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Ok so i have been married for 3 years and in a relationship with him for 4. It all started when i was in the shower and came back into the room and he jumped from the computer and we ..... I was very suspicious when he jumped up from the computer when i walked into the bedroom, so i looked at the history and found he was looking at pictures of women right before i came into the bedroom. I confronted him and he said it was to keep him ready for when i came in. I told him how i did not like that at all, and how uncomfortable it made me.
I do not care that he watches porn, i occasionally will watch it with him. The real problem is he watches porn and plays with himself everyday, porn is his first choice when it comes to sex. He also gives me no affection unless he is in the mood. and once the deed is done he is off watching TV or playing on the computer. And recently he was hiding things from me and lying to me so i once again got nosy and looked through his history. This time i found that he was looking at hundreds of pictures of women at a time. There was also a few porn sites that i do not care for that we had discussed he not look at also on his history. I confronted him and he told me he didn't do it he had no idea how they got there and got angry and left for a few hours. Mind you this is his laptop and nobody goes on it other than me.
I eventually got it out of him that it was him who did it. and i thought we had worked it out. I told him i was not ok with him looking at hundreds of pictures of women, a few here in there i cant *****. But dozens i am not ok with. We also talked about certain cites that i was not ok with. Just to clarify these sites are Facebook, because apparently you can get porn pictures from it, Craigslist because you can meet up with these women, and 4 chan because of the first incident i spoke of. I asked him to find other websites since there are thousands of them, and not to have hundreds of pictures of women. Expecially since he is just looking and not playing.
and once again i find that he is lying to me and doing the same stuff. Is this a problem?? Am i supposed to be ok with him doing this? I feel like i am very open about sex and porn, but i also feel like i am being walked all over.
I don't know you or your husband. Things could be worse than you're telling us or you could be making it sound worse than it really is.
However I can tell you this, I read a book that basically said, if you want something out of your marriage it starts with you. You want more affection, you start by giving it to him. You want more communication you start by communicating more with him. Then go from there.
The porn thing, some people say it's not big deal and others will say its a marriage murderer. Don't listen to anyone here, you have a problem with it than it's a problem in your marriage. You need to deal with it with your husband.
Maybe you just don't do it for him.I have two brothers both watch it.Sister in law watches it with him. (Yes my sister in law tells me too much, ewwww!)
Heck many women or men invision someone else while having sex.The wife or the husband is annoying pita after years of marriage. Nagging, controling, bossy, nitpicking,demeaning and never happy.Who wants to do that? Lol
Maybe Yall should make some of your own personal sex videos to keep private. Me and my girl enjoy it very much. EVen if ya don't ever watch them and delete still is a lot of fun imo.
Really can't relate to him tho lol. Never had much use for pornography when in a relationship lol. He's got some weird fetish stuff going on.
Last edited by Tr3vWsh; 06-29-2014 at 06:20 AM..
Reason: didnt finish thought
Maybe Yall should make some of your own personal sex videos to keep private. Me and my girl enjoy it very much. EVen if ya don't ever watch them and delete still is a lot of fun imo.
Really can't relate to him tho lol. Never had much use for pornography when in a relationship lol. He's got some weird fetish stuff going on.
transdimensionalhottie
So many women would be fine with their husbands masturbating as long as porn isn't involved.
I would not be fine.
You are living in a fantasy world if you truly believe this. This isn't a snark either, I genuinely feel sorry for you because of the level of not being able to share with one's life partner one's deepest feelings & desires. Sad.... (and by sharing I mean listening to him, not staying in denial & wanting to control his sexuality about this specific issue)
Of course there are men who are genuinely asexual or who have a very low testosterone level to begin with (which hormone is what this thread is really about & we didn't get to choose how much or if we want it, we just choose to stay faithful to our partner by occasionally taking matters in hand or we decide to cheat) & if this is the case I withdraw the above observation.
Congrats OP, you married a normal man. Hey, be glad you didn't see he was looking at chix with dicks or other men. But I wish you luck on your journey to castrate your guy.
Look, porn isn't going anywhere, and most men consume it. It is what it is. Ask yourself why he is lying about it, why he is hiding it. There's the real issue.
This is very interesting. This idea that a young healthy male will want sex daily has been resoundingly rejected on C-D several times. (I see you're new here.) The young healthy males here say 2-3 times/wk is enough for them. It's sad for the women who want sex everyday, who post about relationships that started out great, but then the guy's drive fizzled after a year or two, and the women can't fathom what happened. Our male posters say that's normal; after a sex deficit has been assuaged, a young guy's drive settles down to a dull roar of twice/week. That doesn't work for a LOT of young, healthy women.
I must have missed the threads where this was discussed. Otherwise my input would no doubt have skewed the average in an upward direction. I could go multiple times daily. I have never had a partner whose sex drive was remotely close to my own. I've had partners who boasted they had a high drive but they couldn't keep up. Not a knock on women; I think my respect for them is well documented here. And I realize my experiences may not be definitive for all men and women, but I'll trust my own experiences over a few random posters.
As for the actual subject of this thread, OP's bigger problem is the lying. She already is pretty inclusive by not spazzing out over the use of the porn. She is asking for some restrictions and expressed concern over his preference for porn over the real thing. I don't know her or her husband, but I can see this as a legitimate concern especially if she is making herself available to him on a regular basis. If she is holding out I think it is natural for most men to seek alternatives. But either way, the biggest issue is the husband lying about his use of porn. The other issues (or potential issues) can be solved with better communication and mutual respect. Lying...that's a major character flaw.
I must have missed the threads where this was discussed. Otherwise my input would no doubt have skewed the average in an upward direction. I could go multiple times daily.
♥ This is what I consider normal. I don't know where you were for those threads, but there were no countervailing voices at all.
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