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Thank you. A lot of men, I'd even speculate most men who want a relationship, want a peaceful relationship. No drama, no infidelity. I think most men would gladly sacrifice looks for other characteristics. And some of us are lucky enough to get the whole package!
Don't judge a book by its cover. i always wondered how a guy gets horny just by looking at a females face and body. don't you have to make conversation with a female for a long time to see if she is able to arouse you and stimulate you to get in the mood? seriously, if you know nothing at all about a female and you are aroused just by looking at her face and body, that means she is raping you.
The same way I guess woman can get turned on by looking at the male form until he opens his mouth. I wouldn't exactly call it r_pe though, but, some male forms are quite stimulating if you let the mind go there, no conversation necessary. But at the same time if we're talking for something other than to ogle, his mind matters. I have more of a difficult time understanding why there's such a distinction always made between how men and women think when viewing the human form under these circumstances. Now I do understand we do it at different levels, but, none the less, we are capable of having the same responses and many do. I actually remember the first time I realized this for myself some 30 years ago.
I agree with the article when it says to everyone...
"You are valuable.
You are important.
You are interesting.
You are worth loving."
When people refer to others as "beautiful" they don't necessarily mean physically beautiful.
Of course we know not everyone is physically beautiful.
But many physically less appealing folks are indeed "beautiful" people for who they ARE, not for what they look like on the outside.
When I was in HS I knew a guy who was really hard to look at. 4 of us were talking crap one day and we got around to discussing the looks of some girls we knew. The name of a particularly unattractive girl came up and while most of us were busy being dicks, one guy said, sheepishly and as if he was asking our permission, that he was thinking of asking her out. Our little group fell silent just long enough for us to feel like the snarky little ****s we were, and then one guy said "Well, yeah, because we're just being *******s here and we're going to shut TFU now and if you like her you'll never hear another negative word about her from us", and he looked at me and the other guy as if to say "understood" (he was THAT guy) and we all said self deprecating things and somebody turned up the music and we moved on.
What you say is true, lovesMountains. But what Louis CK said in the video is essentially true, also. When two aesthetically challenged people do get together it's not because against all odds they just happened to both have bizarrely eccentric taste and their partner does it for them like no one else. It's because no one else would do it for them. We all see couples whose members literally look past what we can't.
I guess that's harsh, but what saves me from getting all depressed is that many times the people in those couples seem genuinely happy to be together (the guy in my story dated the girl for about 18 months while I entertained myself). On some level they know their partner values relating to a person more than an ideal or an approximation of an ideal, and their partner values them for reasons that the rest of us probably should put higher on our lists of good partner traits, but likely won't.
Apparently some people DO like it, since they choose to stay in that mindset 24/7
Some may. But for others, they don't like the feeling. But they're are easily defeated, and discouraged, so they don't try. It is very sad--having a defeatist attitude. I used to have one, but I am working on fixing it before it's too late.
As for the thread, I just say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." There is no definite answer for what's hot, and what's not. Someone's ugly could be another's hot as hell.
So, most people will have at least someone who's attracted to them--either physically, or their personality. And sometimes if personality is winning enough, looks fall into place too.
So, I guess people find it better to say everyone is beautiful, rather than "you're ugly until proven hot" lol or "you're ugly unless you get with someone/someone hot."
Quite a few people have thought me ugly. But, many guys online have called me hot. So, my looks ya either like or hate. But that's not my fault. Everyone is not attracted to everyone. Some guys I didn't like probably had girlfriends who thought they rocked. One guy who liked me, I didn't like because he seemed weird, and not that smart early on. But that same guy had a bunch of girlfriends. some were ok-looking, some were cute, and some were really pretty.
So, it may be chance. Putting yourself out there where you can be around lots of people, then chances can go up for meeting and finding someone. Some people have looks that attract more people. But that doesn't guarantee there will be a relationship, or a successful one.
Jen Anitson is not ugly, imo. But she has a bad love life. She can have lots of men, but it never leads to marriage. And the one guy she did marry cheated on her and left.
So, looks aren't the be-all and end all for everything. And sometimes don't factor into someone getting that special someone. So, the beauty can be personality as well. Some ma just be average or even unattractive in looks, but have a winning personality that plays part in them attracting lots of suitors.
