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How do all these people end up getting serious with people who have no jobs/careers/goals?
If I lost my job I wouldn't even look at the other gender until I was back on my feet!
Life really isn't that difficult.
Anyway, I'd tell him to shape up.. Basically, show him this thread or tell him what you wrote
Why doesn't your boyfriend have a job? I can understand why you're feeling resentful if he's sitting around all day while you support him. Especially if he hasn't had a job in awhile and isn't making serious effort to find one. However, I never really understood dating a break in a dating relationship. The things you are saying about him seem like you are just over this relationship and want to be single. What is it that you want from a break? Do you think while on a break your boyfriend will get a job and stop getting on your nerves? Breaks are also an opportunity for hurt feelings. What are the rules of the break? Can you see other people? Remember Ross and Rachel? We were on a break!!
I think you need to have an honest discussion with yourself. Do you want to try to fix things? Or do you want to take a break and if you really want a break, then in my opinion you just need to break UP. Either way you need to have an honest discussion with your boyfriend where you either break up or you need to lay down exactly why you're unhappy and work together to try to see if you can fix things.
For what it's worth, it's okay if you want to break up. You shouldn't feel guilty. Sometimes things don't work out even if your boyfriend is a good guy at heart. You're young and this relationship may just have run its course.
Why don't you have time to yourself? Why don't you go out with friends?
Are you still to injured from the accident, and unable to leave the house on your own or for nonessential stuff?
If not -- just do it. He doesn't need to move out.
It would be good to talk to him, tell him that you know some people don't need space alone and some do, and you are the second kind, and it doesn't mean you are mad or anything. Then go out! Have lunch with your friends, or by yourself. Go shopping or hiking or whatever you like to do.
There's no law that says if you live with a bf you have to be with him 24/7. Most people don't do that.
For sleeping alone, if you feel it will be too controversial you could tell a white lie and say you need to do it for your healing . Just make sure to emphasise that you still want to have sex with him just as often as you have been, because, many people, that is the first place their mind goes -- separate beds = no sex. Don't let him think that for a minute unless it is what you mean.
Try all this out for a while before you decide whether to break up with him or not. To me, it sounds like you are really not sure if it is him, or the 24/7 thing that is bugging you. I would go insane without time to myself every day -- you are not weird
Rather than just getting rid of him, you need to put the ball in his court and let him check out and/or think that he is. It will enable you to walk away and/or get some space without feeling guilty about it.
To start. Get a Trac Fone or other prepaid phone with some minutes. Then type that number into your contact list with a guys name. Then send yourself texts from that phone as if they are coming from a guy you are cheating on your boyfriend with (and respond to them). Accidently leave your phone out after getting your boyfriend suspicious for a few days: he will ultimately look at it and see the texts.
Have that combined with going out a few nights 'with the girls' but do not answer your phone and be vague about where you were. Stay out all night at least twice and then get defensive when he asks what is going on.
Once he is certain that you might be cheating, he will at the least start giving you some space and/or check out of the relationship completely.
Rather than just getting rid of him, you need to put the ball in his court and let him check out and/or think that he is. It will enable you to walk away and/or get some space without feeling guilty about it.
To start. Get a Trac Fone or other prepaid phone with some minutes. Then type that number into your contact list with a guys name. Then send yourself texts from that phone as if they are coming from a guy you are cheating on your boyfriend with (and respond to them). Accidently leave your phone out after getting your boyfriend suspicious for a few days: he will ultimately look at it and see the texts.
Have that combined with going out a few nights 'with the girls' but do not answer your phone and be vague about where you were. Stay out all night at least twice and then get defensive when he asks what is going on.
Once he is certain that you might be cheating, he will at the least start giving you some space and/or check out of the relationship completely.
Sky, you are a fu*cking genius
I love the way you think, lol
Rather than just getting rid of him, you need to put the ball in his court and let him check out and/or think that he is. It will enable you to walk away and/or get some space without feeling guilty about it.
