Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Get mama cat spayed, along with any of the kittens which are kept. Shut down the kitten factory and eliminate further potential abuse victims. Ideally, give away ALL the pets, since they are not safe with this child and there is no evidence that he's likely to change soon, given his mother's lenience and his past and present behavior. No doubt he'll cry and whine at losing the pets - too bad,
he needs some consequences - and the cats need to be safe from abuse.
Again, how old is this child? Abusing animals is something which needs to be stopped, pronto, and is often a sign of severe emotional disturbance. Your description of this boy grinding a kitten's face into a surface indicates far more than just holding a kitten too tightly - it's deliberate cruelty. His other behaviors sound like they're expressing a lot of anger and defiance, mostly directed toward his mother.
It sounds as if the boy's mother is way too lenient and inconsistent with him, but again, as you're not his parent, you are not in a position to do much more than back her up (although certainly you should protectthe cats and any smaller children from being victimized and abused by this boy). I agree the counseling is badly needed here. Meanwhile, some good books on child development and responsible discipline might be helpful.
Abusing animals at a young age is a strong indicator of very serious future problems. Again it may depend on his age, a two year old may not understand and realize that he is too rough and hurting an animal. An older four year old or a five year old is generally old enough to understand it.
If this child is elementary age, six and above, and is treating animals that way, frankly, I would suggest that the child and mother get counseling, now. Is the child in a special education program at school? Unless, this child has a lot of help, and soon, it could be a much worse situation for everyone.
If you were my brother or son I would suggest that you leave and never look back. Since you are not the biological father you do have the option of leaving.
Well, if you think you have a right to discipline this little terror, then do it. If the kids wants something from you, tell him no. NO treat, bike ride, whatever. Move out since you two can't parent cohesively together. And take the cats with you.
You're in for a messy future with this kid. Take the cats and get out.
Did I mention you need to take the cats and get out?
Last edited by Jaded; 06-30-2014 at 11:34 PM..
Reason: Personal attacks and inappropriate remarks
The OP never said the child had ADHD. He mentioned a "mild" case of ADD. I wonder if it's been diagnosed by a doctor.
Actually, the biking would be helpful there, and shouldn't be taken away for discipline.
But, again, the kittens deserve to be safe from this child.
Yes, I saw that the OP wrote mild ADD, but it certainly sounds like ADHD. I thought maybe there was a typo based on the description of the child's behavior. It doesn't sound exactly mild either. Sometimes moms just have a hard time accepting that their children have ADD, ADHD, or other disorders. Also, sometimes it's good to get a second opinion.
I agree with the biking for this child, as long as he is with an adult. Sounds like he needs to burn off some energy.
My parents are divorced. One of the bigger reasons they divorced was conflicts in how to raise me and my sister. My mom was quick to punish us for even the slightest, and often most petty or unreasonable "issues". ex. You didn't take the trash out by 5PM? You are grounded for a week! My dad thought my mom was too strict (which she was), and would remove the punishments my mother placed on us for stupid stuff we did.
While my mom's discipline of us was often quite extreme and unreasonable, my dad's disagreement with this led to a ton of fights between the two of them and tore them apart from one another. Like some others have said, it is extremely important to get on the same page and if you need to take counseling classes to do that, so be it. You must share a common parenting style and if you both have to compromise in the middle, so be it. Different parenting styles are only going to lead to conflict.
They have small kittens that he plays too rough with and ignores us when told to be gentle. His mom ordered him to give her a kitten that he was beating on, but he ignored. She pulled it away but within moments he was back to playing with the kitten.
Sunday morning he violently grabbed a kitten by the neck, shoving its face into the floor.
First off, get the poor kittens out of the house. Then, decide if this kid's behavior is a dealbreaker, because it won't get any better; it will only get worse. Trust me. A mom that knows her kid has issues, but won't do anything about it, has issues herself. Get out now. And take the cats.
Her parenting style is not likely to change. Nobody is listening to you and they're not your kids.
Get out and go find a different girlfriend. It's rather unlikely that any of that is going to change. All of the advice above is great and all but it all ignores that she's not a good parent and you're going to be stuck in this situation for a long, long time.
Go find someone better.
Quote:
give those kittens away to a nice family that wouldn't harm them. Then get the boy evaluated.
They're not his kittens. It's not his kid. None of what you said is going to happen, period.
Her parenting style is not likely to change. Nobody is listening to you and they're not your kids.
Get out and go find a different girlfriend. It's rather unlikely that any of that is going to change. All of the advice above is great and all but it all ignores that she's not a good parent and you're going to be stuck in this situation for a long, long time.
Go find someone better.
They're not his kittens. It's not his kid. None of what you said is going to happen, period.
He may not be able to do anything about the boy, but to do nothing in the face of animal abuse is equivalent to being an animal abuser. He has the responsibility of taking these kittens to the Humane Society, if another placement cannot be found.
There are laws in place concerning animal abuse, and in many places, anyone and everyone is considered a mandated reporter, just as with child abuse and neglect. Such laws vary from place to place, so it's impossible to say just what the OP's legal responsibility is - but his ethical and moral responsibilities are clear. Get those kittens out of the house and away from this disturbed child's torture.
You are not the first or only live in boyfriend who has come on here complaining about behavior of GF kids. And most of the time we say you have no business disciplining this kid. Like Mattie Said.
We don't know if you are live in BF #2 or #22 and the kid just may be sick and tired of men telling him what to do. We do know other son was with his Dad for the weekend. Why not both boys? Do they have the same Dad? If so he may have been acting out cause his brother got to spend time with Dad but he didn't. If two different Dads...well...what does that tell you? please don't make that 3 kids with different Dads living in the same house.
You may balk at this but kids know or can sense when a live in partner is serious and going to be a real part of their lives. They can become incredibly clingy to their custodial parent or mean and crabby to the live in partner. They resent sharing their bio parent.Especially if it doesn't look like he will hang around. That is understandable.
Regardless this relationship does not look good for any of the parties involved. Mom is too weak a disciplinarian for god knows what reasons but many times it is guilt over the kid being with a single parent but it may simply be a matter of that parent not knowing how to discipline.
AND PLEASE KNOW THAT DISCIPLINE DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN PUNISHMENT.
The fact she got started at classes is good but since she let it drop she is saying it isn't a priority to her and therefore harmony in the home isn't a priority to her either. What we do know for sure is this IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE WITHOUT CONCERTED EFFORT ON HER PART. How she chooses to include YOU in this is another matter but children growing up with live in partners rarely works out.
The next thing is the cats.
If I saw this in my neighborhood I would call Child Protective Services as well as Animal Control. Both the kid and the pets need intervention and fines from Animal Control can be pretty steep even if it is a child doing the damage. Get all the pets away from this child - leaving them there is just not right regardless of who owns them- and get him the help he is so crying out for. The longer you wait the worse it will be.
As a way to give her a peaceful evening and modestly punish her son, I asked if she wanted to drop him off with his brother, who was staying the weekend at his dad's.
I didn't really notice this before. Why was one child with dad and this one was not? Perhaps he is acting out because his bio-dad favors his brother?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Child Discipline
