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I don't understand, when you first started dating, you turned to our boys .....how is that possible? Unless it's his boys and you have assumed a mother's role? What a train wreck, you will be much happier dealing with your own babies, instead of getting into fights, because he disagrees with the way you try to parent them...it may not have happened, but guarantee it will. Just save yourself the sleepless nights with your tear filled pillow, and leave him.
Initially, the reason for banning him from the home was silly. We got into an argument back when we first started dating, and during this our boys (3 and 4) started bickering in the back seat. My bf turned to his son and said "don't worry, we won't have to deal with it anymore" I was upset (probably overreacting due to pregnancy hormones at the time) and went home (I lived with my parents at that time). They saw me crying, I told them what happened and from that day on they hated him. I obviously quickly got over it.
Were my parents overreacting to the situation? Or am I just way too forgiving?
Our issues have just snowballed since. It kills him that my parents don't accept him, so, in the beginning, he tried to mend things with them... Going to their house, calling, writing letters. They wouldn't budge. So my bf started retaliating-degrading my parents (to me)... Which caused a lot of fights because I of course didn't take that too well. My parents and I have always been super close.
As I type all this out, I am looking back at our relationship and really realize they are not totally off base. Maybe in the beginning they were, but after everything since, not so much.
But my question is, why can't they forgive him. I did. We broke up for about a month, and since we've been back together our relationship has never been better. We still fight, but it's not nearly what it used to be. They won't even give him a chance...
As for why they won't forgive. Sometimes other feel that the forgiver is blinded by love. I know some people that are always more sad, confused, angry, or disappointed in a relationship than happy. And to me, it always seemed obvious they should leave, and the person was no good. But the one "in love", would just falter in their will, and run right back, hoping for different results, or just not being able to stay away.
And sometimes you hate seeing loved ones unhappy in a relationship that it seems they can't walk away from because they're too "infatuated." Not saying you don't love your boyfriend, but that may be how your parents feel. They you're just overly attached too him, and forgive him too easily when he doesn't deserve it. So, that may be how they're seeing it.
And in some cases, as my pastor says "when you like someone, you justify everything they do." and see them with rose-colored glasses.
Like the saying "love is blind." They are on the outside looking in, with no feelings to cloud them, and to them, he's no good, and they may feel you just don't see it, or turn a blind eye to it.
So, if I have to guess, that's where I think your parents are in relation to you. They don't love this guy, so they don't seem him in the same light you do.
Initially, the reason for banning him from the home was silly. We got into an argument back when we first started dating, and during this our boys (3 and 4) started bickering in the back seat. My bf turned to his son and said "don't worry, we won't have to deal with it anymore" I was upset (probably overreacting due to pregnancy hormones at the time) and went home (I lived with my parents at that time). They saw me crying, I told them what happened and from that day on they hated him. I obviously quickly got over it.
Were my parents overreacting to the situation? Or am I just way too forgiving?
Our issues have just snowballed since. It kills him that my parents don't accept him, so, in the beginning, he tried to mend things with them... Going to their house, calling, writing letters. They wouldn't budge. So my bf started retaliating-degrading my parents (to me)... Which caused a lot of fights because I of course didn't take that too well. My parents and I have always been super close.
As I type all this out, I am looking back at our relationship and really realize they are not totally off base. Maybe in the beginning they were, but after everything since, not so much.
But my question is, why can't they forgive him. I did. We broke up for about a month, and since we've been back together our relationship has never been better. We still fight, but it's not nearly what it used to be. They won't even give him a chance...
They hate him so much, he's banned from their home.
How do I fix this?
Screw what they say and stand up for your man!
Don't bring him over, and they can't meet him.
Until they shape up with their attitude and not be so linear-minded, maybe, MAYBE, THEN, they are allowed to meet him. Other than that, you need to set your boundaries at no holds bar. You're an adult.
On a side note: if he's a druggy, crook, and/or irresponsible jerk, then I can see, and maybe you need to re-evaluate what they're saying and why they are saying it.
I don't understand, when you first started dating, you turned to our boys .....how is that possible? Unless it's his boys and you have assumed a mother's role? What a train wreck, you will be much happier dealing with your own babies, instead of getting into fights, because he disagrees with the way you try to parent them...it may not have happened, but guarantee it will. Just save yourself the sleepless nights with your tear filled pillow, and leave him.
Our boys, as in his son and my son. Not our boys as in biological relation. Sorry, I guess I need to be extra specific.
Until they shape up with their attitude and not be so linear-minded, maybe, MAYBE, THEN, they are allowed to meet him. Other than that, you need to set your boundaries at no holds bar. You're an adult.
On a side note: if he's a druggy, crook, and/or irresponsible jerk, then I can see, and maybe you need to re-evaluate what they're saying and why they are saying it.
Definitely not a druggy, crook, etc. He's a human being that tries.
If you have children together, and you are a couple, why aren't you all living together? Maybe your parents think he isn't committed to your kids or you.
I guess our story is way more complicated than I realized. We don't have children together. I was 5 months pregnant with my daughter when we started dating, so he looks at her like his own because he has raised her since birth.
We did live together, but when we broke up I moved out. We're now back together, but living separately.
Initially, the reason for banning him from the home was silly. We got into an argument back when we first started dating, and during this our boys (3 and 4) started bickering in the back seat. My bf turned to his son and said "don't worry, we won't have to deal with it anymore" I was upset (probably overreacting due to pregnancy hormones at the time) and went home (I lived with my parents at that time). They saw me crying, I told them what happened and from that day on they hated him. I obviously quickly got over it.
Were my parents overreacting to the situation? Or am I just way too forgiving?
Our issues have just snowballed since. It kills him that my parents don't accept him, so, in the beginning, he tried to mend things with them... Going to their house, calling, writing letters. They wouldn't budge. So my bf started retaliating-degrading my parents (to me)... Which caused a lot of fights because I of course didn't take that too well. My parents and I have always been super close.
As I type all this out, I am looking back at our relationship and really realize they are not totally off base. Maybe in the beginning they were, but after everything since, not so much.
But my question is, why can't they forgive him. I did. We broke up for about a month, and since we've been back together our relationship has never been better. We still fight, but it's not nearly what it used to be. They won't even give him a chance...
What is the timeline here? How long ago did this happen?
The bolded--what are you fighting about? Are you saying that you recently got back together? "We still fight", IMO, doesn't equate to "never been better". You shouldn't be fighting, period. If he is your everything and the only silly thing was that petty arguement that your parents are holding over his head, then you need to put your big girl panties on and tell them to get over it and accept him.
And why would he make that comment to his son? How old are you two? Makes sense for 3 and 4 year olds to bicker, but not adults.
We've been back together "seriously" for 5 months.
Our relationship is better than it's ever been... We fight about normal couple stuff most "fight" about.
He was trying to get to me by saying what he said to his son... It was extremely immature, and he knows this. He is genuinely sorry.
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