Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So it wasn't long ago I thought my future was set. I was in arms reach in receiving an advanced business degree and employer interest promising me a great future. The best part of my future was going to be the ability of my gf and Ig to take the next step. Grad school posed a great inconvenience for us bc of lomg distance and we were unable to do things we wanted like get engaged due lack of excess funds, timing, etc. Now the time is come and I have been offered a great position in Tx which I'm thrilled about. While discussing the job to my gf she flipped out. She took me entertaining the job offer as me not choosing to be with her. I was hoping to save money in a great economical setting compared to Cali and propose to her with the ring she'd love. Is that a bad or selfish thing? What makes matters worst is her social circle. She tends to pay too much mind to bitter married, divorced or just single women that tend to always be a negative influence on our relationship if you get my vibe. Anyway my gf says that the relationship was over and that "if I wanted to be with her I would've proposed already" ( I was in grad school) and she "deserves someone who would do anything for her". Now she's completely off the grid to me. I'm giving her space hoping that she comes to her senses but was wondering if I'm being insensitive or is she just being irrational about the whole thing?
You need to express the bolded part to her, and not give her anymore space but to communicate succinctly what you wrote above to HER. Not to us. Tell her, and be very clear.
Maybe you can send in a letter or a card? Preferably a card with a stamp. You've already written a perfectly sweet and honest letter.
You need to express the bolded part to her, and not give her anymore space but to communicate succinctly what you wrote above to HER. Not to us. Tell her, and be very clear.
Maybe you can send in a letter or a card? Preferably a card with a stamp. You've already written a perfectly sweet and honest letter.
Tell her.
Thanks for the input. Unfortunately this isn't the first time she's been unusually extreme about things as most of might anticipate. While discussing the issue with a close friend she informed me that she's probably feeling scare and insecure.Also that I need to give her attention. So I called, emailed, texted expressing my love and commitment to her, even sent flowers yesterday, ( keep in mind I was offered the job on Friday). She has blocked my number and every other method of trying to contact her. And she doesn't have to many friends that and her colleagues who she has little contact with tend to oppose us so no help them trying to reconnect us.
she started dropping hints for rings $10-20K, completely out of my price range. After discussing it to her she believed again "she wished someone would love her enough to do something like that for her". For me, that cut deep and we only resolved the issue by her wanting me to hurry up and finish school and propose when I was better financially.
Well, that changes things.
If that's what she wanted, then I don't know why she is unhappy now.
But do be aware, for future reference, that if you don't propose before asking a gf to move to another state with you, and/or by the end of two years together even without a ring, gf is going to assume you are using her.
Thanks for the input. Unfortunately this isn't the first time she's been unusually extreme about things as most of might anticipate. While discussing the issue with a close friend she informed me that she's probably feeling scare and insecure.Also that I need to give her attention. So I called, emailed, texted expressing my love and commitment to her, even sent flowers yesterday, ( keep in mind I was offered the job on Friday). She has blocked my number and every other method of trying to contact her. And she doesn't have to many friends that and her colleagues who she has little contact with tend to oppose us so no help them trying to reconnect us.
I would leave her alone for now then. Maybe she'll come to her senses, then.
I'd still send a hand-written letter. More personal.
A girl isn't going to get all worked up, scared, and insecure over a guy she doesn't want to be with.
She feels more afraid the more she feels for him. Trust seems to be a hotspot for her. You leaving was her misinterpretation (especially from Cali to Texas) as LDR = No relationship.
Let's face it, long-distance is a huge deal breaker for most, because it's emotionally draining. Maybe you can ask her to move in with you with a pre-engagement ring as your proposal (when the time is right, of course). Or get married by the court.
I get what your saying but 2 things to say about that. The first is engagement rings just don't pop out of thin air. I paid my way through school which truly left me barley surviving at times. I won't be back in a financial state to provide a decent ring till after I take a job and possibly use my sign on bonus. The second, I wanted to propose my after grad school and saved up for it. When trying to get some intell. for a ring she'd like she started dropping hints for rings $10-20K, completely out of my price range. After discussing it to her she believed again "she wished someone would love her enough to do something like that for her". For me, that cut deep and we only resolved the issue by her wanting me to hurry up and finish school and propose when I was better financially.
Im going to give you advice that you can take or leave it....Buy her a cheap engagement ring off ebay......iin 5 years buy her a nice VS1 with a D-E color, keep it within budget.....in another 5 years get her a near perfect B-C color stone.....it's ridiculous for a young couple to spend that kind of money when you first enter the job market. That money would be better suited put into investments and in a few years, buy a new condo.....If she gives you a lot of trouble going the budget way, then you need to seriously reconsider the marriage. If a ring's cost is more important that what it symbolizes, then you either better wait until she matures, or just forget about her. Every guy I know, who spent between 6-15000+ on an engagement ring is divorced, most within the first 5 years. It's a different story, if you have the money, but it sounds like that purchase will pinch you a little bit....and don't do something like get a new credit card, because that type of decision making, isn't healthy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
