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This is going to be a long post, I am just warning you, so grab something to drink (%%).
To give you a background - I(25) recently moved to the USA from Eastern Europe. I was in a long relationship before I came in, almost 7 years. We have been living together etc, things didn't work out and it's all good, just as they say time heals all the pain. I have always been the sensitive in the relationship, always the one that was "crazier" but I guess that also had to do with age.
Anyway, when I moved here after some time I met somebody(30). I changed my job in January and the first time I saw him I was like "wow". He seemed 100% my physical type and seemed very charming. Although, I didn't know him, his situation so I had no intentions of anything. We were working on the same position so we were spending a lot of time together and I am not gonna lie, I liked him a lot as a person. He started giving me little signs that I guess he likes me back - after work we were going for drinks, he would sometimes text me after work but still I thought he was just being nice.
One day after work, we went out for drinks. I was driving and I had a little too much so he offered he is going to drive me home, which I said okay. Obviously I thought maybe we would cuddle or just chill but I guess we both couldn't help ourselves and we had sex. I have never thought I am going to break my rule which was "don't do stuff with coworkers" but forget it. After that time, it used to happen once a week so after work we would go to my house and then the next day we were coming together to work. I would say after 2 months I was trying to talk to him, see what he thinks about it. I am a kind of "relationship" girl I don't go on a dates with guys, I am not into tinder stuff... maybe because of my past, I am just so used to being in relationship that I don't wanna be on a hunt again I don't know He was always saying "We barely know each other", "I don't see anybody else" so I was like okay, I guess let's give it some time. Another aspect of the whole thing was work issue. So since we were working together, we were keeping this whole thing obviously as a secret so I have never talked to anyone about him before things got like that. I would say around April I got closer with one of the girls and I told her about the whole situation and she told me that she would never expect it from me, that he is a player, he ****s every girl etc. At that point, to be honest with you I believed her cause I always had weird vibes from him, he was texting with me than he disappeared for a day or we are scheduled last minute and then he is silent.. I was the one who always had to pick him up because he doesn't have a car, whatever. A week after I found out I confronted him. I asked him is that true and he got furious said that people always talked **** about him and why the hell I believed them. I would say we ended things at that point - whatever there was between us.
But month passed and I couldn't help myself. I missed him and I have been wondering that what if it wasn't true? I reached out to him and he also seemed happy about it. I don't have a lot of people in this country so I really appreciated our "friendship". Since than everything is pretty the same except he has better weeks when he actually makes "effort" and comes to my house by taking uber which is funny cause I almost cried the first time he did this, that's how happy I was... when I think about my previous relationship my expectations were so high compared to this...
and now guys, months are passing we are still nothing but this. We don't work anymore in the same company, but we work next door so we sometimes go on a lunch together or we hang out after work - he comes to my house, we text almost every day. To his friend that I have met he is calling me "my girl", or sometimes when I mention something at work he is pretending like he is jealous but then he is like "just kidding". It bothers me so much!! I know I shouldn't bring my old past with me but this is such a new situation to me.. I have never dated a Spanish guy, never a guy who had a lot of problems with law when he was young... also had life threatening situation. I am just trying to explain his behavior that maybe his past had something to do with it? So I am trying to be the patient, understanding one but then I really don't know. What if I am wasting my time, cause obviously at this point I don't like him I think I have feelings toward him. I know the easiest way would be TALK TO HIM but I already tried months ago and he didn't seem like he had answer either. I kind of don't want to ruin what is going on between us because again I don't have a lot of people in here but at the same time it is painful to me cause I really don't know if he is playing with me or what.
This is going to be a long post, I am just warning you, so grab something to drink (%%).
To give you a background - I(25) recently moved to the USA from Eastern Europe. I was in a long relationship before I came in, almost 7 years. We have been living together etc, things didn't work out and it's all good, just as they say time heals all the pain. I have always been the sensitive in the relationship, always the one that was "crazier" but I guess that also had to do with age.
Anyway, when I moved here after some time I met somebody(30). I changed my job in January and the first time I saw him I was like "wow". He seemed 100% my physical type and seemed very charming. Although, I didn't know him, his situation so I had no intentions of anything. We were working on the same position so we were spending a lot of time together and I am not gonna lie, I liked him a lot as a person. He started giving me little signs that I guess he likes me back - after work we were going for drinks, he would sometimes text me after work but still I thought he was just being nice.
