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if anything when I do go on dates, I feel like I talk there ear off. I probably expose to much about myself! so I don't think im the typical IT guy. matter of fact I actually know what your talking about with IT guys but let me tell you that's not me. A friend I have had since I was about 8, told me that I turn women off because I say things that are to blunt sometimes and I tend to believe him because sometimes after I say something I instantly regret it! lol hahaha im a piece of work
I have had a confidence issue with where I am in life! the jobs, the money. the lack of relationships. I feel ashamed to tell people what I do. I think it all plays a part in my confidence. I'm embarrassed about where I am in life and where I want to be. I think more then anything, when your trying to achieve something in life such as a career and you keep failing, it plays a toll on your mind set.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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So fix your life before you focus on dating. When I was unemployed or hated my job (etc) I was in no position to date myself. If you're not happy, you aren't a good prospect.
if anything when I do go on dates, I feel like I talk there ear off.
That's a problem. It's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't", kind of issue. If she's not interesting, you have to carry the load. But, you then come across as gloating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Murph
I have had a confidence issue with where I am in life! the jobs, the money. the lack of relationships. I feel ashamed to tell people what I do. I think it all plays a part in my confidence. I'm embarrassed about where I am in life and where I want to be. I think more then anything, when your trying to achieve something in life such as a career and you keep failing, it plays a toll on your mind set.
Maybe you should duck out until you "get there" then. I don't know what to tell you, otherwise. Not everyone graduates from an Ivy League school and pushes pencils for good money right out of college. Most folks just don't have those kinds of connections.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
Simple, you're aiming too high.
Really? OP looks for women in...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Murph
bars! So I think I do need to meet them in other places! just not sure where... I tend to lack confidence in my social skills. my conversation skills aren't great with women. when talking to guys I have no problem but I almost don't know what to talk about! my mind draws blanks and takes a while to open up. The women who do get to know me have already developed relationships and think of me highly. but as they say a day late a dollar short for me.
I know nothing about where you live, OP, but your going to have to put yourself out there like everyone else. At least once you have worked on being social. I'm not sure I'd trust the women around you, either. It's easy for them to brush you off to get you to go away. If they're not trying to pass you their numbers and getting dates with you, then it's not "highly" enough. Either way, it gets back to fine tuning your social skills. There s hope. You are picking at glorified "bros" with barflies. That's not so great. You also have to get to the bottom of how you can be so bereft of topics to talk about. I can talk about most anything on a date and there is no such thing as an awkward silence. You have to get out and open your eyes to what is around you.
if anything when I do go on dates, I feel like I talk there ear off. I probably expose to much about myself! so I don't think im the typical IT guy. matter of fact I actually know what your talking about with IT guys but let me tell you that's not me. A friend I have had since I was about 8, told me that I turn women off because I say things that are to blunt sometimes and I tend to believe him because sometimes after I say something I instantly regret it! lol hahaha im a piece of work
Do NOT talk their ear off! Women HATE that! That's why they're distancing themselves from you. Show interest in the woman you're with. Ask her about herself, her family, her interests. Also, monitor your speech. Practice what Buddhists call "mindfulness". Be mindful of what you want to say, and consider whether it's appropriate before you say it. Be mindful of your emotions, and work to stay calm. You may get too tense for dates, so the anxiety takes over, and pushes you to be a motor-mouth. Try some meditation and deep breathing before each date.
if anything when I do go on dates, I feel like I talk there ear off. I probably expose to much about myself! so I don't think im the typical IT guy. matter of fact I actually know what your talking about with IT guys but let me tell you that's not me. A friend I have had since I was about 8, told me that I turn women off because I say things that are to blunt sometimes and I tend to believe him because sometimes after I say something I instantly regret it! lol hahaha im a piece of work
This is a very difficult habit to break, but you have to either learn how to communicate with people that cannot handle blunt honesty, or only seek out those that can. There is no gray area, it is one or the other. I'm a woman and I also work in IT with 100% men -- I also suffer from this problem, and can be overly cynical to boot. Either relearn how to socialize, or seek out only those that will 'get' you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Murph
I have had a confidence issue with where I am in life! the jobs, the money. the lack of relationships. I feel ashamed to tell people what I do. I think it all plays a part in my confidence. I'm embarrassed about where I am in life and where I want to be. I think more then anything, when your trying to achieve something in life such as a career and you keep failing, it plays a toll on your mind set.
