OKC: Do I not communicate "enough"? (dating, guys, attractive)

[chellemi808]

I have recently started to check out the online dating scene. I made a profile on OKC and have been communicating with a few guys who seem interesting. I don't spend a lot of time online in general, but do try to log on once or twice a day to keep the conversation going.

There is one guy who seems really bothered that I don't communicate more frequently. After a few days of back and forth conversation (questions about interests/hobbies, etc.), he said, "I am having trouble keeping the conversation flowing with you." He seemed to imply that the issue is that I am not online more frequently to banter back and forth with all day long. I told him I am not online much during the day when I am working and he seemed okay with that reason. Now, a few days later, he says he doesn't want to talk anymore because I wasn't online at all yesterday.

This has me wondering, am I a poor online dater because I am not more available to talk back and forth all day long, or is he impatient and has an unusual expectation about how much I should be available?

I can see wanting/expecting more frequency if we had already met or were dating, as that would obviously be important to move things forward, but is it a reasonable expectation in the very initial few days of online contact?

I really want to know if I am being unreasonable with the limited amount of time I am online... maybe online dating won't work for me?

None of the other guys I have been commincating with seem to have a problem with the frequency. And to be honest, I think the lack of communication flow issue has more to do with him only replying with short answers and not even responding to all of the question in my messages. I feel like I am pulling teeth just to find outmore about him. Of course it is certainly possible he is feeling the same way about me based on my response time.

Just to clarify, if I went out with someone and we were both interested in dating, I would certainly he available to chat by text or on the phone much more frequently. I just don't use the internet (web) much at all during the day.

[Metaphysique]

Perhaps he interprets a lack of communication with a lack of interest? First, how old are you, and how old is he?

I've done OLD, have met every significant other via online, and the majority I met on OKC, including my husband. When I was more casual with it my attitude and communication style reflected that. I was simply getting a feel for the dynamics and scene, and interacting with different people. However, when I came across someone interesting and worth getting to know then I made sure to invest more time in communicating with said person. It never felt like a chore to do so, either. When I wasn't interested, I wasn't interested. I simply didn't engage with the person for very long and the communication would eventually peter out. That's typically how it goes. If you're not getting a good vibe with the exchanges you are having, then it could mean you're not interested.

Are you actually interested in this guy? You're still doing the messaging thing via OKC after a few days, right? That hasn't been my M.O. with those I was actually interested in. If there seemed to be genuine interest, even friendship, then it moved from OKC to texting/talking often the same day/night. Heck, whenever possible I feel it is best to meet in person within a few days, if schedules allow for that.

Do you know what it is you're looking for? I take it you're new to OLD.

[chellemi808]

Thank you for your response. I am new to OLD, so it really helps to hear how things are expected to go.

I am 39 and he is 40. I was interested in him, but now I am not. Lol.

It sounds like I need to "step it up" sooner if I find someone else that really interests me.

Thanks!

[Prince_Frog]

I don't see an issue. You communicate how often you want to. You have no obligation to message someone immediately after someone messages you.

lol. Attractive people dating issus.