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I always liked to avoid giving a card to a potential dating interest, because to me it seemed pretentious. It's like, "Look at me and the cool job I have. Aren't you impressed?"
My card doesn't explain or say my job title. Just my name and contact info. If anything too negative, a girl may perceive it as an easy way for me to 'rake the field' as there's no way for them to tell off the bat how particular I am about giving a girl my contact info.
Thanks everyone, I appreciate your time! Seems opinions on this one are splits down the middle. If anything there's a slight bias against males giving the card when his intentions are to pursue a relationship (of any sort).
Handing out a business card doesn't signal interest in a relationship. You could be seen as friendly and just trying to market your business. If you're interested, you should express it, not hide behind the business card and put the onus on her to contact you instead.
I always liked to avoid giving a card to a potential dating interest, because to me it seemed pretentious. It's like, "Look at me and the cool job I have. Aren't you impressed?"
Not only that, I get turn off by men who hand out cards because of my own experience. I saw men handing out cards to women like kids handing out food to ducks. Okay, that is a strange analogy. But come on, when I get those cards, I thought that I would call him when I need his expertise. I wouldn't think of anything else. It seems so formal and business-like. Not only that, he doesn't even have the nerve to ask me out. And to add to that, when a man gives out cards, I assume that he flirts and give out a lot of them to many other women, so ....I got turn off.
Handing out a business card doesn't signal interest in a relationship. You could be seen as friendly and just trying to market your business. If you're interested, you should express it, not hide behind the business card and put the onus on her to contact you instead.
Hide behind the business card? The card is me and I've stated already it's not a typical business card - it's more a personal info card. It's my name and contact info. The way I see it, if she liked me at all and was interested in more from me, she'd simply text or email anything related to what we were talking about. From that point I would express even more interest. I agree, the card doesn't signal interest in a anything at all, but our brief interaction and chat before certainly did. I just see judging a guy based on so short a time and the method of reaching out to someone so particularly seems petty. I don't know her and she doesn't know me and if they don't look past social stigmas against the cards they're dealt (heh heh) they'll go on that much longer while likely claiming all guys are douche bags. I personally feel that it's a bit corny and maybe too easy to do, but it's so convenient and far from awkward that it seemed worth it. Either way I don't think it's too big a deal.
I don't think the card is necessarily terrible, but you might want to say, "Here is my card. And my cell is on there, I'd love to get together so we can catch up."
That'll make it pretty clear that the card is an avenue to get in touch in a personal way.
I don't think the card is necessarily terrible, but you might want to say, "Here is my card. And my cell is on there, I'd love to get together so we can catch up."
That'll make it pretty clear that the card is an avenue to get in touch in a personal way.
Thanks everyone, I appreciate your time! Seems opinions on this one are splits down the middle. If anything there's a slight bias against males giving the card when his intentions are to pursue a relationship (of any sort).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyesoftheraven
My (is it wishful?) thinking is as follows:
• We chat and flirt for as long as the situation comfortably allows, I give card while expressing interest.
• She contacts me (thus giving me her number and expressing interest in return)
• I reciprocate and take more control by asking her out at that point.
• First date/meetup, is the point where making more particular judgments about intentions and personality is appropriate.
Ignoring someone or not based on how they made initial contact, within reason, seems so petty. We met, there was chemistry on some level so we chatted and flirted and joked. If she likes me more than not at all, she'll text, call, email - something, right? Life could be so simple.
Many women will NOT call a man first. They prefer to do things the old fashioned way and let the guy make the initial call.
If you like someone, you get her number and make the call. Everything else is a fail.
I'm 24 years old. A few days ago, I met a girl at a store who I was very attracted to. While I shopped, she and I engaged in casual chatting and flirting. I was certainly nervous but not so much that'd I feel it was glaring. Within our brief time talking, I learned she had taken the same college courses at the same school as me by coincidence! ~10 minutes later while purchasing my products I said, "Let me give you my card." I thought this felt perfectly appropriate as I now work in the field we were both pursuing. She seemed happy to take my card. Walking out, I looked back to see she was still looking my way, I smiled toward her.
That same day I was at a local theater, where I noticed a girl with her friend. I had recognized her and had a hint of from where, so I approached and explained where I knew her. My nerves were at a minimum -especially outwardly. Turns out it was who I thought and she did remember me. The last time we saw each other was ~7 years ago. She seemed quite happy to hear I'm doing fairly well for myself and to be reacquainted in general. She was however on her way into the theater room, so, I offered my card. She was happy to take it. I said I was really happy to have run into her and hope to talk more soon.
I've left out a lot of details to keep things short for now, feel free to ask for specifics and I'll detail them within reason. I'm concerned that I should have been more (I guess) traditional by simply asking to exchange numbers because it's been a few days and I haven't heard from either of them. I wasn't thinking too much about should I do this or that at the time, was just going with the flow. I felt the card was more convenient and less awkward for the context of these situations, the girl and myself. Note that my card is not a strict business card. I am a freelance camera operator, video editor and writer. It has my name, number, Vimeo and email on the face. It is a nice, artistic custom designed card with photos I took and edited on it. One image for the face (a pretty sunset above a mountain's silhouette) and second for the rear (a very stylized black/white tunnel graphic).
