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I feel like it's work when it's just a first - 3rd dates then repeat with someone else. Now that I'm actually seeing someone regularly I look forward to our time together.
Dating sucks, I'll never understand people who love to date new people all the time. It sucks!
You can try what I practice, and that's to only stay for the honeymoon.....then all you have are good times....
Relationships take work, but that typically doesn't really start until after the first year, or until you move in together, whichever comes first. Then you will need good communication with your partner, in order to live happily. Relationships are really only a lot of work, if the two of you put away issues, instead of talking about them. The less effort you put into the relationship, the less you will get out of it. Relationships are like anything else that is worthwhile, the more put in, the more you get out. And with marriage, hopefully the two of you are moving together, in the same direction. IME, when one moves forward, and one stays behind, you start to get major problems. Couples should grow together, with common goals they work on together. When that dynamic is there, the relationship not only runs pretty trouble free, but the advancements are a lot easier, with two, then just yourself. Learn these skills and you will be fine..........
Listen to your partner, without trying to tell her how to fix things, she doesn't care..most of the time, she just needs you to listen to her.....
Learn to always have transparency, that way you don't have to worry about keeping up with some lie......
Communicate, if something really is bothering you, discuss it, without blaming anyone, just let her know that certain things really effect you...
Learn to compromise, you are sharing a life together, so if someone doesn't mention there isn't any toilet paper, and you get up in the morning, read the paper, and reach and find one square on an empty roll, don't get mad....just go out and buy a spare pack and leave it in a hiding place....
And when you move in together I guarantee you will immediately discover a new phenomena, toilet paper will disappear like you have never seen...Costco super packs that used to last months, will be gone in 3 weeks...you have been warned....
Meeting and talking to new people rarely sucks in my experience.
Eh, it's fun but the games you go through when one of us isn't into the other get old quick. I need to figure out a way to avoid those. I wish people would just be blunt and direct, you're not going to hurt feelings!
It is work. But I don't see work as a bad thing. Most of my hobbies, and indeed my work, is work. Often hard work, but I enjoy them and get a lot out of them, like I do with a good relationship.
I know it's just a matter of semantics but maybe some people could understand it better if we used the word effort in place of work? It takes effort to get into a relationship and continual efforts to maintain a healthy one. Nothing worth having in life comes free or easy but with effort, it's all worth it.
I love my husband, and yes, I consider relationships work. Why? Because everything is not "my way" as if I were single. That's the way it works when you have another person to consider. Do I consider it worth it? Absolutely.
There is a lot of compromise that goes on, and it can be.... straining.... on strong personalities.
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Sometimes. I agree that dating SHOULDN'T be work and I've watched helplessly as my kids fell into this trap, but I guess that's how they learn.
Dating my H was easy, being married was pretty easy (for over 25 years anyway) but only because I EXPECTED the worst. I always expect the worst so I'm often pleasantly surprised when things aren't as bad as my imagination, like childbirth. When things got REALLY bad at one point I thought to myself "ok, this is one of those bad spells people are always talking about" but in our case it just led to divorce.
And when you move in together I guarantee you will immediately discover a new phenomena, toilet paper will disappear like you have never seen...Costco super packs that used to last months, will be gone in 3 weeks...you have been warned....
Yes, it always surprises me when I am reminded that men think toilet paper is mainly for #2. Women use it for a million other things -- every time we pee, of course, and to remove makeup, and wash the mirror, and clean up dog barf, and for emergency menstrual pads...
OTOH, a box of kleenex can last a woman for years .
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