One day after work, we went out for drinks. I was driving and I had a little too much so he offered he is going to drive me home, which I said okay. Obviously I thought maybe we would cuddle or just chill but I guess we both couldn't help ourselves and we had sex. I have never thought I am going to break my rule which was "don't do stuff with coworkers" but forget it. After that time, it used to happen once a week so after work we would go to my house and then the next day we were coming together to work. I would say after 2 months I was trying to talk to him, see what he thinks about it. I am a kind of "relationship" girl I don't go on a dates with guys, I am not into tinder stuff... maybe because of my past, I am just so used to being in relationship that I don't wanna be on a hunt again I don't know He was always saying "We barely know each other", "I don't see anybody else" so I was like okay, I guess let's give it some time. Another aspect of the whole thing was work issue. So since we were working together, we were keeping this whole thing obviously as a secret so I have never talked to anyone about him before things got like that. I would say around April I got closer with one of the girls and I told her about the whole situation and she told me that she would never expect it from me, that he is a player, he ****s every girl etc. At that point, to be honest with you I believed her cause I always had weird vibes from him, he was texting with me than he disappeared for a day or we are scheduled last minute and then he is silent.. I was the one who always had to pick him up because he doesn't have a car, whatever. A week after I found out I confronted him. I asked him is that true and he got furious said that people always talked **** about him and why the hell I believed them. I would say we ended things at that point - whatever there was between us.
But month passed and I couldn't help myself. I missed him and I have been wondering that what if it wasn't true? I reached out to him and he also seemed happy about it. I don't have a lot of people in this country so I really appreciated our "friendship". Since than everything is pretty the same except he has better weeks when he actually makes "effort" and comes to my house by taking uber which is funny cause I almost cried the first time he did this, that's how happy I was... when I think about my previous relationship my expectations were so high compared to this...
and now guys, months are passing we are still nothing but this. We don't work anymore in the same company, but we work next door so we sometimes go on a lunch together or we hang out after work - he comes to my house, we text almost every day. To his friend that I have met he is calling me "my girl", or sometimes when I mention something at work he is pretending like he is jealous but then he is like "just kidding". It bothers me so much!! I know I shouldn't bring my old past with me but this is such a new situation to me.. I have never dated a Spanish guy, never a guy who had a lot of problems with law when he was young... also had life threatening situation. I am just trying to explain his behavior that maybe his past had something to do with it? So I am trying to be the patient, understanding one but then I really don't know. What if I am wasting my time, cause obviously at this point I don't like him I think I have feelings toward him. I know the easiest way would be TALK TO HIM but I already tried months ago and he didn't seem like he had answer either. I kind of don't want to ruin what is going on between us because again I don't have a lot of people in here but at the same time it is painful to me cause I really don't know if he is playing with me or what.
You ARE wasting your time.
The situation is great for him. Why would he change it?
Just in general, the time to get concessions or to define a relationship is before you go to bed with a guy. After that he holds all the cards. In the future try defining the parameters of your relationship before succumbing to your biological urges.
Worst way to approach it is after the act, lying bed saying "I don't want this to just be a one time thing".
This is going to be a long post, I am just warning you, so grab something to drink (%%).
To give you a background - I(25) recently moved to the USA from Eastern Europe. I was in a long relationship before I came in, almost 7 years. We have been living together etc, things didn't work out and it's all good, just as they say time heals all the pain. I have always been the sensitive in the relationship, always the one that was "crazier" but I guess that also had to do with age.
Anyway, when I moved here after some time I met somebody(30). I changed my job in January and the first time I saw him I was like "wow". He seemed 100% my physical type and seemed very charming. Although, I didn't know him, his situation so I had no intentions of anything. We were working on the same position so we were spending a lot of time together and I am not gonna lie, I liked him a lot as a person. He started giving me little signs that I guess he likes me back - after work we were going for drinks, he would sometimes text me after work but still I thought he was just being nice.
