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I have no idea what IAC is, but I've said it before because it is true. It isn't my experience or the experience of any of my guy friends. It's really uncommon. Could be location. Could be your profile. Could be it is who you are messaging. You seem to be able to write just fine, so I doubt it is that. But there has to be a reason you were getting such poor response rates.
Well, you can think I'm a piece of crap all you want, or that Phoenix doesn't have eligible partners (news flash: it does), but it's bull. Most every guy I know (not all in PHX, mind you) say the reply rate is awful.
Well, you can think I'm a piece of crap all you want, or that Phoenix doesn't have eligible partners (news flash: it does), but it's bull. Most every guy I know (not all in PHX, mind you) say the reply rate is awful.
Frankly, I think your full of it.
What's constitutes awful? One message a week?
I spoke with men who experienced challenges with OLD, but I didn't inquire about specifics like the response rate or anything.
I know one particular ex had a good experience when he reentered the dating scene after his marriage, but then hit a dry spell for a while after we broke up. My husband said about three messages a week was average for him.
I spoke with men who experienced challenges with OLD, but I didn't inquire about specifics like the response rate or anything.
I know one particular ex had a good experience when he reentered the dating scene after his marriage, but then hit a dry spell for a while after we broke up. My husband said about three messages a week was average for him.
Boarderline no replies is mostly what I hear. I've got a couple of friends that have had only one date off it, or none whatsoever. I'm averaging less than one date a year from OLD. Not really in line with finding that special someone.
I think the problem with online dating is that there's no room for or time for developing a friendship first, and friendship is very important in getting to know someone. There are legitimate things that are unacceptable in someone online. For example, someone who is married and seeking to meet someone else. It's hard to accept someone like that. But for such things as those you mentioned, these might be insignificant if (over time) you realize that the person is actually very nice, and that as you get to know her she is actually pretty wonderful. It's almost impossible to know what a person is really like by some words and a photo. People are made up of millions of factors. Also, most people are not photogenic and look better in person.
In online dating there's no time. There's a pressure to get a date on the basis of little information. That's very different from (for example) running into someone in real life on a regular basis, laughing a bit, and then going your merry way. When that happens, over time, people often end up liking one another and overlook what we might consider "baggage" (for example, a man or a woman having kids). Online dating asks us to make split second decisions, chat online, then meet for coffee and goodbye. Hard to gather knowledge that way.
First, not everyone wants to start off with friendship. Second, there's plenty of time in online dating. Where is this pressure you speak of? I've never felt it. I find it laughable that you would claim online dating requires split second decisions. It's real life that requires split second decisions. If I meet someone on the street, I don't have the luxury of time. I have to make a decision on whether I'm interested in this person not. If I wait too long, she could be gone. Hard to gather knowledge that way.
First, not everyone wants to start off with friendship. Second, there's plenty of time in online dating. Where is this pressure you speak of? I've never felt it. I find it laughable that you would claim online dating requires split second decisions. It's real life that requires split second decisions. If I meet someone on the street, I don't have the luxury of time. I have to make a decision on whether I'm interested in this person not. If I wait too long, she could be gone. Hard to gather knowledge that way.
What do some people want to start with, if not friendship? Sex? Marriage? Hatred? I can't imagine.
Second, the pressure comes from the limited environment of a computer. All you have available is words and pictures. You don't have real life available to you.
As for you not having the luxury of time, that's a problem. Why don't you have any time?
When I did it, I would easily get a few different messages a week from women I wrote too. The difficult part was that the times it ended up on a date, the date just didn't go anywhere. I probably averaged meeting a new person every month online dating and that process got really old. There were some that I had nothing in common with, but there were some that I liked, but they didn't feel the same about me. It's work to keep dating and find joy out of it. You really have to take a laissez faire approach to it all. Emotions have to totally be taken out of it till you can get a leg to stand on.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by variant
Well, you can think I'm a piece of crap all you want, or that Phoenix doesn't have eligible partners (news flash: it does), but it's bull. Most every guy I know (not all in PHX, mind you) say the reply rate is awful.
Frankly, I think your full of it.
I never said, nor implied your a piece of crap. I don't understand your hostility. But you're free to think what you want if it helps.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua
What do some people want to start with, if not friendship? Sex? Marriage? Hatred? I can't imagine.
Second, the pressure comes from the limited environment of a computer. All you have available is words and pictures. You don't have real life available to you.
As for you not having the luxury of time, that's a problem. Why don't you have any time?
Friendship first, I think, may work for some, but not me. I don't have any married friends that were friends with their spouses before they dated. Many of my lovers become friends, but almost never does a friend become a lover.
And most people in this day and age have little time. I've changed my career path so I have significantly more (for less money), but I'm lucky that way.
What do some people want to start with, if not friendship? Sex? Marriage? Hatred? I can't imagine.
Second, the pressure comes from the limited environment of a computer. All you have available is words and pictures. You don't have real life available to you.
As for you not having the luxury of time, that's a problem. Why don't you have any time?
What do some people want to start with, if not friendship? Gee, maybe they just want to start with a simple meeting over drinks or coffee and see if there's any mutual attraction. If there is, they can skip past the friendship part and just start dating. And if there isn't any, they can move on.
Second, how does a computer exert pressure on you? Is there a timer at the bottom of the screen? Does a person's profile come with some sort of expiration date? Will you be charged a late fee if you wait too long to message someone? Words and pictures don't exert pressure. And yes, you do have real life available to you. You message someone, chat for a little bit, and if you're both interested in meeting, you do so.
The reason you may not have time in real life is because the person isn't just standing around doing nothing. I could meet someone in line at Starbucks and strike up a conversation. But maybe she's on her way to work and can't stick around to talk to me. That puts more pressure on me to ask for her number. But before I can do that, I have to learn enough about her to decide if I'm even interested in going out with her. At least if I'm online, I'm not under the gun to get her phone number.
regarding guys who are just looking for sex/hookups: I don't understand why they don't just go to one of those sex finder sites, instead of online dating sites.
bc tons of women on the regular sites give it up with little to no effort
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