exceptional hearing wife is very loud

[Ottawa2011]

My mother or father just go into another room and close the door if one of them is making too much noise for the other to tolerate. They have an understanding, that this is what they do. They refuse to shout over the TV, etc., to be heard by the other. They're elderly, and that arrangement works well for them.

[rbohm]

Originally Posted by victimofGM

I have hearing problems. Contrary to what some believe, having hearing problems isn't about volume, it's about clarity. We lose the ability to differentiate the different sounds we're hearing. This is made worse if we've lost the hearing of some frequencies. As men age, we tend to lose the higher frequencies while women tend to lose the lower frequencies. I've worked in the engine room of Navy ships and currently work in the boiler room of a hospital. I've lost more than 50% of my hearing in my left ear due to ear drum replacement surgery and that was once my good ear.

My wife has exceptional hearing. From the bedroom with the door closed, she can hear me open the wrapper on a slice of cheese even with the TV on.

Because of my wife's exceptional hearing, I do things gently. I close the cabinet doors gently, I place my boots on the floor, I place sliverware in the sink, etc. So why is my 4'11" wife so loud? I regularly ask her to not be so loud and she regularly ignores my pleas. She allows the cabinet doors to slam shut, she drops things on the floor (shoes, magazines, bags of groceries, etc), she tosses silverware into the sink, and somehow she manages to even prepare a bowl of salad loudly (bagged cut greens). She was so loud I couldn't even hear what was being said on the TV. I've been diagnosed with PTSD & Aspergers so loud sudden noises makes me jump and puts me on edge. She knows this and does loud things like this without ever stopping to think about what it does to me. Only time she tries to be quiet is when I'm sleeping, unless she's watching football then she's screaming and cursing up a storm.

I don't communicate verbally well. I'm thinking about writing her a letter and leaving it for her to let her know how loud she is sometimes and how such loud noises effects me.

regarding your hearing problem, i know exactly how you feel. i too have hearing issues, after years of working around unmuffled race cars, in the age before hearing protection was widely used, and hanging around gun ranges, again before hearing protection was widely used, some of my hearing is gone out the window. my biggest issue though is hearing overload. i have trained myself to overcome the losses of hearing frequencies, but i tend to hear too much noise as a result, and it is hard for me to pick out particular voices, especially if they are lower than the surrounding noise.

what i recommend is doing what i do, and let your wife know what happens when she gets loud, and be direct but calm.