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So one of my friends told me he was sleeping around for a little while. Btw, his girlfriend is best friends with my girlfriend, so it's a little weird for me to know this sensitive information. Anyway, while his girlfriend and mine were shopping me and him were talking about it. What he told me was, "I do it just in case she did it to me". A little juvenile I know, but based on how he speaks about his girlfriend it seems he really loves her and wouldn't want anyone else. He told me he's planning on proposing to her soon and wanting a child in the near future. He's also been helping with her bills and paying off her student loans.
Now I'm not going to tell my girlfriend anything he told me. My thing is if someone trust you enough to share such information with you it's best you keep it between the two of you or take it to your grave. My question is, how many of you have cheated during a relationship that wasn't a marriage? Maybe slept with someone here and there, kissed someone, made out with them etc. How many of you have cheated while dating someone, and how did you feel afterwards?
Really? Sort of preemptive cheating. Better cover all those bases. Now is a multiple amount of cheating equal to one possible cheating instance of hers or is it a 1:1 ratio. In that case she needs to catch up. And does she get to cheat on him when she finds out with no consequences?
That excuse ( and it is an excuse) is there to simply justify his cheating. But hey starting a relationship and possible marriage on a lying cheating foundation is usually pretty strong and lasts a lifetime.
Sounds to me like a I want to have my cake and eat it too option.
If you keep it to yourself and she finds out you will be the bad guy. If you tell you will be the bad guy. Either way it all depends on your own beliefs. Most people won't say anything.
As for me? I have never cheated while in any relationship. Past or present.
Really? Sort of preemptive cheating. Better cover all those bases. Now is a multiple amount of cheating equal to one possible cheating instance of hers or is it a 1:1 ratio. In that case she needs to catch up. And does she get to cheat on him when she finds out with no consequences?
Good point. OP should ask his erstwhile acquaintance-friend this question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson;
Your friend is single. You are either single or you are married. He has not taken any vows in front of God and family. He is a single man and as a single man has the right to do and say whatever he pleases. She is a girlfriend, not a wife. She is not even a financee. She has no rights in this matter. The purpose of having a girlfriend and dating is to determine whether or not a person is suitable for marriage. He (and you for that matter), might have 50 girlfriends before you decide to settle down and marry somebody.
Now, having said that, he should not give her the impression that there is more to this relationship than that. If she wants him to act like a married man, then she should marry him. Otherwise, she should dummy up and you shouldn't worry about other people's business anyway.
Is this the new morality? You're committed to an exclusive relationship with someone, there's mutual agreement on that, but just because you're not married, you're still a free agent? It's ok to risk giving your SO STD's because there's no piece of paper, no ring on anyone's finger? The purpose of dating is to try on as many sizes and styles as you can, simultaneously, and see which fits best?
I hope I don't run into any single women like you in my dating career. Do you have kids, btw? Is this what you teach them?
Is this the new morality? You're committed to an exclusive relationship with someone, there's mutual agreement on that, but just because you're not married, you're still a free agent? It's ok to risk giving your SO STD's because there's no piece of paper, no ring on anyone's finger? The purpose of dating is to try on as many sizes and styles as you can, simultaneously, and see which fits best?
I hope I don't run into any single women like you in my dating career. Do you have kids, btw? Is this what you teach them?
You seem to have misinterpreted my statement. I do not advocate having sex outside of marriage. I advocate spending time with someone, getting to know them and then determining whether or not you wish to make it permanent. If you choose to be exclusive, that is your business but no one has the right to demand exclusivity from another person without a ring and a date. That is simply how it is. Either you are married and have vows or you do not. There is no gray area.
You seem to have misinterpreted my statement. I do not advocate having sex outside of marriage. I advocate spending time with someone, getting to know them and then determining whether or not you wish to make it permanent. If you choose to be exclusive, that is your business but no one has the right to demand exclusivity from another person without a ring and a date. That is simply how it is. Either you are married and have vows or you do not. There is no gray area.
20yrsinBranson
I understand the point you are trying to make
I just don't think it's practical or acceptable to say ONLY married people have rights in a relationship.
If a couple is exclusive, committed to one another and possibly even heading to marriage one day - fidelity should be a part of that.
After all, past behavior is your best indicator of future results.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend can't be faithful during that relationship you wouldn't want to take a chance on marrying them anyway.
The dating/courting period of exclusivity SHOULD be the time you find out just how much loyalty and integrity your beloved has - and that does come BEFORE a ring and a date
You seem to have misinterpreted my statement. I do not advocate having sex outside of marriage. I advocate spending time with someone, getting to know them and then determining whether or not you wish to make it permanent. If you choose to be exclusive, that is your business but no one has the right to demand exclusivity from another person without a ring and a date. That is simply how it is. Either you are married and have vows or you do not. There is no gray area.
20yrsinBranson
You haven't addressed my questions. It's not a matter of rights, but of morality. If you've pledged exclusivity to someone, is it right to blow that off, and do as you please? Would you be ok with that if someone did that to you (if you were single)? Would you tell your kids that's ok, that's how dating works?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains;
If a couple is exclusive, committed to one another and possibly even heading to marriage one day - fidelity should be a part of that.
This. Exclusivity = fidelity. If you've told someone you're being exclusive with them but you do otherwise, you're lying to the person you've lead to believe you're exclusive with. Are lying and deceit ok in your book, Branson? That was my question.
I just don't think it's practical or acceptable to say ONLY married people have rights in a relationship.
If a couple is exclusive, committed to one another and possibly even heading to marriage one day - fidelity should be a part of that.
After all, past behavior is your best indicator of future results.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend can't be faithful during that relationship you wouldn't want to take a chance on marrying them anyway.
The dating/courting period of exclusivity SHOULD be the time you find out just how much loyalty and integrity your beloved has - and that does come BEFORE a ring and a date
I agree.
When a couple decides to date exclusively, a boundary has been set. For me that means no dating outside the relationship.
The only reason we're friends is because my girlfriend and his girlfriend love double dating with us. Although we have mutual interest and we grew up in the same type of neighborhood, I knew there were things I didn't like about him. We don't exactly communicate outside of going on dates with our girlfriends so disassociating myself from him won't be a problem.
Doesn't matter "why" or "how" you are associated with one another.
When a couple decides to date exclusively, a boundary has been set. For me that means no dating outside the relationship.
Honestly, I'm surprised this even came up for discussion. I've never heard of anyone who would think otherwise. Those who cheat when in a committed relationship know they're cheating. They know it's not ok, and that they're deceiving their gf/bf.
Honestly, I'm surprised this even came up for discussion. I've never heard of anyone who would think otherwise. Those who cheat when in a committed relationship know they're cheating. They know it's not ok, and that they're deceiving their gf/bf.
Agreed. Unless it's been established as an open relationship. Like people that practice Polyamory. I think stats were in 2009, 500,000 people + more were into polyamorous relationships. If that's what people want, they need to be upfront about it, rather than going for monogamy to get someone when you have no intention of remaining faithful.
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