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OP, did you notice if he was wearing a wedding band? If he wasn't, you might wonder why a 40-something, good-looking, successful guy isn't married. Or maybe he just takes off his ring for work.
Any sort of licensed professional knows about boundaries and maintaining a professional relationship. That in mind, this story is poorly thought out and bogus. Another one hit wonder.
boundaries boundaries boundaries
Even with no more therapeutic contact he is still crossing the line...
06-25-2014, 01:42 AM
2K5Gx2km
n/a posts
The fact that he asked you out, as your therapist, is the first unprofessional act he did. The fact that your in your 20s and in therapy and he in his 40s is the second problem - you are in the weaker position - and he knows it.
Prediction - you will ignore all the warning signs and go out with him. The fact that this act of his does not raise an eyebrow with you tells me you have know idea what you are getting into - but hey have fun!
Prediction number two - you are going to need more therapy.
So I've been going to this guy for a few months now and he asked me out yesterday. He did say we would have to end our current relationship as it would be unprofessional and he recommended another therapist. We seem to get along great and I really can tell him anything...as my therapist. Who knows if I would be able to tell him anything as a guy I'm dating. Yes I am attracted to him. He's very good looking. He seems very mature and intelligent. One problem is he is in his 40's and I'm in my 20's. Another is that he knows so much about me and there is no mystery so problem. But he says he really likes me and wants to get to know me on a more personal level.
No. Do not.
I dated a guy whom, we were in a similar situation. We shared very intimate details with one another.
Therapists are in a position of power. You've exposed your most vulnerable parts of yourself to him.
He's unethical for taking advantage of his position of power to date you. He knows it. And, is trying to cover his tracks by saying he needs to get rid of you as a client. There's a LEGAL TIME FRAME FOR THAT. He needs to refer you out at this point and not date you due to the conflict of interest.
It's a ethical/moral imperative that could cost him his license. I believe in some or most states 6 years after termination between therapist and the person being seen is the acceptable time frame for dating.
But, in the psychological/counseling field, dating the person you provided professional mental health service to is a HUGE No NO! (And, think about it, if he's doing this w/you, how many other female individuals he's working with is he doing this to? Let alone, colleague?) This is one huge advantage people working in his position have- power/control over your emotions because as individuals he knows your weak spots, which could easily be manipulable. Stay FAR FAR away from this guy. We warn you.
Last edited by kat949; 06-25-2014 at 02:32 AM..
Reason: More 411!!!
So I've been going to this guy for a few months now and he asked me out yesterday. He did say we would have to end our current relationship as it would be unprofessional and he recommended another therapist. We seem to get along great and I really can tell him anything...as my therapist. Who knows if I would be able to tell him anything as a guy I'm dating. Yes I am attracted to him. He's very good looking. He seems very mature and intelligent. One problem is he is in his 40's and I'm in my 20's. Another is that he knows so much about me and there is no mystery so problem. But he says he really likes me and wants to get to know me on a more personal level.
Absolutely not!!!
He's abusing his position of power, and you're young and vulnerable.
It's extremely unethical on his part.
Go right ahead if you want to, but you'll have plenty to discuss with your next therapist, and it won't be pretty.
I sure hope this guy loses his license. Sounds like a repeat offender who never got caught.
And, yes people!! These stories exist!
Authority figures in the field even reprimand and embarrass therapists who do this.
They publish these stories in professional magazines and organizations, providing full-name, place of practice, and full disclosure of therapist's license numbers after penalizing them.
So I've been going to this guy for a few months now and he asked me out yesterday. He did say we would have to end our current relationship as it would be unprofessional and he recommended another therapist. We seem to get along great and I really can tell him anything...as my therapist. Who knows if I would be able to tell him anything as a guy I'm dating. Yes I am attracted to him. He's very good looking. He seems very mature and intelligent. One problem is he is in his 40's and I'm in my 20's. Another is that he knows so much about me and there is no mystery so problem. But he says he really likes me and wants to get to know me on a more personal level.
Yes. Take him up on his offer.
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