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So, my husband is trying to make me feel like I'm foolish. Here's the story. and I'm hoping to get opinions on whether I'm in the wrong, and hope we won't be judged.
Background: Hubby and I decided to try swinging. We made ONE rule. We are not to do anything with anyone unless the other is involved/right there. We weren't sure about kissing, it was left to, let's see how it plays out.
We went to a few swinger's parties, though nothing happened. We had a ton of fun, the people were friendly, loved the music and dancing, etc. So, we go back to our 4th party, and we sat with one couple that we had previously met.
The woman from the couple, Jenny, began to straddle my husband, facing him. They were kissing, caressing, etc. When she would move off his lap, she'd sit next to him, and he would rub her leg and hold her hand.
Ok. So...I tried to tell myself this is what happens at these kind of parties, but I swear, if you had seen them, you wouldn't have thought they were just about to have sex, you would have thought they were falling in love. Instead of being just sexual, it was more intimate. I hope that makes sense. Well, I didn't care for this, so I put an end to it. I just told them I was uncomfortable with it. Ok, no problem, they said.
Later in the evening, while I was on the dance floor, I can't see hubby. After song, I go to look for him, and he's in the area of the party where sex occurs. He's sitting on a couch, and Jenny is Mod cut. Not PG-13..
I walk over to Jenny's husband, and ask if he's ok with this. He says yes. I tell him I'm not, as our one rule is we only do things together. He said that's not cool then, and walks over to them, and tells them to stop. I pull my husband aside, and ask him why he would break our one rule, and his lame excuse was, he didn't think I'd care. Yeah, ok. I tell him I do care, and that we won't be going to anymore parties, because he can't respect the one rule we have. I then pulled her aside, and explained to her why I was upset. I told her I didn't blame her, she didn't know our rule, but I do blame my husband. I told her this killed us going to any more parties. She got upset, and said she really liked me, and had hoped she and I would become friends outside of the parties. So we exchanged numbers, and eventually added each other on FB (so did she and hubby).
After going to lunch with her twice, I told hubby that my jealousies from that night won't go away, and that she seemed a little psycho (talking about the meds she has to be on to stay calm, and how she can't keep a job bc of temper, etc) and so I didn't want to try to be her friend anymore.
This was about 3-4 months ago, and I finally got my point across to her, and the last 2-3 months she and I haven't spoken. I was happy she was out of my life, although I never thought to unfriend her on FB.
Ok, so that's the history. It was our last party, all talk of swinging has stopped. I learned I can't handle it. Fast forward to today. I see my husband texting with someone, on a screen I didn't recognize. He tells me it's the chat part of Words with Friends. Ok, who are texting with? He says, I don't really know if it's Jenny or her husband John (They share one cell phone, so when I would get a text from them, I'd have to ask who I'm speaking with. John has texted me before, but he has NEVER texted hubby. Also, it's her FB name he's chatting with). So I say, why do you think it may be John? He says, just bc they share a phone. I ask to read the convo. The convo is innocent, how are you, how's work, how's your wife, etc. But it's VERY clear that it's Jenny, and not John. She started the convo with "What's up homefry?" Which, is just like her, she called him weird names like that whenever she would text. He KNEW he was playing/texting with her. So, he lied.
I ask him, why in the world would you be playing a game with her, knowing how I feel about her? He says, "She sent me a game request, so I just accepted it. Didn't think it was a big deal". You didn't think it would be a big deal to bring this woman back into our lives, knowing how hard it was for me to get her out?
Then, I ask to see the game. His name is on top of hers, which means HE started the game, not her. I ask why he lied. He says he didn't. I tell him his name is on top, which means he started the game. He says, maybe I did, it's been about a week, I forgot. Yeah, ok. So, another lie.
He actually finished the game while I was sitting there, and didn't click on "rematch".
We didn't talk for a couple of hours, then before he left for work, I asked him if I could read the convo again. She had messaged him again, asking when can we all get together, that it's been so long since she and I have talked. I also noticed, they are playing another game. I don't know if he started it after I left the room, or if she did, but he at least accepted another game with her. Now I'm curious as to how he's going to answer her question of when we'll get together.
I'm pissed. Not only has he brought her back into our lives, but he lied to me twice about it. Yes, the conversation was innocent, so why the need to lie? Because he knew I wouldn't like that he was playing/talking with her. Also, had I not seen him doing it, would he have ever told me? He says it's been going on a week already.
Now he has the nerve to act like I'm over-reacting, and bringing more into it than there is. That he had no malicious intent, and so I need to get over it.
Am I over-reacting? I'd like advice from men and women, just please be respectful.
Once you crack open an egg there is no getting the yolk back inside
You invited this crap into your life and so now you have to deal with it.
I'd suggest some sessions with a marriage counselor where you two establish some new ground rules to live by that you can each agree to. I sincerely hope you save your marriage.
All the problems in that thread, and you're worried that you're overreacting?
Quick question: Would it have ended up like this if you had been sitting next to him during [Snip.]?
One more: Whose idea was it to "try" swinging??
The night would not have ended that way, no. If he hadn't broken our rule, I wouldn't have ended the night abruptly. Can I say something would have happened between all of us? I don't know. Might have, unless I got jealous and couldn't go through with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slanderous
Why did you two decide to start swinging in the first place?
We both talked about it together. We have some friends who are swingers, and told us about a website that you can join to learn about parties. We were curious, really. Like I said, the first 3 times we went, nothing happened at all. I quickly learned I am not the swinging type at the 4th party, and we haven't been back since.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-08-2014 at 09:23 PM..
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