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..clearly this man head is not thinking clearly and he is not wrapped too tight right now. I tell him there's no need to debate. Because he doesn't have a marriage anymore. I tell him that right now it just doesn't seem like being married is what he needs, I tell him that he needs time to clean up his baggage. I tell him as hurtful as it sounds, December 26th I'm filing for Legal seperation. I want to start getting my house in order, and that this seperation will be a test not only for me but for him. because at this point I really don't see any type of reconcilitation. But I make exceptions because he's over there and I don't know what he's thinking/feeling, I have been with this man for quite a long time, I'm not a quitter everything deserves at least a chance...But I am filing, and his things will be moved out and into a storage for him to pick up when he comes back stateside...click.....then I spent the rest of the morning laying in the bed with my son and watching TBN.
I think at this point filing is the right thing to do right now.. protect yourself & son.
Did you want the info about seeing if it was him that wrote that email? It very well could have been her.. who knows? Either way, depending on what email program you use, you could probably find out once & for all.
I think at this point filing is the right thing to do right now.. protect yourself & son.
Did you want the info about seeing if it was him that wrote that email? It very well could have been her.. who knows? Either way, depending on what email program you use, you could probably find out once & for all.
My heart goes out to you.
He wrote it. Other than his "confession" there were things in the email only he would know. There were things that needed to be replied to by him only. Plus I've known my husband for almost 10 years, I know him and I know how he writes, the way he speaks. But if if she magically knows everything about me, my family, and our almost 10 year friendship/marriage and did send me that email, I'm glad. What's done in the darker always come to the light.
My personal thought would be ALOT of counseling if thats what he wants BEFORE he moves back in. Sometimes people want to forget the huge betrayal they are quilty of by stepping back into the life without a hiccup and I feel this is insulting.
He wrote it. Other than his "confession" there were things in the email only he would know. There were things that needed to be replied to by him only. Plus I've known my husband for almost 10 years, I know him and I know how he writes, the way he speaks. But if if she magically knows everything about me, my family, and our almost 10 year friendship/marriage and did send me that email, I'm glad. What's done in the darker always come to the light.
Ok, thought I'd offer to tell you how to check.
If you do change your mind, you can DM me.
Again, I would just counsel you not to move too fast...expecially because you have said 2 things at the very beginning of this thread --1) that you are a Christian and 2) that you love him. I think your husband is very confused and very conflicted right now. I think a lot of things will become clearer when he does get back stateside.
I understand the betrayal, anger etc that you must have felt and still be feeling. I would point, however, that your husband is not the first guy (or gal) to get involved with someone else. Trust me, I am NOT making excuses for him. NOT AT ALL. But please, please be aware that sometimes circumstances conspire to aid in falling into these kind of situations...even for people who love their spouses and who have convictions against it. Sometimes it happens to people who would have sworn it never would. Sometimes it happens when circumstances cause us to spend maybe a little too much time with someone we're simpatico with.
If you haven't had a chance to peruse the website I suggested: www.marriagebuilders.com, I would suggest you read the section about infidelity. It's pretty realistic about why and how thise things can happen and how we can ALL posssibly be vulnerable to things we thought we never would.
Again, I am not making excuses for him or for infidelity. I have personally been married many years and I totally believe in the sanctity of marriage. I am just saying that if he is willing to take a second look and possibly reconcile, I think you should try to give him an opportunity to "get his head on straight" when he gets back. And please realize that these things CAN happen to even good marriages if the circumstances are right.
Again, best wishes to you, hon. I know it's tough.
Again, I would just counsel you not to move too fast...expecially because you have said 2 things at the very beginning of this thread --1) that you are a Christian and 2) that you love him. I think your husband is very confused and very conflicted right now. I think a lot of things will become clearer when he does get back stateside.