For the girl at the store, I could show stronger interest by visiting the store in a week or so and try again in a more forward, but unobtrusive non-creepy manner. But with the girl who I knew 7 years ago, I'd feel much more regret because If I don't hear from her it would feel more like I blew my one and only chance to pursue any sort of friendship or relationship. I'd appreciate some friendly, light handed opinions. Thanks!
Providing a card after some brief exchange of getting to know someone you have an interest in is indeed a fifty/fifty split. I've done this only a few times. It really depends on context. When I traveled a lot for work in late 90s I'd occasionally meet someone of interest while enjoying the sites (museums/ historical / outdoors venues) in some city or in passing (airport concourse). It really depends on the nature of how you express interest.
I once ran down the steps of Philadelphia Art Museum after meeting a woman and having brief conversation inside, even though she was with another guy (they didn't seem romantic partners) to express verbally how much I'd like to maintain contact (acknowledging her male friend might be her romantic partner) and get to know her and then gave her my business card. It wasn't to impress, as my position title was nothing impressive, it was more a courtesy to let her know who I was and the ability to contact me. She did about two weeks later. She was out of state about 450 miles away.
I did this once with a woman who I first noticed at gate concourse in Denver and then when we got to destination and had brief conversation in Omaha at the luggage carousal pickup gave her my card. Again, same purpose, She called me that evening and we conversed via the phone but my travel schedule and hers did not mesh to meet over coffee.
For the scenarios you describe I see nothing wrong with it - although I would caution you if you are into photography (depending on how your conversation went) it could be perceived with a slight hint of something untoward (i.e. I'd like to photograph you *wink-wink*).
In a local scenario where you are fairly certain you will cross paths again - like the store - I'd be tempted to get as much lighthearted fundamental knowledge about her so when you return you have potential conversation topics. In that situation I would likely not give her my card but then based upon your conversation and being in same fields of study it may give off more a business transaction.
Your second example, if its someone you haven't seen in seven years, I don't see a problem as it seems again based upon the context of your conversation (being on way into the theater) that was the best way to insure there's a chance to resume dialogue outside of stalking her afterwards which to me would be more off putting.
Although in this day and age of young women acculturated to Hollywood 'meet cute' scenarios she might have enjoyed it (if you met her criteria) just so she could say to her friends , "Oh, he's so cute, he chased me down after the movie to make sure he'd be able to see me again"! (insert girlish laughter here with an 'Awww', like when they see a puppy or kitten) - it fits all those rom com scenarios and would give her warm fuzzy feelings about you.
Most important thing is you did reach out in a forthright attempt to continue a dialogue. The key here is you have to realize some women may perceive it as a fishing expedition (one never knows what goes on in a woman's mind) and how she may process the contact (see Kitkat85 & Liberty2011 above). From the way you described it I don't see anything wrong with it. Now its a fifty/fifty. The one at the store I would definitely follow-up on.
Last edited by ciceropolo; 06-16-2014 at 05:33 PM..
Reason: additional
Providing a card after some brief exchange of getting to know someone you have an interest in is indeed a fifty/fifty split. I've done this only a few times. It really depends on context. When I traveled a lot for work in late 90s I'd occasionally meet someone of interest while enjoying the sites (museums/ historical / outdoors venues) in some city or in passing (airport concourse). It really depends on the nature of how you express interest.
I once ran down the steps of Philadelphia Art Museum after meeting a woman and having brief conversation inside, even though she was with another guy (they didn't seem romantic partners) to express verbally how much I'd like to maintain contact (acknowledging her male friend might be her romantic partner) and get to know her and then gave her my business card. It wasn't to impress, as my position title was nothing impressive, it was more a courtesy to let her know who I was and the ability to contact me. She did about two weeks later. She was out of state about 450 miles away.
I did this once with a woman who I first noticed at gate concourse in Denver and then when we got to destination and had brief conversation in Omaha at the luggage carousal pickup gave her my card. Again, same purpose, She called me that evening and we conversed via the phone but my travel schedule and hers did not mesh to meet over coffee.
For the scenarios you describe I see nothing wrong with it - although I would caution you if you are into photography (depending on how your conversation went) it could be perceived with a slight hint of something untoward (i.e. I'd like to photograph you *wink-wink*).
In a local scenario where you are fairly certain you will cross paths again - like the store - I'd be tempted to get as much lighthearted fundamental knowledge about her so when you return you have potential conversation topics. In that situation I would likely not give her my card but then based upon your conversation and being in same fields of study it may give off more a business transaction.
Your second example, if its someone you haven't seen in seven years, I don't see a problem as it seems again based upon the context of your conversation (being on way into the theater) that was the best way to insure there's a chance to resume dialogue outside of stalking her afterwards which to me would be more off putting.
Although in this day and age of young women acculturated to Hollywood 'meet cute' scenarios she might have enjoyed it (if you met her criteria) just so she could say to her friends , "Oh, he's so cute, he chased me down after the movie to make sure he'd be able to see me again"! (insert girlish laughter here with an 'Awww', like when they see a puppy or kitten) - it fits all those rom com scenarios and would give her warm fuzzy feelings about you.
Most important thing is you did reach out in a forthright attempt to continue a dialogue. The key here is you have to realize some women may perceive it as a fishing expedition (one never knows what goes on in a woman's mind) and how she may process the contact. From the way you described it I don't see anything wrong with it. Now its a fifty/fifty. The one at the store I would definitely follow-up on.
haha, you're pretty funny - in a positive, subtle way. Thank you for your thoughts, they're much appreciated!
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^^This^^
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