'm ok looking. I think since being in college I've learned to take care of myself a lot more. I'm much more physically active, I've learned what makeup works for me (minimal!) and which styles work for me.
There are black men on campus but most are in relationships and a few are gay (same with the latino men)
I'd prefer to not mention the city/state for several reasons. 1) because at this point some of the posters might be able to easily identify what school I go to & 2) I think people often like to act as though certain parts of the US are just a candy land of rainbows and cotton candy. Preferences exist everywhere and no one part of the country is more open minded, although people like to think so.
I am attracted to some white men, but again, it's not really an issue of whether i'm attracted to them. they are not attracted to ME or my kind, which puts me at a disadvantage in this particular university and city.
I'm ok looking. I think since being in college I've learned to take care of myself a lot more. I'm much more physically active, I've learned what makeup works for me (minimal!) and which styles work for me.
There are black men on campus but most are in relationships and a few are gay (same with the latino men)
You are truthful in many of your statements about being at a disadvantage. Caucasian guys with money will be very skeptical to date an african american girl. The reason has very little to do with attraction. More to do with what the disapproval of their parents.
The reason why you are getting much attention could be preference or it could be racism. Regardless of the reason...you cannot let any one this slow you down and keep you from being happy.
Work on your personality. Smile more. Make more eye contact. Communicate with others as much as possible. I know for a fact there there are some white guys that will definitely be interested.
In the meantime you need to explore some other options outside of your university. If you get more attention from black guys then look for places where there are more black professionals.
Get out and enjoy your life and don't let your environment discourage you.
I live in a neighborhood that is very similar to your university. Very few black men and women in my area.
Have faced similar issues as you.
Be patient. Enjoy the friends that you have with you. Get rid of the desperate vibe. Learn to be a bit more outgoing.
I'd prefer to not mention the city/state for several reasons. 1) because at this point some of the posters might be able to easily identify what school I go to & 2) I think people often like to act as though certain parts of the US are just a candy land of rainbows and cotton candy. Preferences exist everywhere and no one part of the country is more open minded, although people like to think so.
I am attracted to some white men, but again, it's not really an issue of whether i'm attracted to them. they are not attracted to ME or my kind, which puts me at a disadvantage in this particular university and city.
I'm ok looking. I think since being in college I've learned to take care of myself a lot more. I'm much more physically active, I've learned what makeup works for me (minimal!) and which styles work for me.
There are black men on campus but most are in relationships and a few are gay (same with the latino men)
I agree with you, there is no place that is candy land or where everyone is fair game. In the dating game there are going to be some left out, and sometimes for reasons that are extend or are based upon lack of opportunities. But still Ime in certain states I noticed far more black women white men couples than in other states. In the state I'm in now the ir couplings leans toward black men and white women, and Asian women and white men. But in the last two states, I saw equal amounts of ir pairings and significantly more black women dating white men. So I do believe that location can play a role.
Your really saying that no white men like you? How do you now that it's racially based? Again I'm a full black women and even in the whitest areas I've been at least approached or told I'm pretty by at least one or two white males. I find it hard to believe that there is virtually not one guy on that entire campus that would not find you attractive unless you really are not attractive. Perception is everything. Are you sure you just haven't fallen into the mindset of assuming that these men don't like your kind?
And I'm sure there are black men in relationships or that are gay but I also know that the ones that might seem not to like black women would date one that was attractive, feminine, approachable, kind, and from a similar background as they. Or at least this is my experience. I am nfg though, even when a black man says he dated white women only I have never met one that has not wanted to date me or that didnt show interest in me. Just keeping it real with you, that sometimes these men date certain women but will also date outside of their normal type if they meet a woman that intrigues them and that they find attractive.
But if everything you are saying is true. Then maybe you need to move once your done with college to an area that's more diverse. In the meantime I'm guessing that old might be your best bet then.
You are busy focusing on the ones that don't want you rather than being open to the ones that would want you. This issue is really about you and not them.
The bolded is not true because you cannot speak for all Asian and white males.
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeendonuts
The black guys that are at school are dating white girls. Even the few mixed guys (white/black) are dating white girls. Long term relationships, some of them coming into college in those relationships
I'm not only into black guys though. I find many white and Asian males attractive. But they're not into black or biracial girls, so it's not something I actively pursue.
I guess I was looking for ideas to meet new people
You are truthful in many of your statements about being at a disadvantage. Caucasian guys with money will be very skeptical to date an african american girl. The reason has very little to do with attraction. More to do with what the disapproval of their parents.
The reason why you are getting much attention could be preference or it could be racism. Regardless of the reason...you cannot let any one this slow you down and keep you from being happy.
Work on your personality. Smile more. Make more eye contact. Communicate with others as much as possible. I know for a fact there there are some white guys that will definitely be interested.
In the meantime you need to explore some other options outside of your university. If you get more attention from black guys then look for places where there are more black professionals.
Get out and enjoy your life and don't let your environment discourage you.
I live in a neighborhood that is very similar to your university. Very few black men and women in my area.
Have faced similar issues as you.
Be patient. Enjoy the friends that you have with you. Get rid of the desperate vibe. Learn to be a bit more outgoing.
Guys will come.
I didn't consider this but you have a point that there are white men that won't date black women because of family, friends, or status. It sucks but it happens and it is what it is.
And white men with money? Lol. She is in college, most of those guys are college students. They might be more cautious because she's not white and they don't want to venture out , but I doubt it's about money for a 20 year old male.
You are truthful in many of your statements about being at a disadvantage. Caucasian guys with money will be very skeptical to date an african american girl. The reason has very little to do with attraction. More to do with what the disapproval of their parents.
The reason why you are getting much attention could be preference or it could be racism. Regardless of the reason...you cannot let any one this slow you down and keep you from being happy.
Work on your personality. Smile more. Make more eye contact. Communicate with others as much as possible. I know for a fact there there are some white guys that will definitely be interested.
In the meantime you need to explore some other options outside of your university. If you get more attention from black guys then look for places where there are more black professionals.
Get out and enjoy your life and don't let your environment discourage you.
I live in a neighborhood that is very similar to your university. Very few black men and women in my area.
Have faced similar issues as you.
Be patient. Enjoy the friends that you have with you. Get rid of the desperate vibe. Learn to be a bit more outgoing.
Guys will come.
I have money. In fact, I come from more money than a lot of these guys. And a lot of old white guys have no problem dating dirt poor Asian mail order brides so money isn't the issue
Well, I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend. In highschool I was not interested in boys at all. Well, at this point in my life I'd love to start dating. I'm not going to say what university I go to or where, because it doesn't matter.
It does matter. Where do you go to school?
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