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So if the guy disappears because he didn't sleep with you...does it mean that he didn't really like you to begin with and he was just looking for sex?
It's quite possible. Or he did like you, but he likes sex more, so he'd just as soon lose you, then have to wait around for sex.
If it's a serious relationship--and there's no hormonal issues, then sex will come. But some want to build up the relationship and feel love and companionship before sex, as some can't have sex without love, it's not the same, and doesn't feel right. So, if the guy really cares for you, he wouldn't wanna rush, and would love being with you until you';re ready, because he'd want it to be good, not only for him, but you too.
It's not always you personally. Some just don't believe in waiting longer than a certain time for sex, regardless of who it is. So, they like people, but love sex, and they won't compromise that for anyone.
And this isn't just guys. Women do this too. I have seen that happen. Girl I know was dating a virgin, and complaining because he wasn't giving it up. Another girl, same thing. Dating a virgin, and pretty much rushed him into sex, then complained he didn't seem into it.
But for some guys, even if they want sex, and you give it, they'll still leave. Just after having all their fun with you, until you get boring, then they'll go to another girl. Again, not all men. But some, so you have to be careful with just giving out sex, because that can have bad results too.
Anything can be bad when you're doing it with bad people. Waiting, or putting out.
It's not rocket science. He wants you to sleep over so that maybe things will get hot and heavy and you won't be able to resist him, that's why he's asking you to sleep over.
I get that but I feel like no guy ever wants a relationship because they all disappear before I am actually willing to sleep with them. I'm honestly starting to hate all men because all they want is sex! I thought maybe I should start dating older men. I'm 27 so I started dating men who were 35 and up but it was the same thing. I'm starting to think maybe I should just sleep with a guy right away and see how that goes. I'm not purposely withholding sex, I'm just waiting to see if this guy is right for me and he won't just chuck me to the side when he gets what he wants.
Lately I have been having a horrible time dating and I believe it is due to the amount of time I wait to have sex with someone. I'm not someone that can have sex without becoming attached to someone, so I like to take my time and make sure this guy is actually going to stick around. My problem is I can never seem to get past a month before a guy seems to just disappear. I have dated several guys this year whom I was really excited about. Slept over, met their friends, went out of town with them all to have them eventually stop calling. The last guy I was dating I spent everyday with for a week. I slept over his house for 5 days in a row. No we did not have sex. We made out a lot and cuddled. I invited him out with my friends and we had a good time. Anyways when I left his house saturday morning that was the last time I heard from him. We had been dating for 3 weeks before he disappeared on me (hanging out about 3-4 times a week). So my question is for guys:
1. How long do you date a girl before you expect her to sleep with you?
2. Would you ask someone to be your girlfriend before sleeping with them?
3. How do you know if a guy is only spending time with you because he only wants to sleep with you versus wanting a relationship?
If you want guys to stick around, the worst thing you can do is deny them sex.
If you want to have sex, have sex. If you don't, don't. But it sounds like you are trying to figure out how to more effectively use sex (or the lack of it) as a bargaining chip. Any guy who senses you are trying to use your sexuality to manipulate or test him will likely disappear. No one likes to be toyed with.
If you want guys to stick around, the worst thing you can do is deny them sex.
If you want to have sex, have sex. If you don't, don't. But it sounds like you are trying to figure out how to more effectively use sex (or the lack of it) as a bargaining chip. Any guy who senses you are trying to use your sexuality to manipulate or test him will likely disappear. No one likes to be toyed with.
That is not AT ALL true. I can't even enjoy sex unless I actually have feelings for the person. In the past I had sex with someone relatively soon and ended up heart broken and felt like tossed trash. I never want to be in that type of situation again. The reason I didn't have sex right away with this guy is because I didn't know what his intentions were for me (was he just looking for sex?)and I wanted to build up a connection first. 3 dates doesn't work for me. I still don't even know the person.
I get that but I feel like no guy ever wants a relationship because they all disappear before I am actually willing to sleep with them. I'm honestly starting to hate all men because all they want is sex! I thought maybe I should start dating older men. I'm 27 so I started dating men who were 35 and up but it was the same thing. I'm starting to think maybe I should just sleep with a guy right away and see how that goes. I'm not purposely withholding sex, I'm just waiting to see if this guy is right for me and he won't just chuck me to the side when he gets what he wants.
Yes pretty much all men want sex... if they don't then you have bigger problems like him being closet gay or asexual or just very low drive. If you find a man that is paying you a lot of attention and you go out with him on three or four dates, they are going to expect some form of sex or start looking elsewhere.
For an adult with a healthy view of sex, it is not going to matter how soon you have it. Be sure that the chemistry is there first, and that you want to have sex with the guy. What's the point of holding out? I wouldn't recommend doing it on the first date or anything but after a few weeks, if the attraction is really strong... what could it hurt as long as you are using protection? If the guy really likes you he will still respect you and you can continue to build a relationship. I slept with my BF the first night we met... I didn't have any expectations to it but the chemistry was extremely strong and we both really liked each other, and we are still together more than two years later. Not that everything is perfect but I don't think waiting for sex would have made any difference. There's definitely a happy medium and it has everything to do with following your gut instinct.
Yes pretty much all men want sex... if they don't then you have bigger problems like him being closet gay or asexual or just very low drive. If you find a man that is paying you a lot of attention and you go out with him on three or four dates, they are going to expect some form of sex or start looking elsewhere.
For an adult with a healthy view of sex, it is not going to matter how soon you have it. Be sure that the chemistry is there first, and that you want to have sex with the guy. What's the point of holding out? I wouldn't recommend doing it on the first date or anything but after a few weeks, if the attraction is really strong... what could it hurt as long as you are using protection? If the guy really likes you he will still respect you and you can continue to build a relationship. I slept with my BF the first night we met... I didn't have any expectations to it but the chemistry was extremely strong and we both really liked each other, and we are still together more than two years later. Not that everything is perfect but I don't think waiting for sex would have made any difference. There's definitely a happy medium and it has everything to do with following your gut instinct.
Ok...but lets say I go on 2-3 dates a month. If I make it to 3-4 dates with two of these guys...that's like sleeping with 2 guys every month...24 guys a year. Heck...let's say I only want to date one guy at a time...one guy a month...that's still 12 guys a year. I mean that would be insane if I slept with every guy I was dating!!
Ok...but lets say I go on 2-3 dates a month. If I make it to 3-4 dates with two of these guys...that's like sleeping with 2 guys every month...24 guys a year. Heck...let's say I only want to date one guy at a time...one guy a month...that's still 12 guys a year. I mean that would be insane if I slept with every guy I was dating!!
Don't freak yourself out about it. I just meant if you WANT to sleep with a guy, don't hold back for fear of rejection. Enjoy yourself. If you don't want to or have strong doubts, DON'T. It isn't going to ruin a promising relationship if you have sex with them... quite the opposite.
Yes pretty much all men want sex... if they don't then you have bigger problems like him being closet gay or asexual or just very low drive
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