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I read in Mars and Venus on a Date, that its pretty common for guys to do this, the author states that it comes from the competiveness of the male 'mind'.
You know, wanting to sell himself-promote himself, and therefore eliminate competition from your selection process.
But, if a grown man hasn't figured out how to control himself and pay attention to other things such as the feelings and needs of another person, which your story seems to indicate, then I would say there is the true problem. Not that someone is not shutting up about themselves, but that they demonstrated a lack of emotional intelligence.
Oh, you mean a narcissist? One of those that has only managed to fall in love with himself?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava
Ever been on a first date where the guy is talking and talking and talking about himself and asking NO questions about you and taking NO real interest in your life, treating you like you're there to be his therapist or sounding-board? And yet, at the end of the date, he proclaims how much he likes you and how "hot and awesome" you are? This was my date last night (who I obviously will not be seeing again).
How do you handle a guy who CANNOT SHUT UP about himself and acts like you're there to be his mother and give him accolades and praise? Is this a guy just wanting to boast and impress the girl, or is he trying to steal the spotlight FROM the girl?
I read in Mars and Venus on a Date, that its pretty common for guys to do this, the author states that it comes from the competiveness of the male 'mind'.
You know, wanting to sell himself-promote himself, and therefore eliminate competition from your selection process.
But, if a grown man hasn't figured out how to control himself and pay attention to other things such as the feelings and needs of another person, which your story seems to indicate, then I would say there is the true problem. Not that someone is not shutting up about themselves, but that they demonstrated a lack of emotional intelligence.
I am all for a guy selling and promoting himself. I love knowing that I'm sitting across from a strong man who knows what he wants out of life. But if he can't seem to step out of his bubble to include ME in that vision, there's definitely something wrong.
Like you said, it seemed like he existed in his own little world and had no concept of the give-and-take that is required on a date! I felt like I was sitting across from someone who was still in high school, maybe even middle school. A boy. Just totally consumed in his own world, living in his head.
He actually did mention that he had a domineering mother and a passive, quiet father growing up. Maybe he never got to "step into" his masculinity. Either way, not for me.
Yes, sounds like you've done yourself a favor by not taking part in this future dysfunctional relationship.
When I read this book, Mars and Venus on a date, I thought that this would have been an excellent time for a passive aggressive guy to find out what kind of woman he is dealing with?
The outspoken won't take crap from anyone type? Or the softie who is mothering?
Either way - I wouldn't want to be put into any 'category' by someone just getting to know me...its books like this that make me believe the whole thing is a horrible joke that only the crazies play. And then there are maybe one or two gems in the whole world. The rest...be afraid, be very afraid.
Ever been on a first date where the guy is talking and talking and talking about himself and asking NO questions about you and taking NO real interest in your life, treating you like you're there to be his therapist or sounding-board? And yet, at the end of the date, he proclaims how much he likes you and how "hot and awesome" you are? This was my date last night (who I obviously will not be seeing again).
How do you handle a guy who CANNOT SHUT UP about himself and acts like you're there to be his mother and give him accolades and praise? Is this a guy just wanting to boast and impress the girl, or is he trying to steal the spotlight FROM the girl?
One key phrase, delivered flippantly: "But enough about you." Follow this up with, "I [did whatever]..." huge emphasis on "I."
And make sure the idjut pays the tab. That's his punishment for being a self-absorbed douchecanoe.
Ever been on a first date where the guy is talking and talking and talking about himself and asking NO questions about you and taking NO real interest in your life, treating you like you're there to be his therapist or sounding-board? And yet, at the end of the date, he proclaims how much he likes you and how "hot and awesome" you are? This was my date last night (who I obviously will not be seeing again).
How do you handle a guy who CANNOT SHUT UP about himself and acts like you're there to be his mother and give him accolades and praise? Is this a guy just wanting to boast and impress the girl, or is he trying to steal the spotlight FROM the girl?
Some guys who talk a lot think I'm so nice and sweet and assume that I want to be their therapist and help them with their life problems (even their woman problems!). They are wrong, I am not that nice. Plus, I don't like dudes who talk a lot anyway.
Some guys who talk a lot think I'm so nice and sweet and assume that I want to be their therapist and help them with their life problems (even their woman problems!). They are wrong, I am not that nice. Plus, I don't like dudes who talk a lot anyway.
I'm not that nice either. I used to be. But the over-compassionate niceness has since exited the building!
Ever been on a first date where the guy is talking and talking and talking about himself and asking NO questions about you and taking NO real interest in your life, treating you like you're there to be his therapist or sounding-board? And yet, at the end of the date, he proclaims how much he likes you and how "hot and awesome" you are? This was my date last night (who I obviously will not be seeing again).
How do you handle a guy who CANNOT SHUT UP about himself and acts like you're there to be his mother and give him accolades and praise? Is this a guy just wanting to boast and impress the girl, or is he trying to steal the spotlight FROM the girl?
It's a possibility that he thought he needed to keep you entertained and keep the conversation going. Moments of silence can be the death knell for guys.
Some women like the guy to take charge and impress them with what they have accomplished and done, show their wares.
Especially if you are the attractive type who easily gets dates, from what I remember, I think you are.
There's a lot of these types of 'catch 22's for guys in dating. If you do, you lose. If you don't you lose.
So, you just pick one and deal with the consequences. Obviously, this guy lost out. If he sticks with the same strategy, maybe he'll get the next one.
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This was my date last night (who I obviously will not be seeing again). 
