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I was always under the impression (from having it hammered into my head from men) that men don't really talk to women just for attention alone. They talk to women because they want something from them. So, now I'm wondering why men would bother with catfishing a woman?
On the dating site, this happened to me a lot. 4/5 attractive men who contacted to me first were misrepresenting themselves - mostly about how they looked. It made me wonder a) Why do they do it? and b) What was it about me that made them seek ME out to do it to?
But don't they realize that sooner or later when you meet, the other person will be angry?
It's not just men who do this. Women usually lie about their weight the most in online dating. Men usually lie the most about their height and possibly age/job.
When I think of "catfishing" I think of an actual completely fake Manti T'eo type of situation where the person is completely fictious.
What you are referring to is just small 'lies'. I suppose it comes with online dating. I don't lie about myself, but I know several guys who usually overstate their height by 3-4".
But don't they realize that sooner or later when you meet, the other person will be angry?
I think the catfish is living in the moment, just with anything else in life that makes you feel good. You've got this good thing going, a great guy or girl talking to you, grooving on you, and you may otherwise not have that in your life and then they come along and it just feels so good, so they keep it up.
Then reality hits when they have to meet the guy or girl in person and they realize how far they took it and how many hours/weeks/months they "wasted" of that person's life. But they were just feeding their own ego so they just put all that on the back burner in their mind.
But don't they realize that sooner or later when you meet, the other person will be angry?
I think it is pointless to lie b/c at some point you will eventually see the other person unless you have no intent on ever meeting the person. I read once a story where a women went to meet a guy she met online. He got there early and they met at a bar. After the date, she found out he was really short. He had arrived early and gotten a taller bar stool and she didn't notice until the end.
Some men may think "oh well if I lie. If I didn't lie then she'd never have went on a date with me anyway. So if I do lie and she's mad and I don't see her again then I'm no worse off."
Which is true, but you waste the person's time and it is a selfish stance. I know I wouldn't want someone doing that to me.
Hm. I don't think I'm attractive enough to get catfished. I've mostly encountered very honest men in my Internet dating adventures - the only guy who really lied was a dude who was still living with his ex-wife, who wasn't even really his ex. And he was up front about that on the actual date. He didn't lie about his looks or his occupation or anything like that. But that was also the dude who picked his teeth with a safety pin at the table.
Shockingly, there was no second date :-/
But that was really the only major deception I've run into. But my profile is also brutally honest.
There are quite a few gorgeous women out there, even more good looking and tons of quality average ones.
There are a less men in those categories. But men, even if insecure, think their number is much higher than
a corresponding women might. So even in the guy thinks he needs to misrepresent himself, there is a part of him
that (1) knows that women have to date down (2) that women, at least supposedly, aren't as unforgiving about looks as men and (3) thinks his number is higher than it is (on a scale of 1-10) and so statistically they might find that woman who either doesn't care about looks or is so insecure they will respond anyway.
It's so that you can get to know each other's personality before and then upon meeting up, if you don't like what you see, they can try to guilt trip you and call you shallow and how you guys got along before seeing the real him. I suspect that may work better on girls because in my experience, girls have done things before just because they felt bad.
There are quite a few gorgeous women out there, even more good looking and tons of quality average ones.
There are a less men in those categories. But men, even if insecure, think their number is much higher than
a corresponding women might. So even in the guy thinks he needs to misrepresent himself, there is a part of him
that (1) knows that women have to date down (2) that women, at least supposedly, aren't as unforgiving about looks as men and (3) thinks his number is higher than it is (on a scale of 1-10) and so statistically they might find that woman who either doesn't care about looks or is so insecure they will respond anyway.
This may sound good in theory, however; it's not really applicable. Online dating has always been the domain of a woman, not a man. If I had to guess, I'd say the population is 30% female, and 70% male. I've heard from more than one woman I've talked to having their inboxes flooded with messages from men. I have never heard from a man his inbox being filled beyond capacity. In fact, women don't really have to even actively pursue men online, usually there is already plenty to have to sort through just messaging them.
As a guy, you have zero edge. Your best bet is to have really good photos, and play the numbers game and come across someone you 'click' with and this can possibly be very time consuming.
For online dating as a man, you have to be at least relatively attractive and have good photos to make headway. Even myself, I have significantly more success talking to women at grocery stores than I do online. My own experience is that at least with women, a lot of them are very jaded or resentful. I find it annoying when they write about it in their profile too. It screams two words: "Damaged Goods."
I get it, we have all had bad exs including myself, but I don't whine or have very angry content written in my profile about it. I don't know what they think that accomplishes. I always pass these profiles without reading any further. There's nothing that's a bigger turn-off than lamenting about how 'all men are scum' or something along those lines..
Or, you can just ask to meet right away.
That's what I do.
Skype just prolongs meeting. I can't stand interacting through a screen when you can be together.
In my experience, usually I would message back and forth with a woman and everything seems amicable, but as soon as I try to arrange a meet up, these women will just stop responding lol
In my eyes, when I hear catfish, I think fat chick who used some pretty girl's pic. That's usually how it turns out on the TV show.
Oh! Like when they use me for underwear ads but photoshop my face out? Jk!
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