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Ok so i have been married for 3 years and in a relationship with him for 4. It all started when i was in the shower and came back into the room and he jumped from the computer and we ..... I was very suspicious when he jumped up from the computer when i walked into the bedroom, so i looked at the history and found he was looking at pictures of women right before i came into the bedroom. I confronted him and he said it was to keep him ready for when i came in. I told him how i did not like that at all, and how uncomfortable it made me.
I do not care that he watches porn, i occasionally will watch it with him. The real problem is he watches porn and plays with himself everyday, porn is his first choice when it comes to sex. He also gives me no affection unless he is in the mood. and once the deed is done he is off watching TV or playing on the computer. And recently he was hiding things from me and lying to me so i once again got nosy and looked through his history. This time i found that he was looking at hundreds of pictures of women at a time. There was also a few porn sites that i do not care for that we had discussed he not look at also on his history. I confronted him and he told me he didn't do it he had no idea how they got there and got angry and left for a few hours. Mind you this is his laptop and nobody goes on it other than me.
I eventually got it out of him that it was him who did it. and i thought we had worked it out. I told him i was not ok with him looking at hundreds of pictures of women, a few here in there i cant *****. But dozens i am not ok with. We also talked about certain cites that i was not ok with. Just to clarify these sites are Facebook, because apparently you can get porn pictures from it, Craigslist because you can meet up with these women, and 4 chan because of the first incident i spoke of. I asked him to find other websites since there are thousands of them, and not to have hundreds of pictures of women. Expecially since he is just looking and not playing.
and once again i find that he is lying to me and doing the same stuff. Is this a problem?? Am i supposed to be ok with him doing this? I feel like i am very open about sex and porn, but i also feel like i am being walked all over.
I much prefer to have my wife arouse me than a computer screen. Maybe you can tell him hey honey let me help you with that. Then get him off. Then he can get you off. Then you get off together.
Now if he simply is more into Mary and her five sisters than you and your body he has a problem. No sane man turns down a warm willing woman for a computer screen.
In all seriousness you need to have a talk with him about this.
Guys sometimes do just wanna rub one out but sounds like its a lot more than just release. He could be interested in experimenting with sexual things you are not. Or thinks you are not. Either way communication is key. Because if you let it go like this you won't have a marriage. You'll have two roomates sleeping in the same bed
It's an insidious addiction. It's like many addictions, it takes more and more to get the same "high". He needs help to stop. It's not that he doesn't love you. He has a problem. Is he willing to get help? Do not participate or condone or encourage or allow any. Yes, guys are visual. That doesn't mean it's normal to become addicted to porn. But really? It's what the porn industry is hoping for. Healthy marriage be darned. Show me the money.
Read up on it or start counselling without him. You need to decide if you can live with this guy's faults. That's the key. You figure out what their faults are (we all have them) and decide if you can live with them. (Goes both ways.)
I hope he gets help. I hope your marriage survives.
^OP needs to read this 3 or 4 times and then do some research. Porn industry has some interesting ways of keeping the customers coming back making sure that no one gets bored. Research porn addiction. It is not anything to joke about and like with other addictions, the addicted often end up losing everything, wife, children, job, etc.
It is sad when someone has to watch porn because the real thing doesn't turn them on. I guess when you separate sex from love that it would be a more likely issue not to mention a lack of respect, lack of honesty, lack of love.
There are some real issues that need to be worked out with sharing, affection, communication & controlling.... this seems to be on both sides of the relationship.
#2 Generally men & women have very different attitudes about sex & porn is a common way that men can "blow off steam" without getting into a scene (a young healthy male will want to do it every day, in my experience the woman not so much). When a man prefers porn to a real relationship & when a woman starts forbidding her partner to look at certain sites you have some real issues going on there.
#2 Generally men & women have very different attitudes about sex & porn is a common way that men can "blow off steam" without getting into a scene (a young healthy male will want to do it every day, in my experience the woman not so much). When a man prefers porn to a real relationship & when a woman starts forbidding her partner to look at certain sites you have some real issues going on there.
This is very interesting. This idea that a young healthy male will want sex daily has been resoundingly rejected on C-D several times. (I see you're new here.) The young healthy males here say 2-3 times/wk is enough for them. It's sad for the women who want sex everyday, who post about relationships that started out great, but then the guy's drive fizzled after a year or two, and the women can't fathom what happened. Our male posters say that's normal; after a sex deficit has been assuaged, a young guy's drive settles down to a dull roar of twice/week. That doesn't work for a LOT of young, healthy women.
Because getting off to porn is not remotely the same thing as having sex in the flesh. For a lot of guys, it's just a release, not only of what built up overnight in the ol' doodads, but tension, a bad mood, etc. It has less to do with sex and more to do with the feeling of relaxation afterward. Plus, just like with women, sometimes, ya just don't want to deal with another human or make a big production out of it. You just want to one-two-three then hop in the shower and go to work.
Also, come on. You know better, Ms. Ruth. Wives and girlfriends are for more than sex. You know, love, companionship, a life together?
"doodads"- you cracked me up, and made me think of this:
When i read your post OP, i immediately thought "Sex addiction" thats not hes running out having sex, its any form of sexual activity. Porn can be the beginning and it leads to more.
He needs help. Watching porn CAN be normal but not every day, not when its hurting someone else, nor with lying, anger, etc involved. Thats NOT normal.
....and i will say a guy CAN go without watching porn. It is possible to be fully sexual with only your wife and not need anything else. EVER.
I guess so. Makes for lots of touchy-feely searching for the opening.
"Is that it?" "No! That's my ear!"
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I guess when you separate sex from love that it would be a more likely issue not to mention a lack of respect, lack of honesty, lack of love.