In reverse, a girl I know of, is very hot, but her personality isn't the best. So, she has 1 man that treats her like trash, others that only want her for sex, and no friends because girls don't like that stuck-on-herself personality she has. But she always says she's a very nice person, and nobody gives her a chance. She sure as hell doesn't act like it. When asking why she had no friends, she says her looks ruin her life because she's so hot. And everyone told her that her looks weren't an issue, but that her personality sucked. lol So, she's nice to look at, but not a winning person.
Star Wars. Princess Lea, I didn't think was that hot, but seems she was made a huge fuss over--I was never a SW fan. Now if she was popular, more than her looks, it was her strong personality--least for the one I am thinking of.
Some people never find that special someone. But maybe it was because they didn't try hard enough. Some do have to try hard as hell, but don't. Sometime personality is just very different or quirky, so finding someone sharing interests is difficult. And sometimes it can be that looks are just so bad people avoid them--as mean as that sounds, sorry.
Everyone is not beautiful. But I mean personality. Some people have eh looks, and a bleh personality. So, that saying is very flawed. I think it was trying to sound polite and optimistic, but it can be taken the wrong way.
Like the phrase "Just be yourself, someone will come." I misunderstood that. But someone explain it in another forum.
Quote:
"Be yourself" doesn't mean "stick to being the same loser forever". I had to wrestle with my fears and deep psychological problems, and win, before starting to date like a normal person. Had to improve my socializing skills too. But this doesn't mean I started playing theater or that I tried to imitate someone else's ways. I focused on becoming a better "me" and did it.
"Just wait" doesn't mean plant your ass on the sofa and wait for the phone to ring. You need to go out there every so and then and keep your eyes open. But these things need a lot of luck, especially if you don't want "just a guy" to go out and have sex.
So yeah, be yourself and wait, not "play dead and keep wishing for a miracle".
So before, I took that saying as a line fed to the losers to make them happy.
Last edited by HappyRain; 06-24-2014 at 09:54 AM..
When I think about things like this, there are so many factors involved it becomes a confusing mess.
I went through an awkward phase when I was like 12 or 13. I was thin and lanky, even my family said I was funny looking. Honestly I think my self esteem was a lot better than it is now. My view on love is that it happens when it happens. There will people who will approach you and there are people you have to apprach. If you really want something go get it.
The fact that so many people I knew thought it was a problem that I had not yet had a relationship, that impacted my self esteem a lot. I don't think I am hideous but I am no model either. It is difficult not to have low confidence when the your attempts at a romance fail. It makes you wonder is it my looks, am I too boring, am I not bringing anything to the table?
I am young and I don't even get out enough to go meet people. I always go to the same places almost everyday and see the same people. I think my issue is I don't meet enough people and that I am afraid of rejection, so even when someone does like me and I like them back, I still can't tell them how I feel. It's really frustrating. I just find it easier to not think about it. I still get quite self conscious, and I often wonder if I will ever be like the happy couples I see almost on a daily basis.
As I said before, I don't believe in destiny or fate in terms of love. People make choices. If you want something go get it.
To put things in perspective, people should also realize this "everyone is beautiful" idea is very much a Western thing, and perhaps only in America. I'm very used to this idea but I did come from a culture where not everyone gets a cookie just for being alive. So I guess the real question is, is it better to sugarcoat everything and allow certain people to be disappointed later in life or just give people the raw truth which may take away people's motivation to rise above their station.
I am posting this here because so often we're told "everyone is beautiful" and "there's someone for everyone" when it comes to dating and relationships. But there are many people whose experiences don't line up with this. They don't get the girl/guy or a girl/guy (a lasting relationship) no matter how hard they try or how good of a person they are. The author of the article argues that not only is everyone not beautiful, just as everyone is not a good musician or artist, but it can give many people a false sense of hope. Also, that it ignores the very reality that exists, that beautiful people have a lot of advantages in life, whether or not they admit it.
To me, beauty has more to do with character than looks. When it comes to looks, it would take a lot for me to use beautiful to describe. I would say fine, hot, or sexy, or pretty. But I have never really seen someone that I would call beautiful just for her looks.
Don't judge a book by its cover. i always wondered how a guy gets horny just by looking at a females face and body. don't you have to make conversation with a female for a long time to see if she is able to arouse you and stimulate you to get in the mood? seriously, if you know nothing at all about a female and you are aroused just by looking at her face and body, that means she is raping you.
Ummm...
I mean no offense, but I wouldn't put it like that. For a lot of reasons. It is a really serious issue that effects a lot of people.
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