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Not false dichotomies. Basing on experience! What else can one go by?
Because he had over 300 and he WAS crazy!
Why wouldn't I feel that way about the next guy I date and he tells me he's had over 300 partners. I'll base it on my past experience with my crazy ex-boyfriend.
Either you didn't mean to type what you just typed, or you don't understand what we're saying. You're emphasizing our point, not contradicting it.
I agree completely that the best lovers tend to have had both long-term and short-term partners, but I have the opposite view regarding teaching/learning and testing/application. I think we learn the most from having many partners (which tends to mean short-term) and then we apply what we've learned to our long-term relationships.
This is good reasoning & opinion. I need to read more male-dominated threads.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nj21
I really don't understand. I'm not a mind-reader or a male.
Um, you need to be neither. It was a false dichotomy you presented. If you're not familiar with the term, that's ok. Lots of people aren't, which is why it is such a common fallacy.
I really don't understand. I'm not a mind-reader or a male.
It's funny you should say that, because stereotypically it is men who are more prone to the fallacy of black-and-white thinking. What you're saying (many partners = automatically undesirable) is far more in line with the typical male viewpoint expressed on this forum than what we're saying.
Yes, one of my college roommates (still good friends) has slept with that many. Just in college she probably slept with 20+ guys a year and she didn't marry until fairly recently (40's). I would hear her in the next room all night long (she was very vocal- lol). She was completely proud of her sexuality - could care less what people thought and I am non-judgmental (had no problem with it unless I had an exam in the morning and had to tell her to keep it down).
I'd often introduce her to my guy friends (even my cousins) from home and then see them at our breakfast table with her the next morning. She is now a happy wife, mom, career woman. She had no hang-ups/psychological problems that I saw - just liked a lot of 'no strings' sex. She had a near death experience in her teens so maybe that contributed to her openness about it.
I also had an ex-bf in college who admitted he had slept with 100's of women. I was paranoid of contracting some latent std from him, so I asked him to keep getting tested (as did I) during our relationship.
These are the only 2 people I've known who admitted those numbers. Everyone else - you could probably count # of partners on one hand.
I wish that were the case. Sexual repression and puritanism damn well SHOULD be frowned upon, but instead are pretty much held up as the ideal among many segments of our population in the U.S.
Ah, but notice: I said "What can be perceived as sexual repression" is frowned upon. And that's my point, people are so on edge about the whole topic they cannot bear to see a somewhat less liberal view. Even if it is not sexual repression or Puritanism, it often gets the label anyway.
And you're right that actual sexual repression and Puritanism should be frowned upon, but I think there are more who do this mislabeling than truly stand for these things. For example, saying that five sexual partners a year is too much (particularly if it goes on for more than one or two years) is not trying to stop the woman (or man) from expressing their sexuality.
And you're right that actual sexual repression and Puritanism should be frowned upon, but I think there are more who do this mislabeling than truly stand for these things.
I understand what you're saying. I just don't agree with you. I realize your viewpoint is quite popular in your state, though, as long as you're not in Austin. It's a very Bible Belt type of mentality. It is "truly stood for" all over the damned place down there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0
For example, saying that five sexual partners a year is too much (particularly if it goes on for more than one or two years) is not trying to stop the woman (or man) from expressing their sexuality.
No, but saying such a low number is "too much" (or that any number of sexual partners is "too much") is clearly expressing the sexually repressed and puritanical worldview to which I'm referring. You're casting judgment upon them even if you're not trying to physically stop them.
I agree completely that the best lovers tend to have had both long-term and short-term partners, but I have the opposite view regarding teaching/learning and testing/application. I think we learn the most from having many partners (which tends to mean short-term) and then we apply what we've learned to our long-term relationships.
If you understand your own body and are open to exploring/communicating/listening to responses of your partner, I think the number of previous partners matters very little. It is like riding a bike. Are you really going to be that much better after 100 more bike trips? Well, maybe the endurance is better - but you can train off the bike for that. Anecdotally, the ex-bf with 100's of partners - not too great. But my long-term SO who has had very few partners - the hottest thing I've ever experienced... But then again, you are adding deep love and complete trust to the mix, which brings the physical experience to a whole other spiritual level.
If you understand your own body and are open to exploring/communicating/listening to responses of your partner, I think the number of previous partners matters very little.It is like riding a bike. Are you really going to be that much better after 100 more bike trips? Well, maybe the endurance is better - but you can train off the bike for that. Anecdotally, the ex-bf with 100's of partners - not too great. But my long-term SO who has had very few partners - the hottest thing I've ever experienced... But then again, you are adding deep love and complete trust to the mix, which brings the physical experience to a whole other spiritual level.
Love does that.
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