You start fixing this problem by accepting yourself for where you are. Rather than look at the glass half empty, see it half full: You're a productive member of society, you have a skill that you get paid to use, you can actually use your education for your work, you don't have 6 kids running around with different moms, and you've proven you are always working on improving your own life.
I would say volunteer, but do not abandon the bar scene either, keep all options open. Also during dates, talk about yourself, but leave a little mystery, do not give a detailed biography. Also allow her to talk to, and try to talk about different topics, not just careers, etc so that it won't come off as an interview.
Try to be interesting, do not talk about IT stuff, keep it to a minimum unless she asks. the ask her about her career, passions, music, movies, shows, etc.
Can you give an example of how you are blunt?
Instead of focusing on what you feel you have not achieved can you focus on the goals you have to get there?
I know this subject has to be old by now but I'm a little perplexed at why I'm having issues getting dates, (with girls i'm interested in)!! A littlebackground: I'm a 32 year old male that has recently graduated college in Network administration (IT). I know I'm definitely late in the game with the career. I have dated women before but none have ever developed in to a relationship! trust me i'm baffled myself! anyways I always put my lack of lack of women on the fact that I'm to busy because I'm in college but now that I have graduated, I'm actually putting effort into getting out there and meeting women! the trouble doesn't seem to be meeting them so much because I can pull numbers, the problem is that some women either don't respond or they are "always busy" or what they actually mean is I'm not interested or at least not enough to make time for you! I don't get it at all!!!! I get told I'm physically attractive all the time! even by dudes plus I'm thin and 6'4 and I feel like I have a personable personality. so what the hell am I doing wrong?
Maybe nothing.
It's just hard to meet people without meeting people. College provides the best window of opportunity to meet a LOT of people, but again, you have get out there and not have the nose stuck in the books all the time.
After college it gets more difficult to meet potential mates.
How about this - while you're talking to others (work, family, neighbors, friends) tell them (particularly if they're women) that you're in the market for a really awesome woman. Then if they have you meet women, go on blind dates and stuff. Everyone knows single women looking for a man to love.
I know this subject has to be old by now but I'm a little perplexed at why I'm having issues getting dates, (with girls i'm interested in)!! A littlebackground: I'm a 32 year old male that has recently graduated college in Network administration (IT). I know I'm definitely late in the game with the career. I have dated women before but none have ever developed in to a relationship! trust me i'm baffled myself! anyways I always put my lack of lack of women on the fact that I'm to busy because I'm in college but now that I have graduated, I'm actually putting effort into getting out there and meeting women! the trouble doesn't seem to be meeting them so much because I can pull numbers, the problem is that some women either don't respond or they are "always busy" or what they actually mean is I'm not interested or at least not enough to make time for you! I don't get it at all!!!! I get told I'm physically attractive all the time! even by dudes plus I'm thin and 6'4 and I feel like I have a personable personality. so what the hell am I doing wrong?
you are probably trying too hard. you want a date so bad you can taste it, and that makes you desperate, and women can sense this.
so the first thing you need to do is relax and stop pushing. start by just talk to women as if they were your sister and you are discussing an upcoming exam. when you do hit them up for their phone number, ask them for it so you can continue your conversation over lunch sometime. dont be specific. if she says ok, then ask her when would be a good time to call to make the arraignments for lunch. let her tell you when she is ready for the first date, and always make it a safe one for her. it shows you are thinking of her feelings and needs not yours.
and never try to take more than she is willing to give either at anytime in the relationship. if you push too hard, you will push her away. remember that gaining her trust is the most important thing on your mind, not getting into her pants. that will come later, on her terms not yours.
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