One day after work, we went out for drinks. I was driving and I had a little too much so he offered he is going to drive me home, which I said okay. Obviously I thought maybe we would cuddle or just chill but I guess we both couldn't help ourselves and we had sex. I have never thought I am going to break my rule which was "don't do stuff with coworkers" but forget it. After that time, it used to happen once a week so after work we would go to my house and then the next day we were coming together to work. I would say after 2 months I was trying to talk to him, see what he thinks about it. I am a kind of "relationship" girl I don't go on a dates with guys, I am not into tinder stuff... maybe because of my past, I am just so used to being in relationship that I don't wanna be on a hunt again I don't know He was always saying "We barely know each other", "I don't see anybody else" so I was like okay, I guess let's give it some time. Another aspect of the whole thing was work issue. So since we were working together, we were keeping this whole thing obviously as a secret so I have never talked to anyone about him before things got like that. I would say around April I got closer with one of the girls and I told her about the whole situation and she told me that she would never expect it from me, that he is a player, he ****s every girl etc. At that point, to be honest with you I believed her cause I always had weird vibes from him, he was texting with me than he disappeared for a day or we are scheduled last minute and then he is silent.. I was the one who always had to pick him up because he doesn't have a car, whatever. A week after I found out I confronted him. I asked him is that true and he got furious said that people always talked **** about him and why the hell I believed them. I would say we ended things at that point - whatever there was between us.
But month passed and I couldn't help myself. I missed him and I have been wondering that what if it wasn't true? I reached out to him and he also seemed happy about it. I don't have a lot of people in this country so I really appreciated our "friendship". Since than everything is pretty the same except he has better weeks when he actually makes "effort" and comes to my house by taking uber which is funny cause I almost cried the first time he did this, that's how happy I was... when I think about my previous relationship my expectations were so high compared to this...
and now guys, months are passing we are still nothing but this. We don't work anymore in the same company, but we work next door so we sometimes go on a lunch together or we hang out after work - he comes to my house, we text almost every day. To his friend that I have met he is calling me "my girl", or sometimes when I mention something at work he is pretending like he is jealous but then he is like "just kidding". It bothers me so much!! I know I shouldn't bring my old past with me but this is such a new situation to me.. I have never dated a Spanish guy, never a guy who had a lot of problems with law when he was young... also had life threatening situation. I am just trying to explain his behavior that maybe his past had something to do with it? So I am trying to be the patient, understanding one but then I really don't know. What if I am wasting my time, cause obviously at this point I don't like him I think I have feelings toward him. I know the easiest way would be TALK TO HIM but I already tried months ago and he didn't seem like he had answer either. I kind of don't want to ruin what is going on between us because again I don't have a lot of people in here but at the same time it is painful to me cause I really don't know if he is playing with me or what.
OP, never be a guy's "secret." Don't be in a relationship you have to keep secret.
You said, "I kind of don't want to ruin what is going on between us (which you already said is "nothing but this") because again I don't have a lot of people in here (smacks of desperation which is not a good foundation for a healthy relationship) but at the same time it is painful to me cause I really don't know if he is playing with me (yep, he likely is) or what."
When you search for, approach or are involved in a relationship from a place of need or desperation, that is never a good thing. There is a difference between "need" and "desire." If you are need-based in a relationship, you are weak and subject to exploitation, maltreatment, use and such. You, OP, come from a place of need, and he senses that and is using that (your desperation and neediness) against you and to his favor.
In my view, there are two courses why your job-colleague told you about him in this way.
1) She just envies you and wants to break your relationship.
2) She told you the totally truth and he is playing with everybody.
Anyway, an idea to still with somebody only because you haven't enough friends in this area is awfull. Try to ask somebody else about him and only after that make any conclusions.
Just in general, the time to get concessions or to define a relationship is before you go to bed with a guy. After that he holds all the cards. In the future try defining the parameters of your relationship before succumbing to your biological urges.
Worst way to approach it is after the act, lying bed saying "I don't want this to just be a one time thing".
Yeah I am not gonna lie, I know that whole thing started from bad order. That’s why I also think I am on a losing position but this stupid hope still keeps me around him
Yeah I know guys it sounds desperately, and probably is. I guess I have some internal need of being the one that chases a guy. I had the same with my ex, he has been my crush for years before we started dating and then eventually we became a couple for years. For some reason I have similar ideas about this guy, although I am older I should be smarter lol
If you feel like you can’t trust him, then you need to stop seeing him. Also, if you want a good relationship in your life, you have to make space for it.
You’ve said you’re not satisfied with the situation. Tell him it’s not working for you. Don’t try to make do, especially if he seems to be playing the field. Trust your gut.
tl;dr; - woman is attracted to, gets involved with, a "bad boy" and can't understand why he only comes over for sex.
^this!!!!
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