You are absolutely right and nothing has changed in that right. I love my husband very much and I would do anything for him. I have done much prayer and have even spoken with and counselor and a lawyer. That is why I feel as though I should file for the seperation. Now I am choosing to do that because I don't want to throw him all the way out of my life. I love this man. And I understand that he probably is going through some things and that's why I am willing to stillhold on until he gets back to see where we stand and what can be done to reconcile. But on the otherhand I am also choosing to file because I dont want him thinking he can just run all over me or that I am weak. I am not. I want him to know that I am not playing with him. i am very serious and I can and will file for divorce if I have to. He needs to know that even though he is going through something that gives him no excuse to disrespect me, this marriage or his family. I am his family my son and I are his life. If anything when he is going through something I am the one he is supposed to come to and talk with. I am supposed to be his backbone, the one who gives him strength to go on when everyone has knocked him down. The one who gives him a loving ear, a gentle hand, and a loving kiss. And he is not holding up his end of the bargain. Maybe he needs time to think, or whatever and that's all I am doing. I haven't made a final decisions, I am still trusting God, and waititng to see what the future holds, but at the same time I am lining myself up for whatever happens....one way or the other.
I think you sound like you have your head on straight and you have your act together. "Ignoring it" or "pretending like it didn't happen" just makes things worse in the long run, buried crap always comes to light and it's usually even more rotten then. By taking a serious step, you are sending a serious message, and if he wants to re-commit to his marriage and family and act in ways that show his commitment, and is willing to walk the path it takes to win back your trust, then he is going to have to do some serious work himself. Happy Holidays to you, and best wishes to you during this time. You have my respest and admiration. And you are setting an example for your child of acting with respect for yourself and your family.
I am sorry. It must hurt badly. Not a great Christmas gift.
I am separated and will be divorced this year. May I please recommend an excellent support group. It is for separated or divorced people. It does not mean that you have given up on re-uniting either. I realize had I taken the course prior, I would have never married my husband. It is a program where God is the center of everything. Sometimes we don't make God #1 but give that position to our spouses. That is a very human thing. Please go online and check it out. Also, you can get daily messages by email that are encouraging to the soul. Put it in prayer. Put it in God's hands. Take care.
Again, I would just counsel you not to move too fast...expecially because you have said 2 things at the very beginning of this thread --1) that you are a Christian and 2) that you love him. I think your husband is very confused and very conflicted right now. I think a lot of things will become clearer when he does get back stateside..
Filing papers really doesn't mean much until you go to court to actually dissolve the marriage, she can withdraw at any time. She's very smart to protect herself, especially since she mentioned she will be making a lot more money in the next few months then he is.
As others have mentioned he may be doing this (what he said on the phone) to gain her trust, then he's going to hit her with papers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmcwilliams
You are absolutely right and nothing has changed in that right. I love my husband very much and I would do anything for him. I have done much prayer and have even spoken with and counselor and a lawyer. That is why I feel as though I should file for the seperation. Now I am choosing to do that because I don't want to throw him all the way out of my life. I love this man. And I understand that he probably is going through some things and that's why I am willing to stillhold on until he gets back to see where we stand and what can be done to reconcile. But on the otherhand I am also choosing to file because I dont want him thinking he can just run all over me or that I am weak. I am not. I want him to know that I am not playing with him. i am very serious and I can and will file for divorce if I have to. He needs to know that even though he is going through something that gives him no excuse to disrespect me, this marriage or his family. I am his family my son and I are his life. If anything when he is going through something I am the one he is supposed to come to and talk with. I am supposed to be his backbone, the one who gives him strength to go on when everyone has knocked him down. The one who gives him a loving ear, a gentle hand, and a loving kiss. And he is not holding up his end of the bargain. Maybe he needs time to think, or whatever and that's all I am doing. I haven't made a final decisions, I am still trusting God, and waititng to see what the future holds, but at the same time I am lining myself up for whatever happens....one way or the other.
Your words are very true. I hope that you continue to stay strong through this very tough time. I will be thinking of you, hoping that your strength will continue to help you through this.
I think you sound like you have your head on straight and you have your act together. "Ignoring it" or "pretending like it didn't happen" just makes things worse in the long run, buried crap always comes to light and it's usually even more rotten then. By taking a serious step, you are sending a serious message, and if he wants to re-commit to his marriage and family and act in ways that show his commitment, and is willing to walk the path it takes to win back your trust, then he is going to have to do some serious work himself. Happy Holidays to you, and best wishes to you during this time. You have my respest and admiration. And you are setting an example for your child of acting with respect for yourself and your family.
Thank you I really appreciate you and your wise words...Happy Holidays to you and yours.
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I am sorry