To start. Get a Trac Fone or other prepaid phone with some minutes. Then type that number into your contact list with a guys name. Then send yourself texts from that phone as if they are coming from a guy you are cheating on your boyfriend with (and respond to them). Accidently leave your phone out after getting your boyfriend suspicious for a few days: he will ultimately look at it and see the texts.
Have that combined with going out a few nights 'with the girls' but do not answer your phone and be vague about where you were. Stay out all night at least twice and then get defensive when he asks what is going on.
Once he is certain that you might be cheating, he will at the least start giving you some space and/or check out of the relationship completely.
Wow, this is truly evil genius material...
OP, though really, figure out what you want before you proceed with this "need my space" chat. He's not going to take it well, and he's going to feel especially unappreciated since he just nursed you back to health.
Rather than just getting rid of him, you need to put the ball in his court and let him check out and/or think that he is. It will enable you to walk away and/or get some space without feeling guilty about it.
To start. Get a Trac Fone or other prepaid phone with some minutes. Then type that number into your contact list with a guys name. Then send yourself texts from that phone as if they are coming from a guy you are cheating on your boyfriend with (and respond to them). Accidently leave your phone out after getting your boyfriend suspicious for a few days: he will ultimately look at it and see the texts.
Have that combined with going out a few nights 'with the girls' but do not answer your phone and be vague about where you were. Stay out all night at least twice and then get defensive when he asks what is going on.
Once he is certain that you might be cheating, he will at the least start giving you some space and/or check out of the relationship completely.
But, what if the guy flips out because he thinks she is cheating on him and becomes violent with her. Especially after helping nurse her back to health so to speak. He may be thinking how dare you, after all I done for you after the accident. You never really know how someone will really act in that situation. Just have an honest sit down chat with him and express your true feelings about needing your space with the alternative being a break from each other.
How do all these people end up getting serious with people who have no jobs/careers/goals?
If I lost my job I wouldn't even look at the other gender until I was back on my feet!
Life really isn't that difficult.
Anyway, I'd tell him to shape up.. Basically, show him this thread or tell him what you wrote
We've been together for a few years. We moved 1100 miles away from our families and we've lived together for a few years too.
He's has a job since we moved out here but he's just been unemployed since Easter. We only have one car and it's mine and apparently he's above walking to work even though he's made me walk to several jobs over the years while he took the car to go to his job that wasn't in town.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
Why don't you have time to yourself? Why don't you go out with friends?
Are you still to injured from the accident, and unable to leave the house on your own or for nonessential stuff?
If not -- just do it. He doesn't need to move out.
It would be good to talk to him, tell him that you know some people don't need space alone and some do, and you are the second kind, and it doesn't mean you are mad or anything. Then go out! Have lunch with your friends, or by yourself. Go shopping or hiking or whatever you like to do.
There's no law that says if you live with a bf you have to be with him 24/7. Most people don't do that.
For sleeping alone, if you feel it will be too controversial you could tell a white lie and say you need to do it for your healing . Just make sure to emphasise that you still want to have sex with him just as often as you have been, because, many people, that is the first place their mind goes -- separate beds = no sex. Don't let him think that for a minute unless it is what you mean.
Try all this out for a while before you decide whether to break up with him or not. To me, it sounds like you are really not sure if it is him, or the 24/7 thing that is bugging you. I would go insane without time to myself every day -- you are not weird
We haven't had sex in 2 1/2 months. It had been a minute before the accident to begin with and I wasn't medically cleared to have sex for the past 6 weeks and now I am cleared but we still haven't I'm angry at him. He's been so mean and doesn't try to show empathy for what I'm going through still.
Trust me, I want to but not with him right now he doesn't deserve it from me I work way too hard at everything I do and he doesn't appreciate it.
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. Just make sure to emphasise that you still want to have sex with him just as often as you have been, because, many people, that is the first place their mind goes -- separate beds = no sex. Don't let him think that for a minute unless it is what you mean.
