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Gah. I don't know why I do this to myself. Feeling bored last night, I set up a new OLD account on Match. I started from scratch since some things have changed since my last foray- my hair color for one. I took some decent-ish pictures and slapped a profile up.
Now the area I am in is not heavily populated. I live in a college town, which is the biggest thing going for about a 100-mile radius even though it only has about 70K residents. There aren't many...options, so to speak, online or otherwise, at my age (28). I don't know why but it seems worse than ever. I've tried OLD several times previously and had fairly good luck. Maybe it was the red hair, maybe because I was a couple years younger, but it seemed like the responses I got were from good guys who held real potential. Today I browsed around and felt so utterly underwhelmed.
I don't feel like I'm overly picky either! I won't go for divorced guys, which it seems the majority of guys late 20's - mid 30's are. I won't go for guys that have high school education or less (education is HUGE for me, as is motivation and ambition), and I won't go for guys whose profiles leave much to be desired. I'm talking: major grammar and spelling errors, boring descriptions ("I like to have fun." Okaaaaay. Good to know.. <massive eyeroll> ), and poor photos (Several which were obvs cut in half..but you could still see a woman's hair, or arm). WHY? Are people really this lazy?? And why the photos out with other women? It makes you look like a player, or arrogant, instead of a stud. I bet most women agree too, so I don't get this at all. I would NOT put a picture up of me gallivanting with a bunch of guys with beers, that's not the image I'd want to project. Also too many partying/drinking pictures -by the time you're 30, isn't that a bit.. past your time?
All I ask for is a well-written (hopefully somewhat funny) profile, a couple clear pictures, demonstration of a little drive, and a love of family (and kids- since I have one. I know, single moms aren't popular, but I understand why so I don't blame anyone). Is that too much to hope for? I don't care about height or six pack or income!!
I saw exactly three dudes that fit the bill. One of which, was "self-employed", but, whatever. He had "winked" at me and was really funny, so I sent him a short message, which he read but didn't respond to. Another looked at my profile and indicated no interest. And the last one hasn't been on in three days, so who knows. I know this is only day one but already I feel exhausted LOL. Well I paid for a month so we'll see what happens.
Wow. Let's count the number of things wrong in this post.
1. First, you joined Match.com out of boredom. In my opinion, this is a dumb reason to join. This is one of the many things that gives online dating a bad reputation. The belief that the people online aren't actually serious about meeting someone. Don't join unless you're ready to meet someone.
2. You're underwhelmed by the quality of guys online. Well, where do you think those guys come from? Match.com doesn't create them. They come from the town you're living in. So if you have a problem with the selection of guys online, then I think your real problem is the town you live in.
3. You make a big deal out of a guy cropping a photo. Seriously? Who cares if there was someone standing next to him? And photos with other women makes him seem like a player? Are you kidding me? Maybe they're friends. Did that ever occur to you?
4. You won't go for divorced guys, but want guys to accept that you're a single mom. Hmm.
5. If you're exhausted after just one day, then you must not have any patience, in which case online dating isn't for you.
And they're having real photos with women (cut out or not) is far preferable than "take my own photos", those are almost always a turn off, and a true sign of laziness.
The entire post struck me as a young single mom with a sense of entitlement, actually. I have no idea what you would bring to the table for a young, non-divorced (this is bad, but your having a child isn't?), educated, driven, young male.
I thought so too. The first line got under my skin. The line was "sitting at home bored so I created an online dating profile." To me, dating isn't the focus, but curing boredom is. A hobby will fix that. See what I mean? People's answer to lifes ups and downs is using someone else and online has made that ridiculously easy!
There's the frustration with dating. Too many people are out getting their needs met, while not looking out for the other person. That's how dating has gotten it's bad rap in my generation.
Some interesting responses on here.. some of which are quite rude. Especially seeing as I already pointed out that "I UNDERSTAND why single moms aren't popular, and it's okay." I get that. Just like I'm not really into divorced guys, for my own reasons, some men are not going to be into single moms, for their own reasons. I'm cool with it. But what, I'm supposed to lower my personal standards, simply because I'm a single mom? I'm sure there's women out there that don't mind divorced guys (maybe not most) just like there're guys out there that don't mind single moms (not most). I know, because I have met some, really great ones even, that didn't work out due to timing/circumstances. They sure didn't care, and these people were educated, thoughtful, well-rounded people. This really shouldn't be a part of the conversation, but since it was crudely pointed out several times I guess it needs to be said.
