Going too fast and have the relationship burn out (date, child, sex)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
Timber, do you find yourself enjoying new and exciting see over and over again? From how you talk, an emotional relationship comes second and the exciting sex comes first. You get the exciting sex, but then you crave it again as time wears on. I can easily tell you're in a debate between what society considers good behavior and bad behavior. Would you be more comfortable sleeping with a new woman every other month and no questions were ever asked, yet you still got to meet them organically? Escorts aren't needed.
No, not at all. Most of my relationships tend to be long, my past two lovers were in my life 8 years and 5 years. Never got old. Awesome women. I'm friends with both. One just got engaged, he's a lucky guy. She rocks.
I don't see any bad behavior occurring here at all. So I'm not sure what you're referring to. Actually, I'm really not sure what you're asking or talking about at all... escorts?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,930,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I think sex can cloud when someone isn't a relationship and make you think you love someone when, really, there is nothing there beyond the sex.
When you have sex, your body produces dopamine and oxytocin (in women... I forget what men produce). Oxytocin especially makes you feel close to someone and bonded with them. It's the same hormone that women release when a child is born/with breastfeeding to help with the bonding process.
This is all great stuff for a couple--if there is more to a couple than just sex. But if there is no relationship beyond sex, it can cloud your judgement. You feel bonded and can lose your objectivity when it comes to seeing if the person really is a good match for you/good for you.
If the relationship is great beyond the physical (you are also mentally/emotionally/personality, etc a good match) sex can add to it and make it better. But if you have sex soon... before you figure that out, you can lose your objectivity when you're searching for in a relationship (if you are looking for a serious relationship). Because of body chemicals and physiology, you feel close and bonded to a person that really isn't "good" for you. In that respect, you waste time with that person instead of letting them go and finding a better match. In that respect--indirectly--too much sex early on "does" get in the way of building a relationship because it delays a good relationship in favor of one that's got no long-term potential and will fade out.
EDIT
Every time I finish an "essay" I find someone else has already written what I wanted to say... just more concisely.
***
Going back to the subject... to me, moving too fast is more about how much of your life you share with the other person (sex or not). For me, "too fast" is the guy you meet, go out on one date, and he's calling every day and acting like he's your boyfriend instead of someone you are just dating. He might be a great guy, but too much too soon and I feel smothered and want to "get away." That's the burnout I think about.
Ok, this makes sense to me. I get this. Maybe I'm pretty fortunate, but I don't recall ever bonding to someone (well, not since my 20s!) that wasn't "good for me". It sometimes didn't work out, certainly, but never someone that was really unhealthy for me to be with. I never really thought about it. Perhaps I'm just fortunate in this regard, but almost all my relationship turns into platonic friendships after they end, they're good people and things almost always end respectfully. I guess I should consider myself blessed. It seems the norm among my peer group, but apparently it isn't in general.
Ok, this makes sense to me. I get this. Maybe I'm pretty fortunate, but I don't recall ever bonding to someone (well, not since my 20s!) that wasn't "good for me". It sometimes didn't work out, certainly, but never someone that was really unhealthy for me to be with. I never really thought about it. Perhaps I'm just fortunate in this regard, but almost all my relationship turns into platonic friendships after they end, they're good people and things almost always end respectfully. I guess I should consider myself blessed. It seems the norm among my peer group, but apparently it isn't in general.
I have a feeling you are much more evolved and self aware (as are the people with whom you keep company, apparently) than many others.
Quote:
I have a feeling you would know if you were dating timberline...I picture him as a really wild ride if you get my drift.
You know, I think for me the intensity thing is the opposite. All my long relationships, including my marriage, were intense from the beginning. Things that started more slowly, fizzled.
6 dates in 2.5 weeks does not sound like a lot to me; it sounds normal. And by this point, it should be unusual to go a day without seeing each other .
I once broke off a very promising relationship, with great connection and unbelievable sex, after 6 weeks because the guy could not see me more than 1-2 times a week. I could not handle the hormonal rollercoaster of spending 10 hours in bed one day and them not seeing him for the next 7. We discussed it, ongoingly, but I don't think he ever really understood why it was a problem for me. So I guess this is an individual thing.
As for oxytocin and bonding during sex and cuddling, men are the same as women in this regard, biologically.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,930,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
6 dates in 2.5 weeks does not sound like a lot to me; it sounds normal. And by this point, it should be unusual to go a day without seeing each other .
Oh jeez, no way that would happen. We'd never get work done or see friends, and that isn't cool. It's really fast and heavy for most people. Those dates don't include the first night (not referred to as date zero), and every date but one has been 12+ hrs. It's a lot. It's great, but it is tiring. Missed more workouts the past two weeks than the year before. Besides, our bruises need to heal.
Oh jeez, no way that would happen. We'd never get work done or see friends, and that isn't cool. It's really fast and heavy for most people. Those dates don't include the first night (not referred to as date zero), and every date but one has been 12+ hrs. It's a lot. It's great, but it is tiring. Missed more workouts the past two weeks than the year before. Besides, our bruises need to heal.
You sure we aren't talking about each other here?
I agree though. That's A LOT. It sounds great, and I would love to see this dude all the time, but I have a life to live!! I'd miss out on a lot of stuff, plus I need ME time as well.
It's bad enough that I'm 2 episodes behind on 24!!!
Ok, this makes sense to me. I get this. Maybe I'm pretty fortunate, but I don't recall ever bonding to someone (well, not since my 20s!) that wasn't "good for me". It sometimes didn't work out, certainly, but never someone that was really unhealthy for me to be with. I never really thought about it. Perhaps I'm just fortunate in this regard, but almost all my relationship turns into platonic friendships after they end, they're good people and things almost always end respectfully. I guess I should consider myself blessed. It seems the norm among my peer group, but apparently it isn't in general.
I get the feeling (based on what you've said about yourself in posts) that you are just one of those people who's naturally good with other people, reading them, and judgement regarding them. You have a high degree of emotional IQ. So that's probably it... you're own natural abilities to pick out good people... than random luck. Me, I see everyone through rose colored glasses until they hit me on the head with a baseball bat or something (figuratively... not literally of course, lol).
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