And the pics I was commenting on, seem like pretty common sense stuff- and fairly common complaints by women. A decent guy looking for a serious relationship would not post what was obviously a portrait of him with his ex, with the ex cut off (but not all the way- so you could still see her). Take a more recent picture, it takes two seconds. I don't give two chips if they're selfies (unlike some of the cats on here apparently). Whatever, just so they are recent.
I mean for all the nice guys who complain on forums about spending painstaking hours or whatever crafting perfectly tailored emails to individual women and never hearing a peep- guess what? I always, always respond to them. Even if they are not my type, if they make a decent effort to read my profile, write more than three words, and seem like good people, I write them back. I'm not a jerk, at all. I have a heart. Maybe that's why OLD isn't for me. It just seems like it's gone down hill A LOT since I last used it.
And if having standards = being a "princess" then I guess that's what I am, but that surprises me. I am open to all sorts of backgrounds, races, heights, shapes, income levels, etc. There are a few criteria that are very important for me, and those are what I listed. As for the pics, I mean, if everything is pretty great in a profile, I won't hold poor pic choices against a guy. Typically if a profile is bad though the pic choices are too.
Thank you for those who wished me well; there are understanding souls in these parts, so I'll stick around
And the pics I was commenting on, seem like pretty common sense stuff- and fairly common complaints by women. A decent guy looking for a serious relationship would not post what was obviously a portrait of him with his ex, with the ex cut off (but not all the way- so you could still see her). Take a more recent picture, it takes two seconds. I don't give two chips if they're selfies (unlike some of the cats on here apparently). Whatever, just so they are recent.
Thank you for those who wished me well; there are understanding souls in these parts, so I'll stick around
I had to crop my ex- out of one of my profile pics. He texted me and said "Hey! That's an 1/8th of my head in your pic!" I've never been photogenic and it was a darn good pic, and I'm not going to let my exes head interfere.
Otherwise, I think DennyCrane nailed it.
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Sorry to be harsh, but I agree. How can you discount divorced guys when you have a child? Having a child is WAY more "baggage" than a divorce. You're being way too picky.
I have to agree. I can see if she didn't have kids not dating divorced men. However to me having a kid makes it seem weird. Reminds me of the single dads who contacted me because they refused to date single moms.
Wow. Let's count the number of things wrong in this post.
1. First, you joined Match.com out of boredom. In my opinion, this is a dumb reason to join. This is one of the many things that gives online dating a bad reputation. The belief that the people online aren't actually serious about meeting someone. Don't join unless you're ready to meet someone.
Uh, obviously I am ready to meet someone.. otherwise I would have joined, like, a book club. And personally, the real reason online dating gets such a bad rep is A) that people have a tendency to lie in their profiles, which come first meeting is always a bad moment or B) the tendency of both men and women to do the "fade" rather than being an adult and respectfully addressing their non-interest.
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2. You're underwhelmed by the quality of guys online. Well, where do you think those guys come from? Match.com doesn't create them. They come from the town you're living in. So if you have a problem with the selection of guys online, then I think your real problem is the town you live in.
Yes....I conceded this already...so your point, is...what exactly?
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3. You make a big deal out of a guy cropping a photo. Seriously? Who cares if there was someone standing next to him? And photos with other women makes him seem like a player? Are you kidding me? Maybe they're friends. Did that ever occur to you?
Depends on what kind of image you are trying to project. Some guys will specifically note in the label if a woman or a group is a sister, friends, etc. To me that is being self-aware, not trying to look like a stud.
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4. You won't go for divorced guys, but want guys to accept that you're a single mom. Hmm.
Apples to oranges, personal preferences. I've already addressed this.
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5. If you're exhausted after just one day, then you must not have any patience, in which case online dating isn't for you.
You are right about one thing, then. I am not the most patient person. But I'm working on it and if online dating isn't for me, it's hardly for that reason alone..
I have to agree. I can see if she didn't have kids not dating divorced men. However to me having a kid makes it seem weird. Reminds me of the single dads who contacted me because they refused to date single moms.
Well with the dads not wanting single moms, they probably understand being a single parent, but don't want to add even more kids, as it puts even more strain and trouble on a relationship.
So, I could understand if you're a single parent and already have kids, you may not want more kids to add on--like the Brady Bunch. lol
Last edited by HappyRain; 06-20-2014 at 04:16 PM..
Well with the dads not wanting single moms, they probably understand being a single parent, but don't want to add even more kids, as it puts even more train and trouble on a relationship.
So, I could understand if you're a single parent and already have kids, you may not want more kids to add on--like the Brady Bunch. lol
Or they want someone to help support their kids and be able to be flexible because they couldn't. Anyway you look at it they were being picky contacting someone like me who specifically stated no dads. They are being picky and thinking they can get the same as a childless person.
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